The 5th Annual International Women in Tech Conference - idinathoreau (2024)

Chapter 1: Prologue - Daytona Awaits

Chapter Text

“Oh god, I cant believe I agreed to this…”

“Stop complaining...it’s gonna be great!”

Zoey winced dramatically but Max only offered her a tired smile. It was 5am and she was standing in the far-too-bright lobby of San Francisco International Airport. Max was only here for emotional support.

People around her were already all softly Singing Highway to Hell in that quasi-magical headspace that only she seemed to occupy. Zoey nodded to herself, ignoring them as best she could. It was going to be a long, long trip.

“Dude, I’m so jealous.” Max was saying. “Four days, all expenses paid, and you get to meet a bunch of cool tech people!”

Zoey could only grimace a smile and do her best to block out the singing.

Four whole days. With Joan. In Daytona. At the 5^th Annual International Women in Tech Conference.

It had seemed so distant when her boss had first brought it up; just a vague thought of the future when present concerns of release parties, dickish husbands, and Rolling Stone songs had weighed heavily on them both.

But then before she knew it, Joan was emailing her flight information and slapping a fancy ID tag onto her desk with the Tech Conference logo burned into it.

Now the day was finally here.

“Come on, cheer up, these conferences are great for networking.” Max assured her. “Besides, I’m sure Joan will introduce you to a few people.”

Zoey rolled her eyes. “Yeah right…I’m sure she’s going to vanish into a cloud of other successful women and leave me lost among the other tag-alongs.”

Max chuckled. “Come on Zoey, Joan’s tough but she’s not that bad.”

Zoey sighed. “I know just…I’m really nervous!” To her relief, the large group of travelers finally passed them by and the strains of ACDC vanished.

Max gave her his warmest smile. “You’ll be great. Just remember to have some fun and don’t let Joan boss you around too much.”

“She wont.” Zoey assured him. “She actually seems really excited about having someone to go with this time…”

As much as the extended trip worried her, Zoey had to admit that it wasn’t as nerve-wracking as she initially thought it might be. In fact, since the whole ‘Satisfaction’ incident, Zoey had been finding it increasingly easy to interact with her boss.

She and Joan had lunch at least once a week. Joan had justified it as a check-in on programming but more often than not, they simply talked and enjoyed good food together (never sushi). Joan had even requested to follow Zoey on Twitter a few weeks back, which, while initially nerve-wracking, had led to a constant discussion about tech news and home makeover shows.

Joan smiled at lot more now and Zoey had to admit that it was way better to have another woman to talk to at work, no matter the power difference between them.

“Zoey!”

Both of them reflexively jumped at the familiar voice. Zoey turned and felt a jolt of un-earned energy shoot through her.

Her boss was striding towards them, the other weary travelers seeming to part before her. Joan was dressed in an immaculate pantsuit that looked like it had just come out of being pressed or steamed or whatever was done with expensive, fancy clothes. Her face was perfectly made-up, her hair casually free and loose. She was wearing heels.

Zoey’s eyes widened. How was anyone that put together at 5 in the morning? All she’d been able to manage was jeans and a mostly-clean shirt.

“Good. Got here nice and early.” Joan offered her a smile that was far too pleasant for this early in the morning. “Ready Zoey?”

With one last, desperate look at Max, Zoey sighed and nodded. “Let’s move ‘um out!”

Joan winced at the ridiculous phrase but the smile never left her eyes. “Pace yourself, it’s a long flight.”

Max clapped Zoey on the shoulder. “Stay safe!” He nodded to Joan. “Don’t let her run off with any strange guys!” He joked.

Joan gave him a flat look. “It’s a women in tech conference messenger bag; I’ll be keeping her away from the other girls.”

Max gave an awkward laugh and beat a hasty retreat. Zoey’s gaze followed him for as long as she could, unsure if she desperately wanted to run away with him or not.

“Shall we?” Joan asked.

Taking a deep breath, Zoey nodded. “Uh huh.”

She reached down to pick up her duffle bag but found a hand already on it. With a quick little smile, Joan passed it to her, their hands brushing.

“Uh right…” Zoey stammered, brain still trying to catch up with the early hour. “Lead the way!”

Joan gave her another little look at her faux enthusiasm but made no comment. Heels clacking, she strode confidently across the terminal, Zoey trailing after her like a lost child.

Well, could be worse…

At least Joan wasn’t Singing. Yet.

Less than two hours later, Zoey reclined in her seat, mouth open at the sheer amount of leg room she had on a plane.

“Zoey, you act like you’ve never flown first class.”

Zoey turned to Joan. “I haven’t!” She exclaimed. Then she remembered who she was talking to and sobered up instantly. “But you…you have. A lot, I bet.”

Joan shrugged, already tapping at the entertainment screen in front of her. “Less so these days…but Charlie always insisted.”

A stewardess handed them both full champagne glasses, Zoey taking hers like she’d just been handed a diamond. “Right…how…how is Charlie?” She tried. Joan hadn’t mentioned him much since the launch party, aside from one testy, offhand comment during a staff meeting about filing for a divorce. Zoey had never asked, thinking that it might just be too painful for Joan to talk about her ex-husband. They’d never talked about him during their informal lunches. And while she didn’t mind talking about it, Zoey got the idea that Joan was only waiting for the right moment to bring it up.

Joan scoffed but Zoey could see the slightest edge of relief around her eyes. “Glad he never has to see me or my lawyer again…that’s for sure.”

Zoey’s heart went out to her. “So it’s…?”

Joan nodded. “Officially done. Papers signed, estates settled…” She leaned back in her seat and raised her champagne glass. “I’m a free woman now.”

“That makes two of us…” Zoey quipped, trying to find a place to put down the glass. Weren’t these seats supposed to have cup-holders? She stopped cold as she twisted towards the window.

Joan was looking at her, really looking at her.

All of her old insecurities came rushing back, she tensed. “What?”

Her boss squinted at her. For one long, horrible moment, Zoey feared that Joan was going to burst into Song.

But Joan only shook her head slightly. “Nothing…” She turned back to her screen. “You should drink that before we take off.” She commented, tipping back her own glass. “Calms the nerves.”

“Oh I…I don’t mind flying…”

“Zoey, it’s free champagne on an 8 hour flight.” Joan deadpanned. “Drink up.”

Zoey obliged and she’d barely swallowed before the glass was whisked out of her hand.

“Whoa…way different up here than with the rabble in the back…”

Joan chuckled. Zoey watched her for a moment, wondering how far she should push the Charlie issue and Joan’s strange reaction to it. Joan wasn’t Singing…but she still felt like she needed to talk.

“Do you want to talk about it?” She asked. “About…Charlie...? Or the divorce?”

With a sigh, Joan leaned back in her seat.

“Not so much anymore. It’s over now. I’d rather leave that part of my life behind me and figure out who I am now that I’m not with him.”

“Okay. But if you ever want to…I’m happy to listen.”

Joan turned her head to look at her. “I know Zoey…and…It never felt right saying this at work but…thank you. For all of your help around that. Without you there…initially and afterwards…I…I don’t think I would have handled that in a healthy way.” She smiled. “I’m lucky to have someone like you at work.”

Zoey nodded. “That’s what friends are for, right?”

Joan’s smile could have powered the plane. “Yeah…friends.”

The intercom buzzed and the nasally voice of the pilot informed them that they were about to take off.

“Better try to sleep…” Joan advised her as they taxied. “You’re gonna need rest to deal with the time change.”

The glass of champagne was already doing wonders for Zoey in that department. “Mmm,” She agreed, reclining the seat back until she was practically lying down. “I hope my hotel room is half as luxurious as this seat!”

“It better be,” Joan commented dryly. “…but we wont be spending much time in our room this weekend anyway. Too much to do at the conference.”

Zoey was halfway asleep already. But the meaning of Joan’s statement filtered down to her slowly. Her eyes flew open as the plane began to speed down the runway. “Wait a minute…we’re sharing a room…!?”

Joan chuckled. “Of course, after all I did promise Max that I’d keep you from running off with strange men.” Seeing Zoey’s horror, she rolled her eyes. “Don’t worry…there are two beds. I’m no cheapskate.”

The wheels left the ground, whisking Zoey away from any chance of backing out now.

Chapter 2: Thursday - Meet & Greet

Chapter Text

Ever since they had landed, Zoey felt like she was on another planet.

Of course, it was just Daytona. But what a difference one coast made to the other!

“Here we go…” Joan tapped the card and their door opened. To Zoey’s surprise, her boss stepped back, holding the door open for her. “Go on.” Joan encouraged. “Take first pick of the beds.”

“Thanks.” Zoey stepped into the room and dropped her duffel on the first bed she saw. “Wow!”

It wasn’t anything extraordinary but it was certainly swankier than anything she could have afforded herself.

To Zoey’s relief, there were indeed two beds. Not that sharing with Joan would be terrible, Zoey was just terribly awkward in the best of circ*mstances and sharing a bed was far from a best circ*mstance.

The beds were both queens and covered with freebies emblazoned with the Conference logo. The bathroom had a claw-foot tub and a shower and the floors were a thick carpet. The ocean was visible from their window, the Atlantic glistening in the mid-afternoon sunshine.

Joan shuffled past her, shaking Zoey from her appreciation.

“We’re not staying.” She told her. “Just change real quick and we’ll head downstairs to the Meet & Greet.”

“Right…yeah.” Zoey fumbled for her duffel, hoping her blazer was presentable after the trip. She extracted it from under her toiletries bag and wrinkled her nose at the wrinkles. “Does this place have an…uhh…” She trailed off as she turned around and encountered more skin than she was expecting.

“Iron’s in the closet.” Joan told her, looking far too comfortable for being shirtless. She gestured towards the bathroom. “But make it fast.”

“Uhhh…right.” Zoey shook herself. Joan pulled on a sharp, crisp blouse that looked like it was made for people who had no time for irons. She hurried to get the iron working as Joan undid her slacks. Her face burned as she plugged in the device.

She knew Joan was athletic but she hadn’t expected the woman to actually have visible abs. That just wasn’t fair. No matter how many crunches she did, her abs never made their presence known.

To her dismay, the iron heated up in less than a minute and her blazer wasn’t so badly wrinkled that it required a lot of attention. Joan was still in the room, taking her time emptying her suitcase and touching up her makeup as Zoey finished.

Zoey faltered. She wasn’t super comfortable changing around other people. But Joan had done it…so she felt like ducking into the bathroom to change would have just made it awkward. She finally settled on ripping her t-shirt off and exchanging it for a blouse as fast as humanly possible. She shrugged on the blazer and decided her jeans were presentable enough.

Joan eyed her up and down as Zoey turned back around.

“What?” Zoey asked, immediately self-conscious.

In one smooth motion, Joan rose. She was now wearing a crisp blue pantsuit worthy of Hillary Clinton and had somehow found time to pin her hair back. In two steps, she was in front of Zoey.

Joan tugged the collar of Zoey’s blouse out from under the blazer and smoothed it flat.

“You look good.” Joan appraised, Zoey’s heart nervously tapping in her throat at the proximity. “Come on.”

She led Zoey out of the room.

They were halfway down in the elevator when the music started.

“Oh no…” Zoey murmured, shooting a terrified look at her boss. Joan didn’t react. Her expression was one that Zoey often saw around the office, the day-to-day boss-lady face that Joan used in board meetings and for serious staff briefings.

But just as the guitar riffs picked up speed, Joan leapt into sudden dance.

Thankfully, they were alone in the elevator so Zoey could flatten herself against the wall and watch in silent terror.

The older woman tossed her hair, whipping it around until the whole mess hang around her face like a rock star.

We're gonna rock this town
Rock it inside out
We're gonna rock this town
Make 'em scream and shout
Let's rock, rock, rock, man, rock
We're gonna rock till we pop
We're gonna rock till we drop
We're gonna rock this town
Rock it inside out!

To her surprise, as the Song continued, Zoey found herself smiling as she watched. Joan was really, really happy right now. Her smile stretched all the way across her face, lighting up her eyes. Her every movement snapped with energy and pure pep, like a cheerleader finally allowed to complete a routine for a touchdown. It was…endearing to see her practically pulsing with excitement.

Watching Joan furiously air-guitar her way through the bridge, Zoey was struck with a sobering thought. Actually, come to think of it, this was the first Song she was hearing from Joan that wasn’t about how upset she was…all of her previous ones had involved Charlie and her various frustrations therein.

Her smile returned, along with a warm sensation in her stomach.

She’s…really happy to be here…with me.

We're gonna rock this town
Rock it inside out
We're gonna rock this town
Make 'em scream and shout
Let's rock, rock, rock, man, rock
We're gonna rock till we pop
We're gonna rock till we drop
We're gonna rock this town
Rock it inside out!

The elevator dinged, snapping the music off.

“Zoey!” Joan called, already halfway out of the elevator, her face back to her ‘boss-mask’. “Come on!”

Her brain still fixated on the idea of a happy (truly happy) Joan, Zoey hurried to follow. “Right…sorry!”

They stepped into the lobby and turned down the hall, heading for the ballroom.

“So…what’s the deal here?” Zoey asked, jogging to keep up with Joan’s long strides.

“Just casual mingling.” Joan replied. “Some people aren’t arriving until tomorrow morning so this is just an informal event for the early birds.”

“Right.” Zoey’s throat tightened at the prospect of mingling. This was not her strong suit. She fiddled nervously with her blazer.

“Hey,” Joan stopped just before the entrance, turning to face her. “Buck up, no one in there is out to get you. Just…” she gestured vaguely at Zoey. “be yourself, stick by me if you need to and try to look like I’m not torturing you.”

In spite of her nerves, Zoey laughed. “Have you seen me at social events?”

Joan smirked. She adjusted Zoey’s ID tag slightly so it sat straighter on her collar. “Come on,” she encouraged with a gentle tap on Zoey’s shoulder, “we’re gonna rock this.”

Zoey winced at the word choice but nodded in agreement.

They stepped inside the ballroom and Zoey’s jaw dropped.

The old structure was fantastical enough on its own but the decorators had really outdone themselves to integrate high tech elements into the eaves and buttresses. Every column in the room pulsed with multi-colored lights and lightweight screens hung at strategic intervals around the room, displaying everything from various company logos to maps of the surrounding area, to lists of upcoming events and talks.

Drifting around in this incredible space were somewhere between a hundred and two hundred smartly-dressed, ethnically diverse women.

Zoey felt a slight tap on her elbow and instinctively shut her mouth. Joan led her inside, seamlessly integrating herself into the crowd.

As Zoey had feared, Joan seemed to have many acquaintances among the swarm of women. But to her surprise, Joan casually introduced Zoey to each person she spoke to. She didn’t seem to mind at all that Zoey trailed after her the entire time, even occasionally guiding her forward with another elbow tap or reaching back over her shoulder to ensure they didn’t get separated in the bustle.

Zoey was actually starting to enjoy herself (and enjoying the complimentary cucumber water and snacks). Most of the people they’d met so far were lower-level people at some of the big companies and a couple of people like herself – young professionals working at startups and attending to build networks.

They were taking a brief break near one of the columns, chatting with a woman they’d met from Google when the ballroom doors flew open.

“What the heck?” Zoey craned to try to see as the other flocked towards the commotion.

“Don’t bother.” Joan advised her, sipping on her water. “Some of the bigger names like to make a big show when they arrive.” She scoffed as their companion bolted. “Send the first timers into a titter.”

“Well whoever it is, it’s working.” Zoey observed, as the conversations in the room broke into soft titters. “Anyone you know?”

Joan sighed, staring into her cup. “I suspect that I might…”

“Joan Bennett!”

They both turned at the commanding voice. A coffee-skinned woman in a brilliant purple dress glided towards them, eyes fixed on Joan in a predatory gaze.

Zoey froze.

No way…she was dead. She had to be. She had to have died and gone to heaven because there was no way in hell or Earth that this was happening.

The woman stalked right up to them, her piercing brown eyes only making her purple-colored lips even more pronounced.

“Where do you get off…” she began, shooting Zoey a brief, cursory glance before returning all of her attention to Joan, “…arriving before me looking like you just walked off of a Milan runway?”

Joan chuckled. “Oh you know…” She pushed off from the column and stared the woman down fearlessly. “I always was an over-achiever.”

The goddess in purple snigg*red and in a single motion, swept Joan up in a bear hug. “Oh it’s good to see you, you vixen!”

Zoey’s mouth was well and truly unhinged by now. Joan was hugging her back.

She pinched herself.

Nope. Not dreaming.

Jury was still out on the whole dead thing though.

While she’d been processing, the two women had finally released each other and began to converse.

“I heard about Charlie.”

Joan smirked and rolled her eyes. “Of course you did…”

“I always said he was too self-centered for you.”

“Really? I don’t recall you ever saying that to my face.”

The woman shrugged. “I just thought it really loud and assumed you heard me!” She laid a gentle hand on Joan’s arm. “But in all seriously, congratulations on being a free woman once more!”

Joan gave a tight-lipped smile, looking slightly uncomfortable for the first time in the conversation.

“So,” the woman in purple finally said, cutting her eyes to Zoey. “you going to introduce your protégé?” It was a minor miracle that Zoey’s knees didn’t give out right then and there.

Joan laughed and gestured Zoey forward. “Zoey, this is Claudia.” She introduced her.

But Zoey didn’t need the introduction. This was the Claudia. The legendary CEO of Biotech Industries. Programmer of the first nanobot and self-made millionaire.

Zoey had replicated her code in college on a dare. It had taken her eight days and 14 pots of coffee. Now here she was…face to face with Claudia freakin’ Balusa.

She’d fantasized about this moment for nearly ten years…

And now the woman was shaking her hand.

“Uhhhhhiiiii.” That was the closest thing to words she could produce at the moment.

Claudia smiled at the awkward noise. “Picked a real wordsmith here I see.” She commented to Joan. She leaned closer to Zoey, which didn’t help at all with the nerves. “Calm down kid, I know…” She gestured to herself. “big moment and all. But I was like you once. Meeting RBG and barely managing to say ‘hello’!”

Zoey managed another barely cohesive sound before Joan swooped in to rescue her.

“So I take it from your entrance that you got the keynote this year?”

Claudia shook her head. “Nope. Ineligible you see.” She gestured around the room. “I’m head of the organizing committee.” She tapped her fingers together. “So instead, I got to have my pick of the litter.”

Joan swirled her cucumber water. “And you didn’t ask me.” She observed coolly.

“Hey now Joan, you were on my list!” Claudia insisted, clapping Joan on the shoulder again. “Quite high on it actually. But instead, we got Noor Shaker!”

Joan beamed. “That’s incredible Claudia!”

“I know, right?!” The woman gave a sigh of utter happiness and ran a hand through her short hair. “Well, as head of the OC, I need to make my presence known to the grateful crowd.” She caught Joan’s hand and gave it a hefty shake. “See you around Joan, and Zoey…”

Zoey looked up, eyes wide.

Claudia winked at her. “Hope we get a chance to talk for real. Don’t be shy to say hello kid.”

Zoey’s legs went weak. “uh huh.”

And with a charming smile and a flutter of purple fabric, Claudia melted into the crowd.

Utterly amazed, Zoey turned to Joan but her awe was momentarily muted when she saw the expression on her boss’ face. Joan’s smile had left with Claudia, leaving her with a melancholy, hollow look in her eyes.

Before Zoey could ask her about it, Joan shook herself and greeted the next woman to approach them.

It was another hour before they finished mingling and Joan lead the way back towards their room.

As soon as they were out of the ballroom, Zoey jogged to Joan’s side and seized her by the arm.

“How…how…” she had to swallow before she could continue. “How the actual hell do you know Claudia Balusa?!”

Joan glanced at her, eyebrow raised as if the question were totally out of place. “Oh Claudia and I go way back.” She commented. “We were roommates in college.”

Zoey felt like she’d just been hit in the face with a Python textbook. “You were roommates?!” She squeaked.

Joan rolled her eyes. “Yes, at MIT back in ’94.” She smiled. “We started at IBM together but after I married Charlie and moved to San Francisco we fell out of touch. Now we see each other once a year at this conference if we’re lucky…”

But Zoey was still stuck a few sentences back. “Wait, go back!” she jogged to catch up to Joan once more. “You were roommates with Claudia freakin’ Balusa?!”

Joan sighed and punched the elevator button. “Yes, Zoey, It’s a fact, it’s not going to change simply because you cant believe it.”

Still, Zoey found she had to stew that fact over the whole elevator ride, her mind not quite ready to accept the amazing fact. The sheer awesomeness of it was filling her up with a kind of floaty, happy feeling, like she’d chugged a bottle of champagne.

“Zoey?” Joan’s call finally roused Zoey from her imaginings of a 20-something Joan and Claudia rooming together, planning tech world domination. “We’ve got some time off now.” Her boss said. “Why don’t we hit up the beach?”

And just like that, all the happy feelings were gone. “Beach?”

“Yeah, weather’s perfect and we’re not going to have time for it any other day we’re here.”

“But…uh I uh…” She fiddled with her blazer sleeve. “…I didn’t bring a swimsuit…” She muttered.

Joan gave her one of her practically patented disapproving sighs. “Zoey…you came to Daytona with no intention of going to the beach?”

“Uhhh…yes?”

The elevator dinged and opened up to their floor.

“Come on, we’ll buy you something off the tourist trap shops to wear.” Joan said as they ducked back inside the room.

The prospect of spending the afternoon on the beach really wasn’t helping in the awkward situation department. “I burn…really easily.” Zoey admitted. “It’s really bad, my dad used to say…” But she cut herself off. Telling Joan about her dad felt a little too personal a detail to be sharing.

Thankfully, Joan was pulling out a large hat from her bag and didn’t seem to have noticed. “I have sunscreen too.” She assured her. “And we’ll rent an umbrella if you’re really concerned. Glancing over her shoulder, she smirked at Zoey’s trepidation. “Come on Zoey, you’re only young once. And the beach is where all the single men are.”

Zoey tried to smile. “Right…where the men are…”

Guess Max’s warnings were all for naught.

Chapter 3: Thursday - Free Time (Pro tip: Explore the beach!)

Chapter Text

To Zoey’s immense disappointment, finding a suit in her size took a depressingly short amount of time.

“You really didn’t need to buy it for me…” she insisted as Joan led her into the changing rooms at the public beach.

“I promised you all expenses paid.” Joan shot back, smirking. “And it was hardly expensive…”

Zoey couldn’t argue with that. At least, not anymore than she already had.

They ducked into their own changing booths and Zoey regarded the swimsuit Joan had found with mild disdain. It was a simple two-piece with a tanktop to protect her stomach and back from the sun. The suit was a muted orange, which was a small victory; red would have clashed horribly with her hair.

Zoey changed quickly and ducked back out into the main area, avoiding eye contact with the few other women present. Joan had yet to emerge so Zoey busied herself with tying her hair up, piling the unruly orange locks into a messy bun.

"Time for some sun exposure..." She winced at the reluctance in her own voice. This wouldn't be all bad, right? At least it wasn't mingling with strangers.

Although in a competition between talking to strangers and frying on a beach, it was hard to choose a winner...

The sound of a curtain pulling back alerted her to the reemergence of her boss. Joan appeared in the mirror over Zoey's shoulder. Zoey's eyes widened.

Since becoming friends with her boss, she'd become more familiar with her general appearance. However, prior knowledge was doing little for her at this moment. She was in no way prepared for the sight of the woman in a turquoise bikini top and boyshort bottoms, strutting out of the changing room like it was a runway, designer sunglasses perched on her nose and a towel draped over her arm like an afterthought (seriously, was Joan aware that she gave off this effortless runway energy?). And as always, she was really not prepared for the song Joan was Singing.

“Another one?”

Joan struck a pose.

I do my hair toss

Check my nails

Baby how you feelin’?

Feelin’ good as hell!

Face burning, Zoey tore her eyes away from Joan’s abs (again, far too visible and far too defined!) to pointedly ignore the Song. But her boss merely danced after her, tossing her hair in time to the lyrics, hips swaying. To Zoey’s relief, Joan once again seemed to be Singing to herself rather than to anyone in particular.

“If I looked half as good as you, I’d be feelin’ good too…” Zoey muttered as Joan flung the towel up into the air and caught it again. She dodged the woman as she danced past. “And glad to hear another Song from you that’s a little more positive than usual…”

If he don’t love you anymore

Then walk your fine ass out the door!

Zoey chuckled at the lyrics and Joan's accompanying sass. She perched herself on the edge of the sinks to wait out the Heart Song. Like so many of the Songs she heard of late, this one seemed to be taking place within a stretch of time that only she seemed to experience. Mo had started referring to them as Zone Outs, since the only time he’d been with Zoey when she’d witnessed one he’d reported that her face just went frighteningly blank for about two seconds. Zoey on the other hand, had witnessed a stranger perform an entire moving rendition of I Want You Back to his ex-boyfriend in those two seconds.

Zoey considered how Joan must be feeling as the woman tossed her long hair from side to side, perched on the changing room bench like she was in a photo shoot. Joan was now single for the first time in a good long while, Zoey realized. Of course she was going to be feeling good about strutting around in a swimsuit looking like that on a beach full of available guys. Who wouldn’t? Maybe she really was doing better now that Charlie and she were officially split. Surely she wouldn’t be Singing this song if some part of her was still hurting?

Zoey smiled as Joan returned to the chorus. “Glad you’re really doing better…” her thoughts drifted back to the Meet & Greet and that distant look on Joan’s face after Claudia left. “and apparently not just pretending…?”

As the Song ended, (with Joan back at her exit from the changing room) Joan caught sight of Zoey and seemed to do a double-take. Looking away, Zoey self-consciously tugged on one of her straps, suddenly very aware of the lack of clothing on them both. And her lack of any impressive muscles to reveal. She hoped she looked even a tenth as good as Joan did.

“Ready?” Joan asked, walking up to her, fiddling with her long hair like she couldn't decide whether or not to leave it down.

Mouth dry, Zoey could only nod.

Joan’s eyes searched her briefly. “You uh…you look good…” Joan told her, with an approving nod. “…in…in that.”

As with all compliments from Joan, Zoey couldn't tell if it was genuine but awkward or merely polite. “Thanks! You…you too!” The words felt hollow and she hoped Joan didn’t think she was just being nice. “I mean…you always look good but…wow! That…” she made a vague gesture in the general direction of Joan’s abs. “that is…im…pressive.”

Great, now she’d made it weird.

But to her surprise, Joan didn’t seem bothered by the awkward compliment. The faintest of blushes crawled across her face. “Thank you. I was hesitant at first but my new workout routine has really given me a lot of confidence.”She ran a hand down her side, grimacing slightly. "Then again I am pushing mid-forties...hardly the prime age for a 'beach-bod'...is the suit too much?"

Zoey shook her head. "No! No! You look...good." She struggled to find another adjective. "Youthful!"

Joan gave her a weird look, like she couldn't decide if she should be flattered or not. She gestured towards the door. “Shall we?”

Face on fire, Zoey nodded. “Lead the way.”

She once again trailed behind the woman, busying herself with her towel so she wouldn’t be tempted to ogle her boss’ swimsuit again.

No, ogle was the wrong word…

Admire?

Nope, still felt off.

Zoey shook herself. It was just Joan. Her boss. They were two women…two colleagues…friends attending the conference together. Nothing awkward about seeing each other in swimsuits…nothing at all…it was just a lot of skin to show...

The Florida sun was unrelenting, Zoey could practically feel her skin cells frying the moment the beams hit her. The sand was hot underfoot, the ocean gleaming wickedly in the late-afternoon heat.

She squinted, wishing she’d thought to pack sunglasses. The glare was going to give her a headache soon…and a nasty face-burn within minutes.

Something plopped onto her head, casting an oasis of shadow over her face.

Joan side-eyed her over her sunglasses as Zoey’s hands found the brim of the sunhat she’d placed there. “Looked like you needed it.” Was all she said.

Zoey tugged the protection further down over her eyes. “Uh…thanks.”

Momentarily stunned (both by the reduced glare and Joan’s thoughtfulness) Zoey watched her walk away. It was only once Joan paused to place her things down a little ways away that Zoey realized she hadn’t taken a step since the hat had taken up residence on her head.

“Come on, get a hold of yourself…it's a hat...” She trotted over to Joan’s side.

Nothing awkward about this.

But as Joan bent over to lay out her towel, Zoey’s eyes were inadvertently drawn downward.

sh*t, even her butt is toned!

Her face flamed at the realization and she quickly ducked her head to place her own towel down alongside Joan’s.

Of course, she saw the woman in pantsuits and slacks all the time around the office, so she was aware of the general shape. But much like with Joan’s abs, it simply did not compare to having the incredibly toned thing barely covered right in front of her.

How am I supposed to ignore it when it looks like that?

And why did she feel strangely guilty about thinking about it?

“Zoey?”

She looked up, somewhat relieved to see Joan sitting. “Yeah?”

Joan held out a thin white tube. “Want me to get your shoulders?”

Zoey considered the sunscreen, wondering just how the heck Joan had managed to smuggle it through the TSA. “Oh I can…I can do it myself…” She reached for the tube but Joan pulled it back out of her reach.

“Zoey come on, you cant reach all those open spots on your own.” Joan insisted, with that disapproving look that Zoey was finding it increasingly hard to refuse. “What kind of friend would I be if I let you get sunburned on our first day here?”

“Okay…yeah okay sure.” She turned around, hoping that it would help hide her discomfort. She felt like her thoughts about Joan’s body were written far too openly on her face. And the last thing she wanted was to make Joan feel uncomfortable about her gorgeous body when she was seeking out single guys.

Joan slathered up Zoey’s back, carefully rubbing the lotion into each opening in the suit. The motion was so persistent and soothing that Zoey actually felt herself start to relax into it. The hands drifted up to her shoulders, the massaging motion continuing. Zoey bit back a moan as the fingers found a tense spot.

“Finished.” Joan’s hands squeezed Zoey’s shoulders slightly as she released her. “Should keep you from turning into a lobster on me…”

“Thanks…” Zoey turned around and held out her hand. “Want me to...do yours?”

For just a moment, Joan hesitated. “Yes, thanks.” She turned around, holding the tube over her shoulder. “Don’t put on too much.” Joan warned her, “I am looking to get a little color.”

Zoey obliged, spreading a thin layer across Joan’s shoulders. At first she was hesitant to really touch but the sunscreen refused to rub into her boss’ skin without a good massage. She rubbed harder, feeling the taut muscles relax slightly under her fingers.

She was just capping the tube to hand it back when Joan spoke up.

“Could you do my back too?”

Zoey glanced down, seeing the daunting territory before her. “Umm, yeah…yeah of course.” And then she was rubbing lotion onto that long lean expanse of skin, her hands dipping incredibly close to both those abs and Joan’s butt.

Zoey swallowed.

Just don’t say anything…just don’t say anything and you wont make it weird…

But the thought had barely formed before her hands went rogue, leaving the expanse of back to slide slightly around Joan’s sides. Towards those abs.

“All covered!” Zoey declared, ripping her hands back.

Joan nodded, humming slightly. “Wake me up in ten minutes.” She told Zoey, already laying back.

Unable to tell if Joan’s eyes were closed with the sunglasses on, Zoey couldn’t be sure if she was trying to sleep or not.

With nothing else to do, she started rubbing sunscreen onto her exposed legs.

What the heck was that?

Her face burned at the thought that she’d almost touched Joan like that. Even for friends, that was highly inappropriate. She hadn’t touched anybody recently and certainly never let her hands wander like that when touching someone. And the last time Zoey had been intimate with anyone was…

Well, best not to get depressed about how pathetically long ago that was…I’m probably just tired…and not used to seeing Joan…so exposed.

Scratch that: seeing anyone so exposed.

Plucking the hat from her head, Zoey stole a glance at her supine boss, still unable to determine if she was asleep or not. Joan was professional, almost to a fault and never exposed more skin at work than the occasional glimpse of a clavicle through a scoop-neck blouse. Max and any of the other guys at work would have been astounded that Joan even owned a bikini.

Zoey shifted. It was…nice? To see the older woman looking so confident and laid back when she was usually in full-on work mode.

Despite the sunscreen, Zoey still felt the urge to run for safety from the sun. She forced herself to sit still for several minutes before she couldn't take it any longer.

As she scrambled to her feet, her foot accidentally connected with Joan’s thigh.

Joan grunted at the contact, sitting halfway up and pulling her sunglasses down to peer at Zoey. Her eyes bore the telltale glassiness of being roused from sleep.

It was such an unexpected bit of softness that Zoey momentarily couldn’t think of anything to say. “I’m uh…I’m gonna go swimming.” She finally managed.

Blinking, Joan nodded. “Go ahead,” she said, waving a hand. “I’ll be right behind you.”

Zoey nodded and turned, practically sprinting to the edge of the crashing waves. Where she normally tiptoed into any body of water, this time she ran straight in. She needed the space at the moment.

The Atlantic was cold, far colder than the Pacific. But rather than deterring her, Zoey found it to be more of an invitation to venture deeper. The cold was invigorating, re-energizing her like she’d just taken another long nap. She waded in up to her waist, feeling the suck of the undertow tugging at her.

A splash behind her alerted her to Joan’s presence. Without so much as a grimace, the woman dove straight past her and into the waves, stroking powerfully outward.

Shivering, Zoey could only watch in appreciation as her boss swam a few meters out then turned and stroked smoothly back. She could see where the abs and butt came from now.

Joan resurfaced, hair dripping and hanging loose and messy about her shoulders.

“You coming?” She called, beckoning Zoey forward. Her smile was infectious, even from a distance.

With a nod, Zoey readied herself. Sucking in a deep breath, she plunged in up to her neck. She followed Joan out, adopting a plodding doggie paddle rather than risk ducking her head. Her hair would frizz out like crazy if she got it wet. She stroked out to where the older woman was swimming. When she reached Joan’s side, she made to stand.

Her brain barely registered that the sand wasn’t there before a hand gripped her arm. Her head bobbed but mercifully, didn’t go under.

“Careful…” Joan warned, treading water herself while holding Zoey up. “it’s a bit deeper than you think.”

Zoey kicked, barely feeling the sand brush her toes. “Thanks.”

Even though Zoey insisted she was a good swimmer, Joan still didn’t let go until Zoey could comfortably stand once more.

***

Sometime later, Zoey retreated back to their towels. She’d only just begun to feel the chill but Joan had informed her her lips were turning blue and all but ordered her back to the beach.

Grabbing her towel, she wrapped herself in it and faced the sun. Slowly, feeling began to tingle back into her skin. This actually wasn’t half bad, Zoey decided. It had been a rough start with the swimsuits and the Song, and her awkward attempts at compliments but so far she’d managed to avoid making a complete fool of herself.

Zoey glanced back towards the shore. Joan had emerged from the water and was wringing her hair out. But since Zoey had left her, she’d acquired a companion.

Zoey stood up, peering towards the man now talking to Joan. Dressed in simple trunks, he and Joan appeared to be having a nice conversation. Zoey tilted her head. He was…nice-looking. Superficially. He too had visible abs but Zoey didn’t find them nearly as impressive as Joan’s. While he didn’t look old, per se, he was definitely at least a decade younger than Joan.

“Maybe…she’s into that…?” Zoey muttered to herself. After all, what did she know about Joan’s preferences?

To her surprise, the man followed Joan as she returned to Zoey’s side.

He gave Zoey a charming smile as they drew near. “Hey. I was just telling your friend that we’ve got a doubles beach volleyball game going on at the court,” Joan bent to pick up her towel and Zoey watched as his eyes followed the movement appreciatively.“…you want in?”

“What do you say, Zoey?” There was an eager little gleam in Joan’s eye. "Up for a little competition?"

Zoey shifted, pulling the towel closer around her. Beach volleyball sounded like a sure-fire way to ensure a humiliating moment on her part. “Uhh um, sure!” But after all, who was Zoey to get between Joan and her beach full of attractive single men? If it looked like Joan was hitting it off, she could always duck away.

The three of them made their way down the beach, the guy chatting up Joan, asking her various things about her workout routine, visit to Daytona, and ability to swim.

Or rather, trying to chat Joan up. No matter what avenue he tried or how obviously he hinted that he was interested, Joan never gave him more than a crisp, business-like answer. Or stony silence.

Zoey trailed behind to watch, confused. Why was Joan not at least flirting back? Her HeartSong had been all about letting go and feeling good; why wasn’t she indulging in the whole reason they’d come down here?

She was married for twenty years...maybe her flirting game is a little off?

But Zoey found she wasn't satisfied with that theory.

***

Turns out, Zoey was even worse at volleyball than she remembered. But it hardly mattered because Joan appeared to anticipate her every fumble and was there to help them recover.

They cheered as Joan spiked yet another botched pass from Zoey into their winning point. Joan offered her a high-five and she slapped it without anxiety for once. Zoey was actually enjoying herself now, not worrying too much about the sun or admiring the way Joan’s abs looked glistening with sweat and sand from her many diving saves.

“Whoa, you are competitive!” Zoey laughed. “Remind me never to play one-on-one with you!”

“Too right.” Joan agreed, brushing off her stomach. “I’ve been known to put up quite a fight in team sports!”

Zoey tore her eyes from the motion, hoping for once that her sun-touched skin and exertion from the game hid her blush and excused her wide-eyed stare. "Well...remind me never to start a company softball league."

Joan laughed.

Leaving Joan’s side, Zoey went to retrieve the ball from where it had rolled off the court.

A hand found her back as she bent to retrieve it. “You play good.”

Startled, Zoey straightened up but the hand didn’t leave her. She found herself facing the guy from earlier, his hand being the one on her lower back. “Ha.” Her nervous laugh marked a blaze of discomfort running through her body. “I really…really don’t.” She insisted. His smirk was unsettling this close up. Was that why Joan hadn't flirted back?

She tried to take a step away from him but he merely followed her. Zoey’s heart raced, feeling like a trapped bird. “Hey…there’s a party just down the beach a little ways at one of the bungalows.” He was saying. He leaned closer. “You up for a good time?”

“Uhhh…n..no..no thanks.” Zoey stuttered as his hand slid down her backside, giving her butt a little squeeze. She shuddered, repulsed and tried to squirm away. “We...we need to be getting back…”

He pulled her against him, muscles locking her in place, breath hot on her face. “Come on Ging, it’s just a little party…”

Joan was quite suddenly alongside her. She effortlessly slid herself between Zoey and the guy, extracting her from his grip. “Come on, Zoey.” She put her hands on Zoey’s shoulders and turned her around. Heart still beating far too fast, Zoey was glad for the guiding touch as Joan led her away on shaky legs.

But her 'friend' wasn't giving up. “Oh come on.” He called, jogging after them. “I was gonna invite you too Brunny! I’d party with that fine ass of yours.”

“No thanks.” Joan replied, in her boss-voice, drawing herself up like she were wearing a pantsuit again. “We’re good.” She squeezed Zoey’s shoulders slightly and picked up speed.

“Oh please.” The guy continued, this time eyeing Zoey. “The fun doesn’t have to end…don’t a couple of babes like you wanna hang with some bros?”

“Not ‘bros’ like you.” Joan shot back. “Now please, carry on being a public health issue down that way.”

The dude-bro scoffed. “What are you, her mom?”

Joan seemed momentarily stunned but tensed back up immediately. “No but I am her boss. Beat it.” Zoey was startled. She'd never known Joan to be so assertive unless it was work-related. Her sense had always been that the woman's forceful nature at work came from her vulnerability in her emotional life. But apparently Joan had a fighting spirit underneath that all.

The guy's eyebrows raised at Joan's comment. “Oh…” His face narrowed in a malicious leer. “Sorry, I didn’t realize I’d entered the dyke section of the beach.”

Joan tensed. “The what?”

“Didn’t mean to get between girlfriends.” He looked them up and down once more, this time with a lecherous smirk. “It’s clear you queers aren’t up for any adventures. Your loss.” He regarded Joan like a wad of chewed gum. “Of course, I doubt we would’ve had much fun with you anyway…you're a bit old for me...”

It was one thing for him to try to grope her. But hearing him speak to Joan like that lit a fire under Zoey. “Excuse me?” Pushing past a red-faced Joan, she stared him right in the face. Her courage astounded even her. “You...you got a problem with that? Or...or are you just upset you couldn’t possibly 'score' with either of us, even if we were interested?”

The guy only laughed at her. Which only infuriated Zoey more.

“You’d be lucky to have someone like her!” Zoey fumed, gesturing in Joan’s direction. “But a douchebag like you doesn’t deserve anything close! Get lost and stay that way!”

Something in her voice finally got to him. He shook his head. “Shame Ging…I thought you were pretty cute.” He turned, throwing a condescending wave over his shoulder. “Enjoy your time with your cougar…dyke.”

Zoey’s blood boiled. It was only the arm around her middle that stopped her from launching herself after him.

“Zoey…Zoey!” Joan scolded, pulling her back. “Get a hold of yourself!”

Zoey struggled, her insides still on fire with righteous anger as the guy vanished back into his group of friends. “But…but he…he’s…”

“He’s not worth it.” Joan assured her, shaking her slightly. “Trust me.”

Joan’s arm was tight around her stomach, only the sheer fabric of Zoey’s swimsuit keeping them from touching. Her hard bicep was pressed into Zoey’s side, her fingers wrapped around to her opposite hip. Her boss’ chest was pressed snug against her shoulder.

As soon as she noted this, Zoey had a hard time remembering why she’d been angry to begin with. Her face flamed, both from the contact and from shame at her violent impulse.

“Wow…you…you weren’t kidding about the whole…STD with palm trees thing.” She placed her hand over Joan’s arm but made no motion to remove it. The contact was as steadying as it was intimidating.

“Nope.” Joan glared down the beach as the group of bros retreated to their party. “Why Claudia picked this place for the conference, I have no idea…”

They stood there for a moment, Zoey collecting her thoughts and coming down off of her anger high. “Thanks…” She finally murmured, fingers tracing Joan's arm.

Joan shuddered. “Yeah…”

She seemed to realize that she was still holding Zoey because she released her so suddenly that Zoey almost face-planted into the sand.

“Come on…” Joan continued, her voice sounding hoarse. “I think I've had my fill of the beach.”

Chapter 4: Thursday - Dinner (Join us in the Banquet Hall or check out the local shops!)

Chapter Text

They gathered their things and changed back into their clothes, Zoey with some measure of relief. After her unpleasant encounter with that guy, she was feeling the urge to cover herself back up and vanish back into obscurity.

Joan was silent and stony-faced upon rejoining her, offering Zoey only a nod before walking out of the changing rooms.

Wincing, Zoey trailed behind her, feet dragging in the sand. Unfair though it was, Zoey couldn’t help but feel partially responsible for crushing Joan’s adventurous mood from earlier in the day.

“What are you thoughts on dinner?”

Startled, Zoey looked up and ran smack into Joan’s backside. “W…what?” She fumbled to recover herself and darted a pace back.

To her surprise, Joan actually chuckled at the action, rather than her usual condescending look. “How do you feel about Mexican?” She asked. “I know this place just a few blocks away - best margaritas on the East Coast.”

“OH uh…sure.” Zoey was feeling rather hungry after the long day on the beach. “But aren’t…aren’t we getting a free dinner? At the hotel?”

Joan shrugged. “We can miss it. Let me treat you…” She ducked her head and gave Zoey a coy little smile. “it’s the least I can do after you defended my honor.”

“I what?”

Joan nodded in the vague direction of the beach. “What you said to that party boy.” The smile slipped slightly and her turned away. “I…thank you…no one…no one’s ever stood up for me like that before. Usually…” she cleared her throat. “Usually I…I’ve had to stand up for myself.”

Zoey could relate to that. And the expression on Joan’s face was far too similar to the one she’d had just after her break-up with Charlie. “Oh…but…but you…you protected me from him first!” She insisted. She placed a hand on Joan’s elbow. “So I should be buying you dinner!” She smiled up at the woman, determined to make that face vanish.

Joan arched an eyebrow. “Do you have your wallet?”

Zoey crumpled. “…no.”

Now Joan smiled. “Get me next time then…for this time, let the millionaire treat the underling.”

It seemed more and more to Zoey that Joan was far too content with "treating the underling" this trip. But she was hungry and currently broke so she accepted the gesture.

They strolled down the street, Joan apparently knowing exactly where they were and Zoey content to follow.

“So why…why did you turn down that guy?” Zoey finally asked.

Her boss sniffed. “He was rude to you.”

“No, initially…he was…he was checking you out when we first ran into him.” It had been bothering her since they’d run into Douche-bro…why hadn’t Joan flirted with him, even a little?

“Too young for me.” Joan insisted immediately. She waved a hand. “If we’d done anything, I would have been labeled a cradle-robber. Plus, he seemed more interested in you.”

Zoey choked back a laugh. “NO thank you.”

Joan side-eyed her but for once, Zoey caught no judgment in it. It felt more...searching. “Not your type?”

“No.” Zoey insisted. “I need someone with at least half a brain. He was all muscle.” She shuddered. “Nope. I need at least a Ranger not a Barbarian.”

Joan shrugged. “Or a Cleric…”

Zoey stopped dead, her mouth hanging open. It took her two seconds to process the fact that Joan apparently played D&D and get her feet to start working again.

“What?” Joan demanded as Zoey rejoined her, “you really thought I wasn’t a massive nerd under all the tech glamor?” She smirked at Zoey and waved a hand in front of her face. “This isn’t the boss you’re looking for…”

Shaken, Zoey trailed after Joan on spindly legs. She was starting to suspect she’d dropped through a wormhole into an alternate dimension.

But she didn’t mind at all.

The restaurant Joan took her to was some kind of seafood-Mexican fusion called Tacos del Mar. It had plenty of outdoor seating but Joan took one look at Zoey’s face and requested an indoor table.

“You look like you’re wearing rouge…” She informed Zoey as they sat down. “I think getting you out of the sun is for the best.” She nudged Zoey’s glass of water closer to her as soon as their waitress poured it.

Zoey nodded. “Yeah, trust me, any longer and rouge would be an understatement…”

They ordered food and ‘enough margaritas to get them both buzzing like bees’ (as Joan put it).

Zoey gave it until the drinks arrived before pressing the issue again.

“So…” She stirred her large margarita, already wondering if one was enough to get her tipsy. “…the great Joan Bennett plays D&D?”

Joan sighed. “It really was too much to hope you’d just absorb that and let it go?”

“I’m sorry but I really cant!” Zoey exclaimed, practically bouncing in her seat. “What do you play as? Paladin? No, no a Bard! Any character you play has got to have a high Intelligence rating…”

For a moment, Zoey was afraid Joan wasn’t going to answer. The woman took a long sip of her drink giving Zoey plenty of time to quiet down and rev herself slowly back up again. “Actually…” Joan’s cheeks pinked as she finally responded. “I…played as a Rogue…”

Zoey felt like she’d just rolled a 20. “WHat?!” Her yelp was so pronounced that the couple at the table across from them glanced their way.

“Like 20 years ago!” Joan insisted, picking up her drink again. She ducked behind it slightly. “Stop looking at me like that…”

Zoey couldn’t help it. Her mouth was well and truly unhinged and she felt like her inner nerd was dancing to a Rick-roll.

“How…” She took a gulp of margarita to steady herself. “How have we not talked about this?” It felt exactly like the kind of thing they should have discussed at one of their lunches.

“Are you really that serious of a campaigner?”

Zoey shrugged. “Well…mainly back in college…I’ve been so busy with work lately that…” Her mouth clamped shut, instantly remembering who she was talking to. “Never…never mind…”

She busied herself with her drink, heat crawling along her skin as shame at her excitement coiled within her.

She so rarely got to share her passions for long fantasy epics. Mo couldn’t have cared less and Max was so wrapped up in superhero culture that Zoey couldn’t possibly drag him away from it long enough to introduce anything else. Her college circle of campaigners had all drifted to various corners of the world and they hadn't tried to reconnect for virtual campaigns. It felt…weirdly right that she’d found such a person in Joan of all people. The woman was full of surprises and under the tough exterior, so very similar to Zoey in her awkward vulnerability.

Speaking of which…

“So about that guy…” Zoey tried, just as Joan opened her mouth to say something.

“Oh sorry…sorry you go…”

“No, no! It’s fine…”

“Zoey…” Joan finally cut in as their arguing devolved. “I…I would rather not talk about what happened…okay?”

Zoey was taken aback by Joan’s insistence. “Oh…oh okay yeah sure…”

“I mean…” Joan continued, “if I was going to date a guy…I wouldn’t just throw myself at the first one who looked my way…right?” She tapped the edge of her glass, gathering salt on the pad of her finger.“I mean…jeez, I’m old but I still have some self-respect…”

“You’re not that old…” Zoey snuck in, unable to help herself and disturbed to see Joan turning on herself so suddenly.

Joan scoffed, sucking her drink right down to the slush. “Please Zoey, we’re not at work…you don’t have to be nice. Please just be brutally honest with me when we're not on the clock...” She waved impatiently at the waitress and gestured for another round of drinks. “God, I forgot how weak these things are…”

A thought occurred to Zoey as Joan retreated back to her boss persona. “Joan…if you…if you’re not ready to date, that’s fine.” Zoey should have guessed that that might be a part of Joan’s reluctance. “You were married for awhile…it’s going to take you time to readjust…”

Joan waved her hand, cutting Zoey off but her eyes bore that familiar look Zoey knew from her break-up. “No, enough about me. Please, I’d much rather not talk about it.”

Zoey very much doubted that. But she didn’t want to press the issue. Even thinking about what had transpired on the beach made her feel a little uncomfortable.

Their next round of margaritas arrived and Zoey scrambled to slurp more of her first down so the waitress could take it away.

“After the whole Charlie incident, you know more about me than…almost anyone...” Joan reflected. Her eyes slid to Zoey over her glass. “But I don’t know that much about you.”

Zoey’s heart skipped. “Oh…uh…that’s alright…I really don’t mind…” She fiddled with the dirty-yellow napkin under her silverware. The alcohol from the first drink was starting to hit her empty stomach, making her feel like if she opened her mouth, all of her secrets would just spill out onto the table.

“Zoey.” Joan reached across the table and laid a single finger on Zoey’s knuckle. “I want to know. So tell me.” She tapped Zoey’s hand twice then slowly withdrew her finger. “If you…if you want too.”

The sentiment, while endearing, sent a jolt of terror through Zoey. So much of her life recently had been focused on her reaching out to other people. The idea that one of them wanted to return the favor…it made her feel like she was under a microscope.

Now she understood Joan’s initial aversion to opening up. It was terrifying, leaving the most unpalatable bits of your life laying out for someone else to try. What if Joan didn’t like those bits?

“What…um…” She cleared her throat and played with her bamboo straw. “What do you want to know?”

“Anything.” Joan leaned back, sipping her drink. “Where’d you grow up? What’s you’re family like? Do you have any long-standing feuds with your parents?”

Zoey involuntarily flinched at the mention of parents. She felt Joan’s eyes fixate on her, peering into her like the MRI machine that had given her her powers.

“What?” Joan caught herself, sounding terrified. A bit of her drink sloshed over the rim as she hurriedly put it down. “Was it the parents thing? Oh god, I’m sorry…is it…? Are they?”

Zoey had to chuckle at the woman’s awkwardness. “They’re both alive…” She assured Joan, watching with interest as the woman breathed a slight sigh of relief. “It’s just…it’s complicated.”

Joan stared at her, wide-eyed and timid. She clearly wanted to say something but didn’t know how to continue the conversation. Her silence and uncertainty was somehow more inviting than if she’d spoken.

Zoey cleared her throat. If it was anyone else (except for Simon), she would have given the vaguest of answers and pressed on to a new, less depressing and personal topic. But this was Joan. The woman she’d once listened to for four hours about various times Charlie had bailed on her and Joan had somehow always ended up as the guilty party. The same woman who told her about various rich-person life hacks Zoey could never hope to afford but still shared because she felt like they gave her so much new wisdom and purpose in her newly-single lifestyle.

Somewhere along the line, Zoey had gained intimate knowledge of Joan’s life. And while Joan had certainly asked things about Zoey in return, Zoey had not been nearly so open regarding her own life. Wasn’t the very fact that Joan was seeking out more info proof enough to be as real as she could? Did she owe her that?

No, Zoey decided. But she wanted to give her that anyway.

“Well…” she began, finding her own voice was shaking. “uh…it’s complicated because…my dad’s dying.”

Joan blinked, her mouth opening slightly. But she didn’t say anything.

“He…he has this rare neuro-degenerative disease…” Zoey continued, playing with her napkin again. “and we…we were told he’d get two years…maybe less. And since then…it’s been…” she took a deep breath. “it’s been really hard…” But that was as much as she could get out before feeling like she was going to cry. And she wasn’t ready to do that in front of her boss.

She risked a glance at Joan. But instead of the shock or sympathy she expected, Joan looked almost…angry. “Zoey, I…” Joan swallowed, her face relaxing. “I had no idea…”

“Why would you?” Zoey said quickly, still puzzling over why Joan would possibly be angry over a thing like this. “I never brought it up.”

Joan shook her head. “But you…you hid it so well…I never suspected that….” Joan looked away, blinking hard. “I…I didn’t know…” She sounded…apologetic.

“How could you?” Zoey insisted quickly, starting to panic about just how personally Joan was taking this. “It was my personal life…and…and you told me to keep my personal life out of the office…”

“That was before!” Joan insisted, voice rising ever so slightly.

Zoey flinched. “B…before what?”

“Before…” Joan fiddled with the rim of her glass again. “…before I cared…” she mumbled.

Silence fell between them; Joan refusing to look at Zoey and Zoey unable to look away. She couldn’t figure out Joan’s reaction to this. Simon certainly hadn’t acted this way, nor had Max when he’d initially found out.

She waited, part of her hoping a Song was coming up to bridge this sudden gap between her understanding and Joan’s behavior. But there was nothing. For this instance, it would seem Zoey was meant to figure this out on her own, without a neon sign from the universe.

“I uh…I know what it’s like…”

Zoey looked up. Joan was systematically folding her napkin into smaller and smaller squares.

“I…my…my mother…” Joan swallowed hard and looked away, out over the rest of the crowded restaurant. “she…died of Parkinson’s…a few years back…it was…” She turned to look Zoey in the eyes.

It was hardly a big musical number. But Zoey got the message. “Joan…”

But despite the obvious pain of the memories, Joan shook her head. “How…how long ago was he diagnosed?”

Heart still caught up in the revelation, it took Zoey a moment to think back. “uhhhmm, about…about 6 months ago…”

Joan’s eyes pinched in understanding. She didn’t have to say anything. Zoey immediately recognized the same fear and numbing powerlessness that had overtaken her life since that day when she’d gotten the call from her mother.

“It…it was all just so…so sudden.” The words were just spilling from her now. “One day he could talk and the next…”

Joan’s eyes softened. “…Nothing. Couldn’t make a sound…” She scoffed. “Not even laughter…” A hollow look overtook her face but unlike Zoey’s pain, it seemed dulled by the passage of time. No longer crippling but merely sore.

“That…that’s what I miss the most…” Zoey admitted - even to herself she discovered. She bit her lip. “H…his laugh.”

Her dad had always been larger-than-life and with such a big heart. There was never a memory he couldn’t make or a joke he couldn’t tell. Losing that had been like cutting out half of her heart.

Joan reached across the table and took Zoey’s hand, breaking her away from her thoughts. “It sucks.” Joan said. “It really does. Knowing that it’s still them but not being able to reach them anymore…never being sure if they remember you…if they can even hear what you’re saying…”

Her eyes shone with unshed tears but she kept an impressive control over her emotions. Watching her, Zoey was struck by a sobering and fascinating thought. Would she one day look like Joan did now? The pain dulled but never truly gone?

Joan squeezed Zoey’s hand, eyes roaming the table as she searched for words. “Zoey…when you reached out to me about my marriage…I hadn’t realized that I needed someone to share that with.” She met Zoey’s gaze and once again, Zoey recognized the emotion immediately. “So…I know you’ve got Max and your other friends but…I’m here too…if you feel like you need someone to talk to.” The corner of Joan’s mouth turned up in a smile so compassionate that Zoey momentarily felt like someone had just yanked her out of a free-fall.

Zoey took a shuddering breath, feeling tears gather in the corner of her eye. But for the first time, she felt…fully safe around Joan. “…Thank you…”

Joan’s hand was still in place, still applying a gentle soothing motion across the back of Zoey’s hand. Unlike earlier in the day, Joan seemed to be in no hurry to let go.

And to Zoey’s surprise, she found she didn’t mind in the slightest.

Something was happening in her chest, a warmth that she hadn’t experienced since she had heard her father’s first Heart Song curling pleasantly through her. For the first time in a long time, she felt like things were going to be okay.

Joan’s grip shifted, almost like she was going to say something else or rearrange the contact of their hands. Zoey perked up, her own hand twitching in response. But whether to keep the contact or break it, she couldn’t say.

But before she could do anything to sully or deepen…whatever was happening, their food arrived.

Joan let go.

Their return to the hotel was pleasant. As the sun set, the temperature became far more enjoyable. And the loss of the dreaded sunlight made Zoey much happier to be outside. Despite the long day, Zoey still felt like she had a little skip in her step. She strolled alongside Joan as they made their way back to their room. The rest of dinner had flowed like one of their lunches, the only difference being the inclusion of alcohol and most of the conversation focusing on Zoey’s childhood misadventures. Joan had found the story about the time she’d reprogrammed David’s mp3 player to only play Death Metal particularly hilarious. But maybe the second margarita was partially to blame for that.

Their conversation about their parents hung between them but Zoey felt none of the expected awkwardness from such an intimate talk. Rather, it felt binding, like a secret they had shared that meant something different to each of them. Joan’s tipsy little smile as they rode the elevator back up assured Zoey that she agreed with the sentiment.

Joan had tried to convince Zoey to walk the strip and have a few more drinks but Zoey had insisted that she wanted to be well-rested for the conference in the morning. A hangover was not going to help if she ran into Claudia or any other of her technological idols. And the time difference was starting to hit her.

“You want first shower?” Joan asked as they entered their room.

Zoey shook her head, marveling at the difference a single afternoon had made in changing the interaction between them. “No, you go ahead. I’m okay waiting.” Her head was buzzing with thoughts and she eagerly awaited putting them into her journal. Meeting Claudia alone was probably going to take up several pages. Dinner even more so. And she had some choice words for the whole beach experience.

Joan disappeared into the bathroom, towel and clothes in hand and Zoey settled herself in their desk chair to wait her turn. She really was having a good time so far. Dinner with Joan had effectively killed all of her nerves from that morning. Under the tough boss exterior, Joan was just another vulnerable, ambitious woman making her way in a man’s world. And after today, Zoey could see the genuine sides of her boss and reminders of the past that she hid to avoid pain from the cruel world.

The swimsuit though…that image of Joan’s sand-dusted stomach was still burned in her mind. And the feel of Joan’s arm around her waist…

Zoey shuddered. Maybe all the awkwardness wasn’t gone yet…but she doubted it ever would. This was Joan Bennet. If Zoey hadn’t spent the last 5 years working for her and the past few weeks getting to know her better, she probably would have been even more of a mess around her than she had been when she’d met Claudia. Plus, Joan was a beautiful, surprisingly fit woman.

She was rummaging in her bag for a pen when she heard something.

A muted Song was coming from the shower. At first, Zoey thought that Joan might actually be singing but the instrumentals gave it away.

Another one?

Her hand was already on the bathroom door handle before she realized what she was doing.

Horrified, Zoey shrank back, clutching the betraying appendage to her chest. Her entire journey from bag to bathroom door was a blur in her memory.

She took several steps away. Normally, she was drawn towards Songs and just approached the person(s) Singing. But Joan was in the shower. Friend or not, that was hardly professional.

Still…wasn’t the rule that she needed to listen? After several long seconds of deliberating, Zoey pressed her ear to the door. She couldn’t make out much over the shower and didn’t recognize the small snippets of lyrics she heard.

…don’t stop the car let’s drive…

…we play with fire…

Shaking her head, Zoey gave up. If it was really important, she was sure she’d hear Joan Sing it again. With the rate their friendship was progressing, Joan might just tell her herself soon enough. And what on Earth would Joan possibly be Singing about in the shower of all places?

She settled herself back at the desk, tapping her pen along to the muted beat from the shower. She ran through her meager mental catalogue of songs about getting clean and washing up but nothing came to mind.

That’s now 3 different Heart Songs in one day from one person. “A new record…” She was spending a lot of time around Joan this trip…surely it was only natural that she heard more Heart Songs from her?

When Joan emerged from the shower several minutes later, fully clothed and toweling her hair dry, any remnants of her Song had long faded.

Zoey heard nothing else from her all night.

Chapter 5: Friday - Panels (see our app for specifics)

Chapter Text

As she rolled out of bed on Friday morning, Zoey could feel the slight burn from the sun on her face and shoulders. But to her surprise, a small tube of aloe was waiting for her on the sink.

Joan was stirring as she left the bathroom, the pain in her face cooled by the gel.

“Morning!” Zoey called, leaning over her suitcase to tuck her toiletries (and her new best friend!) away.

“ugh…” Joan rolled over, wincing at the dawn light piercing their curtains. “Turn that off…” She pulled the cover over her face.

Zoey laughed at the childish gesture. “We could switch beds if the sunlight bothers you.” She offered.

Joan only groaned again and rolled to face Zoey, eyes still closed.

Zoey froze as Joan’s eyes fluttered open, the sharp blues dulled by sleep but still somehow managing to pierce right through her. Half-awake like this, Joan’s face was soft, lacking in the tough expression she often wore so early in the office.

“mornin’…” Joan breathed, stretching under the covers. She sat up slowly, hair tumbling over her v-neck t-shirt. Zoey was unable to look away as the older woman stretched her arms up above her head, rolling her neck and popping her shoulders. The shirt rode up just enough that a sliver of skin was visible underneath.

Zoey pulled her eyes away and went back to digging through her suitcase as Joan stood up to use the bathroom. Her face was burning again and she couldn’t blame the sunburn this time. She’d seen the woman in a bikini yesterday; why was seeing her in her sleepwear just as awkward for her? And apparently, seeing Joan like this erased any gains she’d made the previous day. Yesterday, she’d all but cried in front of her. Now sleepwear was pitching her right back into awkward boss territory? Zoey sighed.

Am I ever going to be comfortable around her?

A brief rapping on the door had her springing up but the re-emerging Joan answered the knock. After a second in the hallway, Joan lugged a basket of pastries into the room.

“What’s that?”

Joan practically chucked the basket at Zoey. “Claudia sent them.” She replied curtly, crumpling something in her fist.

Zoey’s chest warmed. “That was nice of her!” She grabbed one and bit into it. She was about to take her second bite when she saw Joan watching her, a guarded expression on her face. “What is it?”

Joan shook her head, sighing. “She always does this…she knows it throws me off my game…” She chucked something into their waste basket, a napkin by the looks of it.

Zoey was a huge fan of free food so she wasn’t keen to agree. “Come on, she’s just being nice.”

“You don’t know her like I do…” Joan insisted, frowning. “with Claudia, everything has an ulterior motive…”

Zoey grabbed a second croissant, wondering just how they had been delivered warm. “Aren’t you going to have one?” She offered.

Joan shook her head. “I’m not doing carbs at the moment…” She reminded Zoey.

Digging deeper into the basket, Zoey extracted a low-fat greek yogurt from the center.

Joan rolled her eyes.

“Freakin’ stalker…” she grumbled, snatching the container from Zoey. But if the relish with which she dug into the yogurt was any indication, she appreciated the gesture.

Zoey dressed while Joan ate, pulling on her best dress and blazer combo. Today was all talks, panels, and workshops. But she was coming prepared: water, tablet, phone. And so what if her copy of Reprogramming Nature by a certain Claudia was in her bag too? That was just for some light reading during dull periods…

Joan rolled her eyes as Zoey turned around.

“What?” Zoey scanned her outfit, instantly convinced that she’d done something wrong again. Her heart beat heavily, mind spinning the conclusion that yesterday had just been a fluke and here she was again: just the underling in need of desperate help from the incredible Joan Bennett.

“Claudia doesn’t do autographs…” Joan replied flatly, crossing past Zoey to start changing. “And dont bother with the heels today…no one will notice.” She caught Zoey’s eye and smiled, a hint of yesterday's compassion evident in her gaze.

And just like that…the awkwardness was gone again, vanishing from Zoey’s chest like ice melting in the sun.

Smirking, Zoey kicked off the Lubetans and dug her flats out. By the time she’d pulled them on, Joan was ready to go. The woman was once again dressed effortlessly to the nines: this time in a striking navy pantsuit. And in spite of her suggestion to Zoey, she was wearing heels.

“Come on…” Joan prodded her towards the door before Zoey could comment on the choice. “Pick up the pace…I need coffee like an engine needs oil.”

"So...once in a while to keep running smoothly?"

"Don't you be smart with me before I've had caffeine...it isn't fair."

Smirking, Zoey pretended not to notice when Joan nabbed a croissant on their way out the door.

By the time they finished their coffee from the downstairs continental breakfast (curiously lacking in croissants and yogurts), it was nearly time for the conference to begin in earnest.

“Now dont be intimidated…” Joan advised as they followed a crowd of women towards the conference center.

“Really? How can I not be?” Zoey quipped, her heart hammering in her throat. “Just surrounded by literally hundreds of successful women in my field…” she eyed a passer-by in a stunning dress and heels, “all dressed way better than me…”

Joan laughed and pushed Zoey in front of her into the large room. “And hundreds of up-and-comers like yourself dressed in little more than jeans and polos…just…” she rested her hands on Zoey’s shoulders as they crossed the threshold. “…soak it all in.”

The warm, friendly gesture was very distracting, bringing back memories of those hands rubbing sunscreen across her back the day before. Joan had certainly become more affectionate this trip, probably because of their official upgrade from boss-subordinate to friends. But Zoey didn’t dwell on that conclusion long because the conference center was, if anything, even more impressive than the ballroom had been. To Zoey’s untrained architectural eye, it looked like something straight out of a Disney princess castle. If said Disney princess was obsessed with technology.

There was a freaking fountain in the center of the room for crying out loud! And an enormous staircase flanked by elaborate golden pillars and statues of various animals. The conference logo was everywhere: swag hanging off of the statues, LED screens between pillars, and even formed in the pattern of the fountain’s spray. Women filled the space, their conversations created a pulsing murmur of sound that the vaulted ceiling only echoed back. Several were carrying tablets, VR headsets and other pieces of tech that Zoey couldn’t make out at the moment.

Joan was still talking, squeezing Zoey’s shoulders before letting go. But Zoey couldn’t hear her anymore. Because the entire room had just been flooded with a tight, rhythmic drumline. Everyone around her was rushing into formation on the stairs, even Joan. Zoey was left alone facing a veritable army of Singing women.

She clutched her bag a little tighter. “Ooh boy…this is gonna be something…”

It shouldn’t have surprised her that Joan took the lead at the head of the pack.

Girls, we run this motha, yeah

Girls, we run this motha, yeah

Girls, we run this motha, yeah

Girls we run this motha, girls

Who run the world?

Girls

Who run the world?

Girls

Who run the world?

Girls

Who run the world?

Girls

Zoey watched in open-mouthed amazement as the entire conference population joined in an elaborate choreographed dance number, utilizing the whole space. Women of all shapes and ages joined Joan at the front of the pack to trade off lyrics:

Some of them men think
They freak this like we do
But no they don't
Make your check come at they neck
Disrespect us no they won't

Boy don't even try to touch this
Boy this beat is crazy
This is how they made me
Houston Texas baby

This goes out to all my girls
That's in the club rocking the latest
Who will buy it for themselves
And get more money later

For the first time, Zoey felt really, truly excited to be here instead of just terrified. If she could join in the Song, she would have.

Who are we?
What we brought?
The world (who run this motha', yeah)

Who are we? What we brought?
The world (who run this motha', yeah)

Who are we?
What do we run?
We run the world (who run this motha', yeah)

Who are we?
What we brought?
We run the world
Who run the world?

Girls!

The Song ended on a power pose, the LED screens in the room all bursting into bright, burning displays of the logo. Zoey nearly burst into applause. This was by far the biggest, best Heart Song she’d yet experienced.

As the Beyoncé number closed, Zoey blinked hard and found herself back in the lobby, two seconds after their entrance. Another Zone Out.

“Zoey?”

She looked to Joan, getting her bearings back as the background babble invaded her ears again. “Sorry just…” she couldn’t stop smiling. “…it’s more than I ever imagined…”

Joan’s face lit up. “Just you wait.” She beckoned Zoey forward and they entered the throng of women heading for the registration tables. Joan said hello to a few women they passed but didn’t seem to know them any more intimately than that.

The space beyond the lobby was, if anything, even more impressive. Dozens of lecture halls and massive conference rooms surrounding a wide spiral staircase. And even more women! Zoey kept waiting for a reprise to break out but everyone inside seemed too focused to need to Sing.

“What’s happening?” She asked Joan as they stopped walking, unable to move for the mass of women blocking their path.

Joan only gestured upward.

Zoey looked up. And felt her knees turn to jelly.

On a balcony some four floors above them, Claudia Balusa was perched like a queen surveying her subjects. She was regal and resplendent in a golden pantsuit and a tiara. Zoey trembled.

She had shaken her hand.

Claudia’s eyes drifted over them and caught on Joan’s. She smirked and Zoey swore she saw her wink. She gave Zoey a nod before moving her gaze on.

With a quiet groan, Joan rolled her eyes.

More and more women joined them, cramming as far into the space as they could. Zoey and Joan were pressed shoulder to shoulder, a gaggle of UC Berkeley students on their left and a trio of Lockheed Martin engineers crowding their right.

Just as Zoey was getting a bit claustrophobic, nearly tucked under Joan’s arm to maintain some measure of personal space, a familiar rhythm sounded.

“Again…?” Zoey muttered, aghast at the fact that the reprise would somehow take place in this dense crowd. There wasn’t room to move, let alone dance!

“What’d you say Zoey?” Joan asked, turning to her, her arm instinctively curling around Zoey's form but not quite touching her.

Zoey blinked as the women around them began to cheer. “You’re not joining this time…?”

Joan gave her a weird look and Zoey realized that she wasn’t hearing another Song. This time, Beyoncé was playing over the speakers. She flushed and turned away.

“N…never mind…”

“Hello, all my beautiful ladies!” Claudia boomed, her voice echoing majestically from her perch, buoyed by the music. “Why have you all kept me waiting? So? LONG?!”

“Drama queen…” Joan muttered as the crowd broke into cheers.

“Are there any smart women out there TODAY?!” Claudia called, cupping one hand around her ear.

A deafening roar rose from the crowd.

“I said….” Claudia’s face appeared quite suddenly on massive, nearly invisible LED screens all around the room. “ARE THERE ANY SMART WOMEN OUT THERE TODAY?!”

Zoey had to cover her ears at the volume of the replying cheer, worrying about temporary hearing loss.

“That’s more like it!” Claudia declared. She mouthed along to the lyrics: Girls! We run this motha! The crowd pulsed in appreciation. Further back, someone screamed: “I love you, Claudia!”

Zoey winced, glad that she at least had the self-control (and social anxiety) to not do that. However much she wanted to.

“Now ladies!” Claudia declared, “it is my most solemn and prestigious duty…to call this gathering of the 5th Annual International Women in Technology Conference to order!”

“Order!” Several people shouted at various spots around the room. Chuckles broke out that Zoey couldn’t judge as nervous or embarrassed.

“Someone’s eager this year…” Joan commented, arms crossed. But Zoey could see the slight twitch of anticipation in her fingers and the smile fighting to show itself on her face.

“Claudia certainly is…” Zoey observed.

The woman was pausing dramatically atop her balcony, looking for all intents and purposes like an actor in the middle of one of Shakespeare’s most emotional monologues - from one of the historical plays no one actually read.

Claudia waited long enough that all the laughter and titters from the audience below petered out. She waited until every eye was on her and half the audience was holding its breath.

She coughed once, almost demurely. Then she reached behind her and extracted…

An enormous, inflatable hammer.

“Wh…?”

Before Zoey could process that, Claudia reared back, holding the hammer aloft like Lady Thor.

“ORDER!” She cried and struck the edge of the balcony. A faint squeaking sound could be heard from the hammer.

The room burst into cheers and applause but Zoey was still feeling a little flabbergasted.

“NOW!” Claudia declared, hefting the hammer again. “Scatter my pretties! Fly!”

And without another word, she tossed the hammer from the balcony and returned to waving like a queen.

Zoey heard a squeal of excitement as someone far in front of them caught the over-sized inflatable.

The crowd began to mill about them, people starting to leave the area. The song continued to pound away overhead.

Zoey was bumped and jostled more than once and finally took a half-step closer to Joan just to make sure she wouldn’t lose her. “Is it…always like this?” She finally asked.

Joan nodded, eyes still fixed on the gesticulating Claudia. “That was all choreographed…she’s even worse when she’s not performing…” Joan assured her.

Zoey peered at her. There was something off about Joan’s expression again, something that Zoey couldn’t quite place. Whatever it was, it had replaced all the excitement from Joan’s Heart Song; like those feelings had been wiped clean away.

But before she could ask, before she could even try to string the right words together to ask, Joan was shaking herself again and narrowing her eyes.

“If you want a good seat for The Future of Implant Tech talk, we’d better get moving.” She smirked at Zoey. “Time to put those sharp elbows of yours to work!” And she marched determinedly into the crowd, clearing a path towards their first event.

Zoey rushed to follow.

To Zoey’s surprise and delight, Joan stayed with her throughout most of the day, apart from when she attended an integrated management workshop and Zoey had instead sat in on a panel of female coders for Facebook. Joan was even waiting outside the panel afterwards.

“How was it?” She asked, eyes lighting up as Zoey rejoined her.

Zoey was still riding the high of the experience; she felt like she was glowing. “Incredible! I know Facebook isn’t the best with data security but those women make it sound like they’ve already solved the problem and just need to convince everyone else to go along with it!” She wished she had her journal in hand right now to scribble down all the new ideas running through her head.

“If women ran the world…” Joan commented, missing Zoey’s awkward little smile in response. Zoey blinked as Joan leaned down and examined her closely. “How…how’s your face?”

In all honesty, Zoey had forgotten all about her face. “Great!” She tapped her skin, for once finding herself only mildly off-put by the closeness between them. “Thank you…thank you for the aloe this morning!”

Joan nodded. “It was the least I could do…you looked like a boiled lobster at dinner last night…” She was still so close, face only inches from Zoey’s. Zoey could see every laugh line in her smile.

“I…” Indignant and a little taken aback (was Joan…teasing her?) “I was at most half-boiled!” She insisted.

Joan laughed, her breath washing over Zoey’s face. “Well, given that I’m looking at your face and you are not, I think you should trust my judgement a little more…” She examined Zoey’s face again, something in her eyes soft in a way that Zoey wasn’t entirely sure she’d ever seen there before. Joan tilted her head and opened her mouth slightly.

Someone brushed past them, tossing an apology over their shoulder as they accidentally jostled Zoey closer to Joan.

Zoey immediately stepped back but it seemed the action only alerted Joan to just how close they were standing.

Joan cleared her throat, also taking a half-step back. “The afternoon’s pretty full but if you were interested, Claudia’s giving a talk before lunch on the integration of tech into other fields…”

Zoey practically levitated off the ground. Yup, she was officially dead because this had to be heaven. “Are you kidding? Yes!” She turned to dash off but stopped short at a hand on her arm.

“It’s this way,” Joan told her, pointing the other direction, towards a thicker crowd. She tugged Zoey gently until she turned around. “And don’t run, you’ll make me look bad.”

“You? I’m sure nothing could make you look bad…” Zoey didn’t know where her casual confidence was coming from. Maybe it was just a high from the conference or a side-effect of her new emotional comfort around the older woman. Or maybe it was from Joan’s hand: it was still on her arm, the pressure light but there. As they walked, the hand was slowly sliding down, fingers tickling Zoey’s palm. They were in a rather dense crowd…

But just as Zoey decided she wasn’t going to mention it, Joan seemed to realize the touch and immediately released her.

They followed the crowd to the lecture hall, Zoey even more abuzz now than she had been before. Her palm tingled with lost warmth.

At the conclusion of the first day, Zoey’s head was spinning.

She flopped on her bed, arms thrown up. “We have two more days of this?!”

Joan made an odd sound, like she was both laughing and clearing her throat. “It goes fast.”

“I hope not!” Zoey sat up, tugging her tablet from her bag and opening the conference app she had downloaded at lunch. “Just look at all the cool stuff they have for tomorrow! Tech Expo, the Tech Games…and Noor’s keynote!” She beamed, positively bursting with excitement. “And the Hackathon on Sunday!”

“You should enter.”

Joan’s casual insistence instantly punctured Zoey’s high. “What…no. No.” She nearly laughed at the absurdity.

“Why not?” Joan raised an eyebrow. “You’re the best programmer at SPRQ Point.”

Her seriousness was enough to make Zoey consider the possibility as not quite so absurd as she’d initially judged it. “I…I’ll think about it…Just…hackers are a…strange breed in the coding community…not sure I see myself fitting into that category.”

Joan hummed in thought, digging through her suitcase for something. “Well, worth a shot to find out.”

Zoey nodded, staring at the Hackathon logo on her screen.

Maybe.

She swiped back to Saturday’s events, her finger tapping the Tech Expo button. Logos of various companies popped up, including SPRQ Point, as Joan was running a booth to display their watch and several forthcoming opportunities for internships. Zoey’s eye was immediately drawn to the NASA logo in the top left corner.

NASA…it had always been her dream to be an astronaut. But she’d learned pretty early that she would never qualify for space flight. So she’d turned her attention instead to coding, hoping that one day she would find another way to the stars. Or at least inside the walls of mission control.

She sighed at the thought.

“What?” Joan asked, startling her. Apparently her sigh had been louder than she had intended.

“Nothing just…there’s a NASA booth at the Tech Expo…” She tapped the logo and pulled up the list of attendees from NASA and the tech they had brought. “…and they’ve brought a VR Space Walk experience…” She gasped. “Oh no way…” She read the description with bated breath:

Ever wondered what it’s like to walk in space? Our partners at Oculus have helped us create the ultimate training and education experience: a virtual space walk on the ISS. Finally, anyone can go to space.

“Was it little Zoey’s dream to be an astronaut?”

Zoey jumped as she realized Joan was reading the tablet over her shoulder. Her boss smirked at her but Zoey felt no judgment in it.

“Um..uh…yeah!" She fiddled with the protective case on her tablet. "Doesn’t every kid dream of being an astronaut?”

Joan scoffed. “Not the ones afraid of heights…” She walked away. “Still, guess I should have anticipated that from you.”

“What do you mean?”

“You always struck me as the space-nerd, Neil deGrasse Tyson-fangirl type.”

Zoey shut down her tablet and moved to the edge of the bed.

“What was your dream?” She asked, unwilling to confirm Joan’s analysis. StarTalk was pure science gold and she was ready to fight anyone who said otherwise.

Joan blinked at her, seeming momentarily confused.

“Uhh…to run my own company.” She replied, gesturing at herself. “Obviously…”

Zoey laughed. “Yeah…but even when you were like…5?”

“I had myself figured out very early on.” Joan insisted, pulling off her jacket. “Although…before I really knew what a CEO was, I supposed I was dead-set on being a witch…”

“Big fan of Hermione Granger?” Zoey guessed, internally squirming in anticipation of determining Joan’s house. Her money was on Slytherin.

“This was before Harry Potter, Zoey.” Joan pointed out. A sad smile played across her lips. “Wayyyy before…think the Salem kind of witch. Cauldron, black cat, pointy hat, the whole cliche.” She caught Zoey’s eye briefly but immediately looked away. “Old-fashioned…before your time I suppose.”

Zoey deflated slightly. Recently, she was having a hard time remembering just how much older than her Joan was. Now that it was easier to talk to the woman (and they had more to talk about) Zoey had stopped doing the mental math and started to treat Joan increasingly like a peer instead of a superior. And because of her nerdy interior, Zoey had forgotten that there was a good decade and a half between their consumption of pop culture. The things of Zoey’s childhood were things an adolescent Joan had been too old for.

Joan was moving around, stripping off her pantsuit and rummaging around in her bag. Zoey tore her eyes away from the exposed skin and regarded her boss’ face in the reflection of their TV.

Her expression had deflated again, back to that strange hollow look that she’d had after both of their encounters with Claudia.

Claudia…

Claudia’s talk had been everything Zoey could have hoped for and then some. She’d wanted to hang around after to attempt to talk to the woman again (and maybe even get her signature) but another panel had been set to start on technology for sustainable solutions and Joan had assured her that Claudia would find them again.

“She always does…”

But even after an afternoon of panels and a delicious catered lunch and dinner in the banquet hall, Zoey hadn’t caught sight of the tech guru. She’d been disappointed but Joan hadn’t seemed to care. After Claudia’s talk that same hollow expression had been on Joan’s face until Zoey started talking about data encryption over lunch.

Zoey peered at her boss’ reflection. She was determined to figure out just what about Claudia was making Joan act so…off. There was something there, that much was obvious. But Joan had yet to Sing about it or even mention it in conversation, which didn't give Zoey many clues to work off of. So she was simply waiting for the right time to flat out ask. And now they were finally alone…

“Are you okay?” She began.

Joan turned to face her, a flicker of fear crossing her face. “What? Yeah of course!” She gave Zoey a smile that the programmer didn’t buy for a second. “Just great!”

Zoey was about to protest and dig deeper when she noticed that Joan was now dressed in an actual dress.

It was a simple black dress, the kind Zoey might’ve worn to a funeral. Except for the part that pushed Joan’s cleavage up to an almost p*rnographic level.

Zoey swallowed hard, nearly coughing on her saliva. “Are…are you going back out?” Had Joan changed her mind since last night and now wanted to go looking for men? A small part of Zoey was disappointed.

The woman shook her head as she put in earrings. “It’s karaoke night…” Joan informed her. “Didn’t you see in the app?”

“What…?” Zoey had seen. She’d just assumed it was a joke. She pulled out her tablet again and furiously tapped until the schedule came up again. Yup there it was: Karaoke Night! - Join us in the lounge for co*cktails and all the hits on our machine!

Her stomach plummeted. Going to clubs since she'd gotten her powers was bad enough...she didn't want to think about how hard it was going to be to tell reality from her magic Song-sense when people were actually singing.

Joan caught her confusion and offered her a reassuring smile. “You don’t have to go…I usually just go for a few drinks and some laughs…” She pulled out yet another perfectly-creased blazer and pulled it over her dress, covering up the cleavage enough that Zoey stopped feeling hot under the collar. “Don’t worry, I don’t sing.” Joan promised.

Still tapping through the conference app to distract herself, Zoey answered without thinking. “Why not? You have a beautiful voice.”

It was only when Joan gave her a suspicious look that Zoey realized there was no way she could logically know that. Not without explaining her beyond-logical-explanation power.

“I…I mean I assume…assume you do…” Zoey stammered out, nearly losing her grip on her tablet. Joan continued to stare and Zoey withered under the look. “…based…based on…your…talking voice…” With just one look, Joan had reminded her of the power disparity between them…and the lingering nervousness that Zoey still carried in their every interaction.

How does she do that?

“Well,” Joan finally said after several seconds of mortifying silence. “I’ll make you a deal: I wont sing if you don’t.” She smirked and just like that, the nerves melted away again.

“Done.” Zoey agreed, knowing that Joan would undoubtedly and unknowingly break that deal soon enough. She stood. It might not be ideal, but karaoke might be a more informal space in which to continue to probe the Claudia issue. And who knows? Maybe Claudia would be there anyway?

“And Zoey…” Joan continued, turning to their mirror to fix her makeup. “Now would be a good time for those shoes…and whatever outfit you have that doesn’t make you look like a Catholic school girl at her first dance.”

Zoey blushed and rushed to her duffel for a change of clothes. But she caught sight of Joan’s teasing smirk as she tugged the expensive heels from her pile of clothes.

Her chest warmed. She supposed she could get used to this side of Joan.

Given time.

Chapter 6: Friday - Karaoke Night! Join us in the lounge for co*cktails and all the hits on our machine!

Chapter Text

While a day of mingling with other conference attendees and attending talks had somewhat dampened her nerves, Zoey still felt her stomach twisting as they stepped out of the elevator and made their way towards the lounge. She could already hear music and she wasn’t 100% sure if it was in her head.

They crossed into the lounge proper and Zoey’s heart sank at the number of attendees. Apparently, Karaoke Night was a big hit with the conference population. The room was spacious and looked like every cliche luxury lounge from every period movie ever made. Except for the karaoke machine. That was straight out of a cliche rom com. Zoey shuddered at the large projection screen and the actual microphone stands on the quasi-stage.

Someone was already up there, doing a horrid rendition of Anaconda. Zoey focused on the audience to make sure it wasn’t a Heart Song. But even then, with all the people shouting along and wildly dancing, it was hard to tell.

“Zoey…? Captain Clarke, this is Mission Control!”

“Huh?” Zoey turned, realizing that Jona had been speaking to her.

Joan laughed. “You were spacing out on me.” She chastised, shaking her head in mock disappointment. “Come on, it’ll be just like the Meet & Greet…only with alcohol!” She grabbed Zoey’s arm and pulled her towards the bar.

Zoey highly doubted that would make any of this easier. But Joan was clearly down for getting a little buzzed.

“No matter how many of these things I go to, I dont think I'm ever going to be comfortable…” Zoey admitted, double-stepping to get alongside Joan. “Everyone here is just so…” she struggled for the right adjective. “unknowable!”

Her boss scoffed. “Zoey, let me give you some invaluable advice for mingling with your fellow professional women…” She wrapped a friendly arm around Zoey’s shoulder as they sidled up to the bar, “grab the fruitiest drink you can stomach, act twice as drunk as you are, and dont be afraid to flex your inner gamer.” She winked. “Trust me, no one will dislike you for it.”

Zoey tried to smile back as Joan’s arm released her. The grip was reminiscent of that moment on the beach the day before and her body still wasn’t sure how to feel about the sensation of Joan’s toned arms and shapely chest against her smaller form. Especially with that cleavage hidden under the blazer. At least she’d kept from blushing this time…the extra clothing between them helped.

Joan ordered for them: two strawberry daiquiris that looked sweet enough to knock out a hummingbird.

Zoey sipped hers and barely tasted the alcohol.

I’ll need to be careful or I’ll get too drunk too fast…

“Joan!” Someone called from across the room.

Joan flinched as a woman broke from the crowd to approach them. “Speaking of no one disliking you…Hey!…” Joan paused for a moment, blinking hard as if trying desperately to remember something. “…Kallie!”

The woman, Kallie it seemed, didn’t look nearly as pleased to see Joan.

“Where the hell were you last night?” She demanded, crossing her arms. “The Ladies of Azeroth were incomplete for Nerd Knight!”

“Nerd Knight…?” Zoey muttered, turning to Joan for clarification.

“I uh…” Joan offered the woman an apologetic smile. “I was busy…” Her eyes shot to Zoey then darted away, almost guiltily.

Busy at dinner with me. Zoey realized. She turned back to Kallie, watching eagerly. What had Joan passed on to take her out to dinner?

“We got clobbered without you this year!” Kallie sighed in exasperation. “There were far too many questions in your areas of expertise.” The woman shook her head, curls bouncing. “How are they still making Star Wars films? None of us knew what species Anakin Skywalker’s Padawan was…we lost the double-bladed round!”

“Togruta…” Joan mumbled, more to herself than to Kallie it seemed.

Zoey stared, sipping her drink. Just when she thought Joan couldn’t surprise her any more with her nerd-knowledge she just had to go and reveal she knew the lore from the Clone Wars series of all things.

“I’m sorry I missed it.” Joan was saying, “I was showing my…associate, Zoey around, Zoey!”

Zoey nearly spat out her mouthful of daiquiri at the sudden conversation turn. She froze as Kallie’s gaze turned to her.

“This is Kallie Martin of Velaruz Inc., Cleveland.” Joan said by way of introduction. “She’s…uh…she’s…”

“I’m our annual trivia team lead.” Kallie jumped in, offering Zoey a hand to shake. “Joan’s our space sci-fi expert.” She glared at Joan but the fire seemed to have left her. “Just…let me know next time? The gang missed you.”

Joan nodded. “Absolutely…wont happen again.” She took a long sip of her drink. “And watch a dang Star Wars movie…”

Kallie laughed, shaking her head. “It’s been 47 years, Joan; I’m dying on this hill!” She nodded at Zoey and left them, melting back into the crowd.

Zoey turned her head on her shoulders until she was staring Joan down. Joan sighed and looked away, a faint blush rising to her cheeks.

“Why didn’t you tell me there was some kind of nerd trivia night?” Zoey demanded. She loved trivia. Her and Max had once come in third in a nerd trivia night at a bar. They'd only placed so low because neither of them had ever read Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

“I…” Joan cleared her throat, looking distinctly embarrassed. “I didn’t know if you would like it…and then we got to talking and it got late and I didn’t want to just abandon you…” Her hand drifted towards Zoey’s on the bar but rested a comfortable few inches away.

Zoey’s chest warmed at the gesture, her gratitude that Joan was suddenly so concerned about her comfort hitting her deeper than expected. Where had this Joan been 5 years ago? “We’ll save it for next time…” Zoey assured her.

Joan relaxed, smiling. “Yeah…next time.” She lifted her drink. “We didn’t do a proper toast last night: to your first AI-WITC!”

They clicked glasses and Zoey downed her entire drink. By the time she’d finished her third one, everything was hilarious.

“But Dr. Tyson chooses to educate the masses!” She insisted. Then she broke into a fit of giggles. “Tyson…like the boxer!”

Joan had since switched to Cherry Bourbon Sodas and her face was the same faint reddish color as her drink. “And the chicken!” She added, a foolish grin on her face. “And dont distract me! We were discussing your choices of podcasts!”

Zoey stuck out her tongue, giddy with the feeling of bantering so easily with the older woman. Almost as if they were sisters. Or really, really close friends.

Joan fished the cherry out of the bottom of her drink and neatly bit the fruit from the stem. Then to Zoey’s surprise, she popped the stem into her mouth. Three seconds later, a perfectly tied cherry stem popped out from between her boss’ lips.

Zoey’s jaw dropped. “No waaaayyyy!” She took the stem, her fingers brushing the lips and marveled at the centered tie. “Joan Bennett can do that? That is legit party girl!”

“Uh…I uh…” Joan fumbled with her empty glass, suddenly not smiling anymore. “I could show how you sometime…”

Her hand tilted towards Zoey’s again, almost unconsciously. But before Zoey could say anything, a loud song began playing from the karaoke stage, completely capturing Zoey’s attention:

Just a small-town girl

livin’ in a lonely world!

She took the midnight train

goin’ anywhere!

“Zoey!” The shout broke her concentration on the song (Song?) and she turned back to Joan.

“Huh?”

“You okay?” The woman asked, nearly shouting over the loud music.

“Oh…Yeah! Yeah, I’m good…” Zoey relaxed. If Joan were shouting, that meant the music probably wasn’t in her head.

Joan leaned forward, her cherry-stained lips very close to Zoey’s nose. “You were doing that thing again.” She informed her.

“What thing?”

“That blank stare thing that you do…”

Zoey tensed back up. “uhh…what? I…I dont…dont stare…I…I was just…” She turned back to the stage, where the performer was in the middle of trying to start a call-and-response with the crowd.

It goes…!

Zoey fumbled for something to say. “I just…this is such a cliche karaoke song, right?” She buried her face in her drink.

But something near the stage had caught Joan’s attention as well and a wide grin was slowly spreading over her face. “We should sing!” She declared.

Zoey almost choked on a strawberry. “…what?”

Joan turned to her, nodding. “A song! We should sing something!”

The bottom dropped out of Zoey’s stomach at the thought of singing in front of all these people. “But…! Why?”

Joan grabbed her drink from her hand and set it down. “You said I had a beautiful voice!” She pouted. “It’s not fair that you know what my voice sounds like and I’ve never heard you sing!” She shucked off her blazer and adjusted her bust.

“I uh…” Zoey didn’t know how to respond to that. And the pout was pulling at her unexpectedly hard. Or maybe it was the reappearance of the cleavage.

“Come on, Zoey!” Joan urged, practically pleading, “You’re only young once and I haven’t been this drunk in years!”

Who was she to deny her that?

Zoey nodded. “O…okay…”

The next thing she knew, Joan was whisking her up towards the stage in a flurry of pushes, nudges, and pulls.

Zoey had hoped there would be a long, LONG waiting list but it seemed that Karaoke Night here went by a dibs system instead.

“I know the perfect song!” Joan insisted, already tapping away at the selection screen.

Zoey stared down at the pulsating, chattering crowd, feeling more uneasy than she had at the bar. “Joan…my music knowledge is really limited!” She warned.

The woman came back up to her, smiling the hardest Zoey had ever seen. “Come on, if you grew up in the early 2000s, you know this one!” She waved Zoey towards the mic stand. “You take Singer 1!”

To her horror, Zoey’s line of lyrics appeared first. And for once, she recognized the song, thanks to David and his obsession with musicals. Swallowing hard, she did her best to follow along.

I got chills they're multiplying
And I'm losing control
'Cause the power you're supplying
It's electrifying (it's electrifying)

Joan turned to her with a snap, snatching Zoey’s mic from the stand and startling her.

You better shape up

'cause I need a wo-man
And my heart is set on you (and my heart is set on you)

Joan moved closer, unabashedly singing to Zoey and dancing freely.

You better shape up
You better understand, to my heart it must be true
(Nothing left, nothing left for me to do)

Joan held the mic out between them, raising her eyebrows at Zoey. Zoey was pretty sure that sharing a mic would only make this harder. But people were watching and clapping along now and she couldn’t back out. She leaned in.

You're the one that I want (you are the one for) ooh, ooh, ooh, honey
The one that I need (you are the one for), ooh, ooh, ooh, honey
The one that I need (you are the one for), ooh, ooh, ooh, honey
The one I need, oh yes indeed

The duet continued, each stanza getting more and more wild and Joan even compelling Zoey to join her in some improvised dance moves. In spite of her nerves, Zoey found she was smiling and easily following along by the time they neared the end.

You're the one that I want (you are the one for) ooh, ooh, ooh, honey
The one that I need (you are the one for), ooh, ooh, ooh, honey
The one that I need (you are the one for), ooh, ooh, ooh, honey
The one I need, oh yes indeed

Oh yes indeed!

Their faced ended up very close together near the shared mic. Zoey was panting, both with nerves and exhilaration. Up close and in the bright lights, she could see every line and every bead of sweat on Joan’s face. Joan was positively glowing with happiness, her chest rising and falling rapidly with exhilaration. Zoey had never seen her like this before.

She was…stunning.

Joan lifted a finger and tapped Zoey’s nose. It was so unexpected and so fast that Zoey was left a little confused.

“You can too sing.” Joan informed her, still grinning like an idiot. “I messed up like all the wooorddsss….but you kept on goin’!”

“What are you talking about?” Zoey shouted, trying to guide Joan off the stage. “You were fantastic! Listen, they love you!”

The crowd was indeed cheering for them but whether because they were actually good or they were just really inebriated it was hard to say.

Joan stumbled down the last step, practically leaning on Zoey for support.

“…sorrry,” she mumbled. Her arm wrapped around Zoey, pulling her tight against her much like the dude-bro had the day before. But Zoey didn’t mind at all. She wrapped an arm around Joan’s waist as she swayed. “…got a bit carried away…” Joan said.

Her other hand was sliding down Zoey’s arm again, fingers tracing the lines on Zoey’s palm and feeling for the spaces between the coder’s fingers. Zoey found herself uncurling her hand, welcoming the warm touch as long fingers tangled with her own…

“Joan! Joan!!”

Joan released Zoey instantly, head shooting up at her name being called.

Heart thumping loudly, Zoey followed her gaze and immediately, her heart jumped up between her ears.

Claudia rushed up to them, looking for once not the picture of complete composure Zoey had seen her as. Her hair was coming askew from her elaborate bun and her pantsuit blazer was wrinkled. Her gaze darted around the rowdy crowd as she wove her way towards them. She seemed like she was avoiding something, or avoiding making a scene by her mere presence.

Joan’s face immediately sobered up upon seeing Claudia. Zoey was stunned.

Was she just pretending to be that drunk?

Claudia spared Zoey a brief nod of recognition as she grabbed Joan’s arm. “Thank goodness, do you have a second?”

Joan for once, seemed genuinely concerned about Claudia’s dramatics. “Claudia, what has gotten into you?”

The tech guru seized Joan’s arms, pulling her around in front of her so they were face to face. “Joan, I need a favor…the fate of the universe depends on it.”

Joan gave her a look. “Seriously, nerd?” She stayed within Claudia’s grip but Zoey figured it was more of a power play.

Claudia made a face. “Okay fine, more like the conference itself…” She released Joan and clasped her hands in front of her. “Please say yes?”

Joan sighed. “What is it?”

“Noor just cancelled: unexpected family emergency. I need…a keynote.”

Zoey’s mouth fell open. She turned to Joan but her boss seemed to have stopped processing entirely. Zoey was tempted to nudge her.

The room pulsated around the three women for several long seconds. Finally, Joan blinked hard. “Are you…?” Joan noticeably swallowed. “Are you asking me to fill in?”

Claudia beamed. “So is that a yes?” She began to tap her fingers together in anticipation.

Joan’s face was like stone.

“Come on…” Claudia begged. “Please?” She took a step back and held her hands over her head, approximating two enormous side buns. “Help me Obi-wan Joan-i…you’re my only hope!”

Zoey snigg*red at the Star Wars reference but neither woman seemed to hear her. It was then that Zoey realized the new song instrumental wasn’t coming from the karaoke machine.

Her eyes darted between the two women, wondering just who was going to Sing and what she was in store for.

After another long pause, Joan suddenly leapt into dance.

I’m so excited! That I just cant hide it!

I’m about to lose control and I think I like it!

It was as if the woman had achieved the perfect level of drunk quite suddenly. She leapt around, belting out the lyrics, tossing her hair around. Now that they weren’t in an elevator, Joan’s Heart Song took full advantage of the space to bust out elaborate moves.

Zoey watched, biting her lip. It was kind of…endearing, seeing Joan so expressive and enthusiastic. Zoey was enjoying the Song but something felt a little off.

About two seconds later, she realized a second, very different melody had joined Joan’s.

I need a drink, whiskey ain't my thing
But sh*t is all good

Zoey turned around and flinched backwards as Claudia walked past her like she was part of the wall. The world-famous programmer only had eyes for Joan. Her gaze was hollow and hungry, a far cry from the confident enthusiasm Zoey had thus far seen her with.

I can handle things like I wish that you would
You've been out of reach, could you explain?
I think that you should
What you been up to?
Who's been loving you good?

Zoey stared between the two, trying to simultaneously process Joan’s excitement as it continued and the conflicting…whatever was coming from Claudia,

I'm just on the floor, I'm like a model
Been looking through the texts and all the photos
But don't you worry, I can handle it
No, don't you worry, I can handle it

For just a second, Claudia’s Song seemed to stop time. Even Joan’s Song momentarily paused.

Then the tech guru burst into a tight, rhythmic dance; all hips and robotic arms.

If you let him…if you let him…if you let him touch ya touch ya touch ya touch ya touch ya?

The way I usta, usta, usta, usta, usta?

Did you take him to the pier in Santa Monica
Forget to bring a jacket, wrap up in him 'cause you wanted to?
I'm just curious, is it serious?
I'm just curious, is it serious?

Zoey backed up to watch both performances tangle with each other. She’d never had two Songs at once before…and the two were really not meshing well. Joan’s dance continued, not seeing Claudia following her around the room, gliding after her as if tugged by a magnet.

Zoey had to follow them around the edges of the crowd to keep them in sight. Claudia wasn’t Singing to her…she was Singing to Joan. Rather…desperately.

If you let him…if you let him…if you let him touch ya touch ya touch ya touch ya touch ya?

The way I usta, usta, usta, usta, usta?

Did you take him to the pier in Santa Monica
Forget to bring a jacket, wrap up in him 'cause you wanted to?
I'm just curious, is it serious?
I'm just curious, is it serious?

Claudia’s last lyric was more shouted than it was Sung. She was practically stroking Joan’s face by this point, even as Joan continued to Sing about how excited she was, utterly oblivious to Claudia’s yearnings.

And all at once, everything clicked for Zoey’s alcohol-addled brain.

“Oh…they were roommates…”

Now that it was laid bare like this for her, she felt like an idiot for not recognizing the signs sooner: Claudia’s borderline flirting, Joan’s odd reactions to it, Joan’s anger over the gift of pastries that morning, why Joan had never mentioned her famous former roommate…

The two Songs ended on the same beat and a heartbreaking image: Joan staring excitedly off into the distance as she perched on the bar, Claudia inches from touching her but unable to reach her from the ground.

Zoey’s heart stuttered. An emotion she couldn’t name grabbed hold of her from somewhere below her naval and clawed upward at a frightening rate. She shut her eyes, wondering if she was about to throw up.

“Zoey…Zoey!”

“Huhyeah, what what?” She jolted back to reality, still wrapping her mind around the fact that Claudia (the Claudia) apparently had a big, gay, apparently unrequited crush on Joan. And, according to the lyrics, that Joan had returned it. At least at one point.

The two women were in their same positions from before their Songs had started. Clearly, Zoey had just had another Zone Out and they’d both noticed. Zoey nearly passed out at the fact that Claudia was eying her carefully.

“You were spacing out again.” Joan informed her. “Focus.” The woman peered at her, concern crinkling her eyes. “Are you okay? You’ve seemed a little…out of it since we got here. Before we even started drinking.”

Zoey fumbled to get her tongue working as her brain was kicked into drunk overdrive. “I…I’m good…just…just…” She fumbled her mouth closed to stop herself from babbling away the new knowledge she was still processing.

Both women were looking at her strangely. With the memory of both of their Songs at the forefront of her mind (and all they implied), Zoey was having a hard time thinking of anything to say.

So she bailed. “I’m a little tired…I think I’m going to go back to the room.”

Before either of them could say anything, Zoey turned and darted for the elevator. As she mashed the button to take her to their floor, she caught sight of Claudia talking excitedly to Joan and Joan actually smiling as she responded. Only now, Zoey could make out the hints of longing in Claudia’s body language, the small touches that clearly indicated a desire for more.

The doors snapped shut and Zoey fell back against the wall.

“What. The f*ck?”

Chapter 7: Friday - After Hours

Chapter Text

As soon as she was back in the room, Zoey threw herself dramatically down on the bed. That respite only lasted about two seconds as her body was so abuzz with nervous energy and alcohol that she needed to hop back up and pace the room.

Joan…Joan and Claudia?

The knowledge that Claudia was into women wasn’t exactly a shock. Everyone knew that the tech guru had some unconventional ideas about sexuality and had apparently dabbled in her fair share of relationships with people of all kinds.

But Joan…

Zoey bit her lip. Even the suggestion that Joan was gay was throwing her for a huge loop. She’d never had any warning signs from her boss/friend, not even a vague hint that Zoey, inept as she was, would have missed.

Is she out? She has been married for a while, maybe she’s still closeted?

Her mind was racing. But only Claudia was Singing the song. So maybe Joan wasn’t…?

Zoey grabbed her phone and googled the few bits of lyrics she remembered from Claudia’s Song. There was more to it than Claudia crushing on Joan…there had to be…

The results pulled up the artist, someone named Hayley Kiyoko and the full lyrics to the song. Zoey scanned them but only came to the conclusion that her initial assessment had been correct. The song was, apparently, about a woman asking her female ex about her new relationship with a guy.

Zoey shook her head. She was going to need some help on this one. Or at least someone to talk to and properly freak out at about this. She was just about to hit Mo’s contact when the door lock buzzed.

Panicking on instinct, she tossed her phone away from her. A half second later, she inwardly chastised herself for it. Who else would it be?

Joan poked her head in, eyes settling immediately on Zoey. “Zoey?” She sounded a bit more tipsy than she had downstairs. Vaguely, Zoey wondered if Claudia had bought her a drink.

“Joan…what…what are you doing back here?”

“I wanted to check up on you.” Joan shut the door behind her and crossed to stand in front of Zoey. “You left so quickly - are you sure you’re okay?”

Zoey nodded; far too quickly and far too many times. “Really Joan, I’m fine. Just…” She decided a half truth was the only way out of this. “just needed to get out of there…it was feeling a little…overwhelming…”

Joan nodded. “Was it the singing?”

Zoey froze like a deer in headlights. “Hmmm…!?”

“Our duet…” Joan’s face dropped into an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry if that was too much! I just really wanted to have some fun!”

“Oh! Right…no that…that was fun!” Zoey insisted, finding she didn’t have to lie. Her heart was lifting, easing the anxiety of her discovery slightly as she recalled the feeling of singing onstage with Joan. “Really…I’m just…tired.”

But Joan still wasn’t buying it. “Are you uncomfortable around Claudia? I promise once you get to know her, she’s just a massive dork.” She snigg*red, now actually sounding very drunk. “Kind of like you actually…but with more Star Wars references.” She swaggered past Zoey and sat on her bed to take off her shoes.

A quip came to mind about how she was personally much more of a Trekkie than a Star Wars fan but Zoey swallowed it. “Yeah, I…I’m sure she is. She seems…seems great!”

Joan rolled her eyes. “Guess I should have assumed you’d be a Balusa Tech-head.”

Zoey couldn’t stop staring at Joan’s easy demeanor and relaxed posture. How was she so calm? So nonchalant? But as Joan shot Zoey a quick smile, Zoey came to a sinking realization. Joan had essentially just been outed to her through Claudia’s Song. And she had no idea that her secret had been exposed.

Zoey felt terrible. She sank onto her bed, fiddling with her fingers. Coming out was a special choice and her power had taken that away from Joan. She wished she could just ignore the knowledge and let them carry on as they had been. But now that she knew, she didn’t think she could act the same way around Joan as she had been all trip. The very fact that Joan might be a lesbian or a bisexual woman threw Zoey right back into being in awe of her boss.

It wasn’t enough that she’s successful and super nerdy and really beautiful but now she’s gay too?

Zoey didn’t know how many more awesome boxes Joan could tick in her mind. She wanted to know more: how many women had Joan dated? When had she discovered that about herself? Was Claudia her first? Her last?

Zoey was burning to know.

So far, this trip was exposing so many new and fascinating sides to Joan that she had never expected. Zoey didn’t want to give up the friendship they’d built. But her knowing this secret would inevitably lead to forced joviality on her part, which never ended well.

The Songs came to mind again and she decided now was as good a time as any to probe. Maybe it was nothing and she’d been mentally panicking over Joan’s experimental college phase. “Hey Joan?” Joan hummed to acknowledge her. “How is it for you, seeing Claudia again after all these years?”

Joan laughed, utterly unconcerned with the question. “We see each other every other year or so at these things…but it’s always a throwback to college for sure…and reminds me how much she annoyed me.” She gestured with her removed shoe. “We used to spend entire nights staying up late, pouring over new ideas…” Her eyes glazed over fondly. “This one time, we stayed up until 4am plotting out what eventually became the Watson IBM computer…a few years early of course and we never worked on that project while we were there but still…” She paused, her smile slipping slightly. “It was the best night of my life…”

This was it. This was all the confirmation Zoey needed. But her mouth still formed the question. “Were you two ever together?”

Joan’s eyes widened, the look she gave Zoey was one of pure fear and betrayal. Immediately, Zoey knew she’d gone too far.

She waved her hands. “I…I mean…I mean…!” What did she mean? Great, now she’d really just stepped right into it. Why had she said that?

Joan rose and took a step away from Zoey. “Did Claudia…?” She looked ready to bolt and Zoey couldn’t fathom why.

Unless…

“She didn’t tell me anything!” Zoey insisted. “Why would she? She doesn’t know me.” To her relief, Joan relaxed slightly, no longer looking poised to run. Zoey was tempted to touch her on the shoulder but resisted, feeling like Joan needed the space right now. “No…I just…I just got this…feeling from you two…”

Joan frowned. “Really? Oddly intuitive…feeling of yours.” She sighed, twisting her hands. Her face was reminiscent of just before she’d told Zoey about why Charlie had come back: a mixture of desperation, hope, and shame. “…Yes. As a matter of fact, we did…do the dating thing for about a year or so.” The admission seemed to loosen something within her. She sighed. “We were both just so lonely in college…so co-dependent on each other really. That it just kind of…happened.”

Despite the fact that she already knew, the information still hit Zoey right in the stomach. “So you…you’re…?” Her voice failed her as the clawing feeling from before reasserted itself along her spine.

Joan nodded, lips pursed. “I…until recently I considered myself entirely straight…with gay tendencies. But nowadays I guess I would refer to myself as bisexual, yes.” She gave that a moment to sink in, eying Zoey like she expected to be laughed at. When Zoey only watched her, Joan gave a short bark of laughter. “Although besides her and Charlie, my resume’s a little sparse so...maybe that’s a leap…”

Zoey absorbed that, finding it did little to satiate her curiosity. But something a little ways back had caught her attention. “What happened recently to change that?” She tried, keeping her voice soft.

Joan waved a hand. “Not important. I just decided I wanted to try…try women again…”

“Women like Claudia?”

Joan grimaced. “Maybe. Probably not.”

Zoey considered Joan’s excitement about the conference in general and her rejection of the beach bro’s advances. “But someone here?” She offered.

“Seemed like a good place to start.” Joan sighed, straightening out her back. “The only place besides here where you’re going to find more gay women is an LL Bean store.” She smirked. “And these women tend to be a little more tech savvy. It’s a veritable gold mine for lesbian dating.”

Zoey wondered why Joan had been spending so much time with her in that case. “So we have to find you a lady!” She declared. If Joan needed a wing woman, she’d get one!

But Joan balked at her enthusiasm. “Zoey…” She rubbed her temple, as if a sudden headache had bested her. “Just because I’m…I’m coming out after my divorce doesn’t mean I want to go hook up with random strangers…”

Zoey nodded, remembering Joan’s words at dinner the previous night. “Okay…weelllll…” She raised an eyebrow at Joan.

"Oh no, no no.” Joan shook her head. She pointed at Zoey’s face. “Put that thing down…Claudia’s not an option for me.”

“I mean…you’re not married anymore…” Zoey pointed out. “there’s nothing stopping you and her from...”

Joan crossed the space between them and placed her hands on Zoey’s shoulders again. “Zoey please…” she begged, “there’s so much baggage there that going back isn’t a good idea.” She gave Zoey a squeeze and turned away. “Besides, I guarantee you she’s not into me anymore…not after I’ve been married to Charlie for 20 years.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t know about that…” Zoey muttered. Hayley Kiyoko might have a few words to say on that.

But apparently she hadn’t been quiet enough because Joan was shaking her head. “Zoey…you are incredibly wise in some ways…and so depressingly naïve in others…”

Zoey’s forehead wrinkled in confusion. What was that supposed to mean?

Joan’s face was hollow again and now Zoey knew it was because of the thoughts of her past with Claudia. But there had to be more to it than just an old fling. Why else would Joan look that way?

“Well…if you’re here to date some awesome gay tech women…” Zoey gestured. “I make a pretty decent wing woman. I set Max up with his previous girlfriend.”

Joan gave her one of her legendary side-eyes. “Didn’t they have a bad breakup after less than a month?”

“I only set them up…” Zoey insisted. “the breakup was on them.”

“Have you ever been a wing woman for a woman before?” Joan sounded skeptical.

“Hey!” Zoey protested. “I’ve read my handbook!” She straightened up, glad that the conversation had remained so light between them after Joan's bombshell. “I’m perfectly capable of talking anyone up to anyone!”

Joan stifled a laugh. “Guess you got your copy of the Wing woman to a Bisexual Handbook before I did…”

Zoey rolled her eyes. “It’s just called a Bisexual Handbook Joan…”

They both laughed at the deadpan and silence descended between them as Joan began to change. Zoey looked away, a curl of warmth in her chest and stood up to pull her sleeping clothes out. She felt better now that Joan had had a chance to tell her herself. But deep down, something still felt off; like a switch that wasn’t quite flipped on all the way.

“What about you?” Joan suddenly asked.

Zoey whirled around, eyes wide. “Me?!”

Joan wasn't facing her. She pulled her jacket off. “Yes, Zoey. You.” She clasped her hands and turned to face the coder. “Are you…? Do you…?” She suddenly seemed unable to articulate the question. For Zoey, so used to being on the receiving end of Joan’s razor-sharp wit, it was so uncharacteristic that she wondered if all the alcohol had suddenly hit her at once.

Her chest tightened. “Oh I…”

Zoey recalled a few girls sneaking in behind the hydrangeas in her parents’ backyard among the couple of boys. She’d never felt the need to label it so she wasn’t out per se, but she wasn’t super quiet about her preferences. She suspected her mom knew but just never said anything. She knew her dad knew. He was usually the one who had caught her with her partners behind the bushes and every time he’d only offered a supportive wink. Max was aware of her interests but aside from a few jokes, they never talked about it as Zoey hadn’t dated any girls in the time she’d known him.

Joan was watching her so carefully that Zoey felt a little unnerved. “I guess…yeah.” Zoey finally admitted. “If I had to pick a label…I’d probably…probably go with bisexual…bisexual too.”

Joan sat down hard on the opposite bed. “Really? You don’t…” She squirmed. “I mean not that you need to but…you’re not super…” She gestured but Zoey couldn’t pick up on her meaning.

“I haven’t really dated anyone recently.” Zoey admitted. “Too…too busy with…work…”

Joan nodded, fiddling with her hands. “Work…right…” She looked away from her.

“And…and my dad…” Zoey continued, not really sure why she was still talking at this point but unable to stop. “…not really a prime time to be dating anyone…let alone have a real girlfriend…”

“Of course not…”

“I mean…I’d love to have one! Some…sometime…when I...when I have the time...” Zoey finally remembered how to stop talking as Joan rose and turned to face her in one swift motion.

Zoey shivered. The look Joan was giving her could have burned a hole straight through the sun.

“…Joan?”

The woman stepped closer, eyes never leaving Zoey’s. Zoey almost stumbled back but found the bed up against her knees. By some miracle of balance, she managed to not pitch backward onto it.

Joan stopped right in front of her, terrifying Zoey with her proximity as she had so many times this trip. But there was something different about this time. Joan leaned in, her jasmine scented hair cascading around both of their faces. Joan’s chest was right at Zoey’s eye level, that sinful dress still pushing her breasts up higher than gravity ought to allow. Zoey swallowed hard, thinking about the toned stomach underneath that dress and how close her hand was to it.

Joan reached out a hand and brushed a strand of Zoey’s hair back from her face. Her gaze shifted, trailing down Zoey’s body in hungry appreciation.

“…J…Joan…?”

It took Zoey a full three seconds to realize that this wasn’t actually happening. And it was only because the melody from the shower the previous night was fading slowly back in.

“…wh…what?”

Joan trailed a finger down Zoey’s face; just close enough that Zoey could feel it but not quite touching her. Zoey shuddered, unable to move. Joan’s eyes raked down Zoey’s form, hungry in a way Zoey had never quite seen from the woman.

When she began to Sing, Zoey’s knees went weak.

Talk with your fingertips
Don't stop the car, let's drive
Suck on your amber lips
Just give me one bad night
Heart beat is razor thin
Hot heat, you make me high
Get underneath my skin
Just give me one bad night

Zoey sank onto her bed, staring in open-mouthed horror as her boss gyrated and ran her hands down her own body in a very, very suggestive manner. Joan smirked at Zoey; lip curled and eyelids heavy and Zoey feared she was going to pass out from embarrassment.

“uhhhh….” She wanted it to stop...this was too much all at once. But she’d never been able to successfully cut off a Song before. She had to hear it out.

Joan continued to Sing, eyes closed and body in motion.

Ohh, ahh
You make me feel like
I wanna be bad
I wanna be bad, bad
Ohh, ahh
Let's have a good time
And never look back
Let's never look…

The Song cut out so abruptly that Zoey almost choked. A violent shiver wracked her frame as all the heat in the room seemed to evaporate.

Joan was back on the opposite bed, still refusing to look at her. The hollowness was back, almost like Joan had willed herself not to feel anything all of the sudden.

But Zoey was feeling far too much. Her whole body was tingling and shivery and her heart was hammering so hard against her ribs that she feared Joan could hear it.

And she needed to get away from an apparently very horny Joan right now.

Joan stood and Zoey stifled a squeak.

Joan didn’t seem to notice. “Speaking of work…” she shuffled away from the beds and extracted her tablet from her things. “I should really get to work on this keynote…” She shook slightly, lips pressed tight together. “I’m really giving this keynote…!”

Zoey struggled to pull her mind out of Joan’s Song and back to the conversation. “So you said yes?!” Her voice was about two octaves to high. She really hoped Joan attributed it to excitement.

Joan nodded. “Yup…Joan Bennent…Keynote Speaker…” A nervous smile pulled at her lips as she booted up her tablet.

“Th..that…” Zoey had to swallow before she could continue. “That’s great!” How was Joan this composed given what she had just Sung?!

Joan gave her a smile that was far too fond after the lusty, seductive ones of her Song. Zoey’s knees went weak as her heart skipped.

“If you need to rest, I can work somewhere else.” Joan offered. Her eyes gleamed with a manic kind of happiness. “I just…I’m so excited I dont think I could sleep right now…!”

But sleep was the last thing on Zoey’s mind at the moment. Her whole body was on fire and she needed to be moving. Preferably away from Joan.

She sprang up. “Oh it’s fine! You just stay here. Okay, yeah…I was just thinking I’d head down to the pool.” But thoughts of swimsuits had her rapidly derailing that train of thought. “Nope not the pool…” She fumbled in her bag for anything and her hand landed on Claudia’s book. “…the bar!…maybe I’ll have another drink…see if Claudia’s drunk enough to forgo her autograph policy…”

Joan was looking at her strangely; like she couldn’t decide if she should ask if Zoey was okay or not.

“Give you…give you some space to…to work…deal with things…” She nearly clamped a hand over her mouth to stop herself from talking. “Bye.”

Halfway to the door, she realized her phone was still where she had thrown it and she had to turn back to retrieve it.

She managed to give a puzzled Joan a strangled smile before she slipped out the door.

She only made it two steps before everything hit her.

Okay…was not expecting any of that.

First the revelation about Joan’s sexuality and her college relationship with Claudia…then sharing her own sexuality out of solidarity…then finding out her boss was incredibly horny?

Zoey closed her eyes and took a deep, shuddering breath. She pulled up her favorite contacts and punched the icon.

This was getting out of hand. She needed help. Now.

Mo answered on the first ring.

“Hello Zoey.” There was a song playing in the background but it was far too mellow for Mo to be DJing. “Can I assume this is my weekly Heart Song call or were you just calling to say you’ve found a man in Daytona and need to cancel your lease?”

“It’s a Song…” Zoey confirmed.

Mo hummed. “The boss lady?”

Zoey made an affirmative noise, wondering how Mo had guessed. “She’s been Singing a lot, mainly about little things…but last night and just now…she starting Singing something about…’just give me one bad night?’”

Zoey could practically see Mo’s excitement through his voice. “Ohhhh damn. She’s pullin’ out the Lesbian Jesus.” He clicked his tongue once. “That girl’s hot for you.”

Zoey choked. “What?!” She squeaked. How in actual hell had Mo come up with that answer so quickly? She hadn’t even told him about the dancing!

"You mean I need to add another team to my Fantasy Zoey league?” Mo was saying. “Okay, I’ll consider Team Joan...after all, that woman is a prime BBILTF."

Still trying to wrap her head around the idea that Joan wanted to bang , let alone the bombshell that Joan apparently wanted to bang her, Zoey couldn’t place the acronym. “A…a what?”

“A boss bitch I’d like to...”

“Mo! Focus!” Zoey shouted, desperate to keep this conversation from derailing into talk of her nailing her boss. She raked nervous fingers through her hair. “How…how did you possibly come to that conclusion so quickly? Joan was married for 20 years! To a guy!”

Mo laughed. “Honey, just because someone’s been married doesn’t mean they’re settled. Has she flirted with or been with any other women?”

Claudia’s Song immediately came to mind alongside Joan's increasing number of compliments this trip. “Well…may…be?…and yes…?”

“Mmhmmm, that’s a yes, and a yes! And anyway, wasn’t she divorcing the Mister?”

“They settled it earlier this week.”

“Mmhmmm, someone’s on the rebound! And looking to shoot for the red-haired other team…”

“Stop it!” Zoey clutched her stomach to stop herself from pacing. “Mo, she’s not seriously into me…right? If anything, it’s gotta be her ex-girlfriend here…right?”

But even as she said it, Zoey had her doubts. She was suddenly rethinking everything that had happened this trip: every little accidental hand brush, the swimsuits, the compliments, the teasing…

Zoey sagged, breath escaping her in a rush. Had this been going on for awhile? Or was Joan crushing on her relatively new? She hadn’t Sang anything about…

Wait…

The scene from earlier that night came back to her. Their karaoke duet…Zoey slumped back against the wall as the realization hit her. It wasn’t just a karaoke duet…

Joan was Singing that…to me.

So maybe this wasn’t as sudden as Zoey had hoped. Still, at least the karaoke Song was proof that Joan didn’t just want to bang her…right?

Her head was spinning; far too inebriated and far too confused to make any sense of where anything was anymore. She slid to the ground.

Mo made a sympathetic sound, apparently already completely at ease with the knowledge that Joan was bisexual. “I think she is into you short stuff. So you better figure out where you stand real quick and how you’re going to deal with this.”

The strains of Joan’s Song started again from the other side of the door and abruptly cut out again.

Zoey groaned. “Ughhhh. We were having such a nice time…” Now she had to deal with this? "I’d only just gotten past my general awkwardness with Joan…now I need to act normal knowing that she…that she likes me?”

“Or you need to tell her you’re not interested.”

“I’m not going to do that Mo!” Zoey protested, “Joan’s only just starting to embrace her sexual identity, she doesn’t need an immediate rejection! Plus, how would I even tell her that I know? I can’t explain this gift to her!”

“Okay crazy-train, then you’re gonna have to act normal until she gives you a non-magical hint about her intentions.”

Zoey let out a bark of laughter. “I cant do that! Have you seen me try to be normal? I cant be normal!”

Mo hummed in agreement. “Don’t I know it… well, good luck Zoey.” Mo assured her, sounding sympathetic. “And remember, I thrive on gossip. Don’t you dare leave out any details. Love you, girl-magnet!”

Mo hung up, leaving Zoey staring at her phone screen in disbelief. Then, because there really was nothing else to do while this drunk and confused, she let her head fall back against the wall. “What…the…actual…f*ck.”

She stared at the door, imagining Joan’s desperate dancing on the other side of it. She shifted uncomfortably.

Where did she stand? And how was she going to deal with this?

Chapter 8: Saturday: Breakfast - There’s a big day ahead!

Chapter Text

She was back on the beach…the sand warm against her toes. Waves were crashing into the silence of the empty sands.

Zoey kicked at the foam, finding herself inexplicably wearing the shoes Joan had given her. Those beautiful, stupidly-expensive heels.

That was so nice of her…

Zoey heart twisted. Had she ever thanked her for them?

Feelings…

She turned, she needed to find Joan, she needed to thank her.

But…where was Joan?

Zoey ran down the shore, eyes scanning the empty beach. She was certain Joan couldn’t be far…why would she have come down to the beach alone?

For the longest time, it seemed she was all alone. But finally there…far across the sand…she saw Joan walking towards her.

Zoey’s heart quickened. Joan was back in her black dress, sans jacket. She turned and gave her that look once more; burning right through her. Zoey swallowed hard, waiting for Joan to burst into Song again.

But as she opened her mouth, she realized that this time, it seemed she would be the one Singing.

I walk through this world, just tryna be nice
They say I'll get hurt, if I'm not like ice
I know I've got friends, I still get so lonely
If I look in your eyes, I'll want you to hold me

No matter how fast she ran (in heels, who the hell wore heels on the beach?), Joan never moved any closer. All Zoey could do was keep running and belt out the Heart Song she'd never heard before.

I’m sorry that I care…care…

I’m sorry that I care…care…

It’s really not that fair…fair…

I can’t help but care…

Now Joan was in her swimsuit again, her abs glistening in the sunshine as she stood in the surf. Zoey’s body convulsed and she broke into slow, sensual dance.

I over-communicate and feel too much
I just complicate it when I say too much
I laugh about it, dream about that casual touch
Sex is fire, sick and tired of acting all tough

She finally reached Joan, just as the woman tossed her hair in a gorgeous brunette wave. Zoey stretched out a hand, fingertips inches from one of Joan’s glistening stomach muscles.

I’m hooked on all these feelings…

I know exactly what I’m…

“Zoey…Zoey!”

The Song cut out abruptly and she fell straight through the sand.

What?

Zoey’s eyes snapped open and found concerned blues inches from her own. Long dark hair tumbled around a pretty face.

“Wh…Joan?” Zoey started up so suddenly she almost whacked Joan in the nose. Her heart was racing, partially from being jolted so violently from her dream and partially from realizing she’d just thought of Joan’s face as ‘pretty’. “Wh…what? Why are you…?”

Joan was still far too close, practically sitting on Zoey’s bed and peering into her face. “You were…humming in your sleep.” Joan told her, eyeing her strangely. “It was weird.”

Zoey gathered the sheets to herself, feeling oddly exposed under Joan’s careful look. Glancing down, she saw Joan’s hands on either side of her legs. “Oh uhh…must have…must have been karaoke…last night?”

Joan hummed, unconvinced and finally sat back. Zoey breathed a silent sigh of relief as Joan’s hands moved away from her.

“Well, if you want time for a shower and breakfast, you’d better get moving.” Joan told her as she stood. “Tech Expo set up is in an hour.”

Zoey nodded, her heart slowly returning to normal speed. “Did…did my…humming wake you?” She’d never hummed in her sleep before…well, not that she’d know. There was no one around to tell her if she did. Usually.

Her boss laughed, gesturing at her open tablet. “Oh no, I’ve been up for hours. Working on this talk…” She plucked her glasses from the desk and sat down in the chair. Zoey looked up, drawn to the sight of Joan in her natural habitat: her work pose.

Only this one seemed more intense than usual. Joan’s shoulders were hunched and she peered even through her large glasses. There was a small gathering of wrinkles in the space between Joan’s eyes. “How…how long have you been up?” Zoey tried.

“Since 5.” Joan replied. “I wanted to get a solid start before the Expo.”

Seeing the amount of tension in Joan’s shoulders was making Zoey feel tight. She glanced at the clock: 7:30. “You…you want to take a break?” She offered. “Grab some breakfast?”

Joan waved a hand without looking. “You go, I need to work.” It was a ‘boss-voice’ and it hit Zoey harder than expected. Was that really the only way Joan used to talk to her?

“Joan…” Zoey got out of bed and approached her boss slowly. She stretched out a hand but her fingers hesitated to actually touch as memories of the Song returned. “You …can take a break.”

Spinning around abruptly, Joan gave her an odd look that sent a white-hot lance of panic through Zoey’s chest. It threw her right back to the previous night: Joan's erotic dancing and her desperate Song. She tensed, ready for Joan to start Singing. To dance erotically for her and dump her innermost feelings and secrets right into Zoey’s hands.

Zoey shuddered. She was not awake enough for this…

Be normal...be normal...be normal...

“Fine.” Joan finally said, turning back to her screen without so much as a hum. “Shower and get dressed. I’ll reach a stopping point and come with you.” It was brisk and formal. But that suited Zoey just fine.

With a nod, she scampered for the privacy of the bathroom. She managed to get herself into the shower before properly freaking out.

She grabbed the sides of her head. What the heck?

How was Joan acting so calm, so normal? Too normal…too work-focused. Was she really so stressed out about this talk that her horniness had just dried up?

Zoey shuddered again, deeper this time. Right…that…

The great thing about sleep is that you dont have to think about tough things. At least, not consciously. Zoey had decided that the issue of Joan wanting to sleep with her could wait until she was a little more sober and so she had darted into bed with a muffled good-night and tossed and turned until sleep finally took her.

And then my dreams made me think about it…

She tried to remember the song she’d been Singing but the lyrics were slipping from her mind. And Joan’s recent look was dominating her focus at the moment…

Shaking her head, Zoey scrubbed as fast as she could and turned the shower off.

I just need to…be normal…around her…

She almost started laughing at the thought. Mo was right, she couldn’t do normal. But she had to think of something. She could hardly call Joan out on this like she had with the whole sexuality thing. While she’d been lucky to pass that off as a very intuitive gaydar, Joan had yet to give her any solid, non-Sung evidence of her attraction to Zoey.

Zoey wrapped herself in towels, squirming at the soft fabric on her skin.

Well…the least I can do is not lead her on…

Maybe Joan would be less inclined to Sing her horniness at Zoey if Zoey didn’t give her an opportunity to.

Zoey scoffed. Right, and maybe Kirk and Spock wouldn’t argue about how to complete a mission…

I just need to tone down...whatever it is that she finds attractive...

But what that might be, she had no idea.

Zoey jerked the bathroom door open and promptly ran smack into Joan.

“What the…?”

It wasn’t even a passing shoulder check. It was a full-body, front-to-front crash. Joan even stumbled but managed to keep them both upright by wrapping an arm around Zoey’s shoulders. Zoey’s exposed, shower-moist shoulders. Joan’s stomach was pressed into Zoey’s chest…Joan’s cleavage inches from her face.

Heat crashed right through Zoey and pooled in her chest. “Uhhh…!” Her brain short-circuited. What was a normal reaction to this?! All she could think about was how grateful she was that Joan was wearing clothes. Not that it did much to mask the feeling.

Joan’s face tilted down, eyes wide and mouth askew at the sight of a post-shower Zoey. Zoey felt a stray droplet of water run down her neck towards her clavicle and noted with a spike of panic that Joan’s eyes followed it. Her heart skipped.

No…no…no…no!

Echoes of One Bad Night surrounded them and the look in Joan’s eyes deepened. Her eyes shot back to Zoey’s face and Zoey trembled at the depth of emotion and passion the older woman was aiming right at her. If she hadn’t already been mostly being supported by Joan, her legs might’ve given out right then.

But just as Joan opened her lips to presumably begin Singing again, she snapped them right shut once more. The music cut out, leaving Zoey blinking in confusion.

…what?

Joan’s grip on her shoulders vanished. She abruptly set Zoey back on her own feet and took a step back, putting a good two feet of space between them.

“Uhhhmmm.” Joan pursed her lips, eyes skittering over Zoey to land somewhere over her left shoulder. She straightened up, shoulders back and chin raised, as if this were any other day at the office. Zoey could only stare, heart still stuttering. “…sorry.” Joan stepped around her and closed the bathroom door with a snap.

But Zoey still needed to take two long, deep breaths before she could move. Face burning, she darted back to her duffle to dress as quickly as she could.

Tears pricked at the corner of her eyes. Why? Why had she forgotten her clothes?

Nice going, slick… Apparently a day and a half of changing around Joan had erased years of locker-room modesty.

She put her shirt on inside-out in her fervor and had to wriggle it around to straighten it out. In her head, she could hear Joan pointing out the mistake and smirking at her for it. The look on Joan’s face and her boss’ abrupt departure from their collision were quick to follow the mental recollection.

How does she manage to be both terrifying and awkward at the same time?!

Zoey shook her head. Clearly, Joan was still lusting after her. The thought made all of Zoey’s hairs stand on end. But her Song…

Zoey bit her lip as she jammed her feet into her sneakers. She’d never had a Song…stop like that before…why would that be? Was Joan…stopping herself from feeling that way so abruptly that it messed with her powers?

Joan re-emerged quite suddenly, startling her so much that she lost her train of thought. Her boss was wearing another pantsuit instead of the sweats from their collision. Had she...just changed in the bathroom?

“Zoey?” Joan smiled at her, all traces of anything but friendly professionalism gone. “You ready?”

Stunned at the transformation, it took Zoey a half second to remember what Joan was talking about. And when she did, her heart sank.

I invited Joan to breakfast…

She was already doing terribly on her ‘don’t lead Joan on’ promise.

Being near Joan after learning the music running through her head was aggravating. No, not aggravating. Something more…dangerous.

Zoey’s whole body felt like a live wire, sparking whenever Joan tossed her hair or accidentally brushed her shoulder or even smiled at her. She tried her best to hide it but she was a naturally jumpy person. And being touched by someone she now knew had an intense attraction to her made her even more tightly strung. Especially after their collision. The warmth in Zoey’s chest hadn’t quite gone away. It lingered like a tattoo; warm and raw and making Zoey question her judgment.

“Zoey!” Joan, waved her hand in front of Zoey’s face. “You…okay?”

Zoey shrank back. Of course, Joan still had no idea that Zoey now knew her innermost secret. And unlike Max, Joan was a lot more perceptive towards Zoey’s awkward overcompensation.

She gave her boss a smile that felt like it was stretching her teeth. “I’m fine, Joan…why do you ask?”

Joan pointed, raising an eyebrow. “Because you’re putting peanut butter in your yogurt…”

Zoey looked down and found that she had indeed just committed this culinary atrocity.

“I was…curious?” She tried, “but I guess I only ruined both of them…” She put the bowl aside. The breakfast hall of the hotel was modesty crowded but well-stocked and the chatter around them provided just enough background noise that Zoey could anxiously tap her foot under the table and not be noticed.

Joan nodded, grimacing at the ruined breakfast. “Need more coffee?” She asked, sounding sympathetic.

“uhhh yeah…sure.”

Joan took her cup, tapping Zoey on the shoulder as she stood.

It was an innocent gesture. But Zoey still flinched.

Joan’s eyes snapped to her and Zoey involuntarily flinched again.

“Zoey…” Joan sighed. She sat back down. “I…I think we need to talk…”

“HUmmm?!” Her tapping increased. “About what?” Was this it? Was this the moment Joan told her?

Joan gave her a boss-look. “You’ve been…acting weird this morning.”

“I…I have?” Zoey swallowed a comment about how Joan had all but undressed her with her eyes during their run-in. Don’t lead her on…don’t lead her on…be supportive…but not available… “Sorry if it…if I worried you.”

Joan shook her head. “Is…is this about last night? My…” she shifted, fiddling with her coffee mug. “…my…coming out?”

Zoey’s foot stopped tapping. “What? No, of course not!” For the first time that morning, she found her voice didn’t shake. “Joan…please. I would never, never be not okay with you coming out.” She paused, mentally checking her double-negative. “Yeah.” She smiled, completely sincere. “It’s awesome to know another bisexual woman!”

Joan ducked her head, looking up at Zoey for once. “Then what did I do?” She all but whispered.

“It wasn’t you!” Zoey insisted, surprised at the woman's fear. “It was nothing you did.” Well, nothing she’d been aware of doing…Zoey wasn’t sure where the whole ‘I can read your mind through Songs and you kind of came on to me’ angle landed on the ethics scale. But she could hardly blame Joan for it.

“It’s just…” Zoey bit her lip, trying to phrase this in a way that wouldn’t reveal what she knew. “I’m still adjusting to it.”

Joan laughed, cupping her empty coffee cup. “Yeah…I guess it came as quite a shock.”

Zoey relaxed slightly, “yeah…I just…I never guessed that about you!”

Joan shrugged, sitting up again. “You can hide a lot when you dont have anyone to notice…”

Zoey’s eyes widened and immediately, she felt terrible. Her freak out about yet another person declaring to be secretly attracted to her had stopped her from recognizing the deeper truth behind the revelation. This was Joan. Her dominating, uber-professional, fast-talking, take-no-prisoners, vulnerable, sexually-repressed, recently-divorced boss. Joan wasn’t going to slam her up against a wall and tug her shirt from her pants. How ever much she apparently wanted to. She respected Zoey too much to do that. Their collision that morning had proved it.

“For what it’s worth…” Joan continued, breaking Zoey’s train of thought. “it’s nice having a friend who knows…” She shook her head. “Even though I still think it’s incredible how you intuitively knew that…”

Zoey relaxed her shoulders and stretched out a hand to gently touch Joan’s. The action earned her a soft smile from her boss that she returned easily. She’d seen herself this trip how Joan cared about her and wanted to know her as a person. They’d crossed into being actual friends, with shared interests and things they enjoyed doing together. It was unfair for Zoey to assume the worst of her simply because she had feelings and urges.

"Thank you, Zoey."

Joan’s finger stroked Zoey’s, almost unconsciously. Her face was blank again but this time, it seemed more a placid calm than forced numbness. There was a very faint, pinkish tinge to her cheeks.

Oh sh*t. Zoey realized, with a spike of fear. She fought to keep her hand in place. This may go further than just lust for her.

And she couldn’t figure out if that made this whole thing better or worse.

Blinking the look away, Joan stood. “I think I’m actually all set on coffee. We should get going so we can set up for the Expo.”

Mind racing, Zoey stood, nearly tripping over her chair. “Give me a second,” she replied, heading towards the buffet. “I need another cup if I’m going to make it.”

Joan rolled her eyes. “Which of us was up at 5am again…?”

Zoey smiled watching Joan walk away. She turned to the coffee machine and quickly fixed herself a fresh cup, the smile slowly fading as she thought.

Joan really, actually had a crush on her. Now that she knew, Zoey was amazed at how it had taken her this long to figure it out. All of Joan's awkward little mumblings finally made sense, all her side comments about not wanting to date anyone.

Because she wants to date me.

Zoey picked up her coffee, adding a little creamer to cool it down. At least she hadn't needed an explicit Song to learn this.

She stared across the room, where Joan was talking casually to someone while clearing off their table.

Joan wants to date me.

The idea was definitely less appalling than last night's revelations. Zoey had to admit that if Joan had been 15 years younger, she'd be scarily close to Zoey's type: confident, whip-smart, geeky, and brunette.

Zoey shook her head. But all the same, Joan was too old for her...right? And they were boss-subordinate so clearly Joan wasn't going to act on her feelings.

The thought left Zoey unexpectedly dejected. She deserves someone nice.

Maybe she couldn’t be the “bad night” Joan so desperately wanted. But the least she could do was get her friend someone to help her feel a little less lonely and a little less guilty about pining after her subordinate.

And she had the perfect candidate in mind.

Zoey gulped down her coffee as fast as she could and ran to catch up to Joan as they headed for the Expo.

But first, I need to be able to talk to her without dying…

Chapter 9: Saturday: Tech Expo - All the latest and greatest tech from all corners of the industry!

Chapter Text

It really shouldn’t have surprised Zoey by this point.

But it did.

“HOW IS THIS REAL?!”

The Tech Expo was something that 5-year old Zoey would have dreamed up as the perfect alternative to Disneyland. And 27-year old Zoey felt like a 5-year old to be witnessing it.

“Joan, are you seeing this?!”

The hotel conference hall had been reorganized and fitted with tables and stalls of all kinds. To their left, Wearable Sports Ltd. was giving away free smart socks that promised to monitor the wearer’s electrolyte levels. To their right, a gaming hub was offering a VR experience of the latest Red Dead Redemption game. Further down, Zoey could make out a Google booth with what looked like a self-driving car and a Yuneec booth showing off some kind of new drone software. The entire space was already humming with mechanical buzzes and whirrs as the exhibitionists powered up their stations and gear.

Zoey’s breath caught as she picked out the NASA booth at the very back of the hall, the logo practically floating above an elaborate gyro-sphere fitted with a spacesuit-themed VR headset and gloves. Her heart skipped in excitement.

“Joan! Look!” She turned back to point out the contraption but paused. “Joan…?”

Joan wasn’t paying attention, she was fiddling with the SPRQ Watch units she’d unpacked and glaring at them like they’d personally wronged her.

Zoey knew that look. It was Joan’s work-stress face and she saw it almost every day.

Zoey stepped closer so that her boss could see her. “Gettin’ ready for some banal chit-chat?” She tried, smiling.

“No, just resigning myself to two hours of sales pitches.” Joan stopped angrily adjusting their display and sat behind their table, folding her arms. “Not my favorite part of the conference…”

“Well, what is?”

Joan smirked. “The Tech Games of course…” Her smirk stretched to a wicked grin and her eyes laser-focused on Zoey. “After all, I love to win.”

Zoey blinked at the intensity of her look, even more surprised when a slight flush rose to her cheeks. She cleared her throat. “Well, that’s this afternoon right? So look at this morning like the prelude.”

Joan scoffed, the look vanishing. “No, it’s just a distraction. Plus, if I had to go up against Claudia, Daytona probably wouldn’t survive…” She ducked her head and fiddled with their display, adjusting the tablet set up with the information about their internships.

Zoey stole a subtle glance around the Expo floor but the eccentric tech guru was nowhere to be seen. This could be her chance. Joan hadn’t wanted to talk about it last night. But there was clearly something still unsaid there between her and her ex. Zoey just had to find a way to bring it up naturally in conversation.

Or get them in a room together and see what they both Sang.

After checking three more times (just to be sure) Zoey perched herself next to Joan and tried to project a casual vibe.

“So…” She started, feeling confident, “would you say that you and Claudia have…a bit of a rivalry?”

Joan rolled her eyes. “I’m sure she’d love to call it that…”

“So…what would you call it?”

“Being former roommates and exes who no longer have a steady connection.” Joan replied flatly.

“Maybe…that’s open to changes? All it takes is the right words!”

Raising an eyebrow, Joan leveled her glare at Zoey, making the coder wither slightly. “Can we stop speaking ‘Zoey’ and just speak normal?”

Zoey sighed. So much for subtle. “Fine: why are you so against dating Claudia?” She may already know the answer. But she was curious to see what Joan said.

Joan sighed heavily. “Claudia’s sensitive about dating bisexual women…she…” Joan looked away, “her first real heartbreak was from…a woman who dumped her to get back with her boyfriend.”

Zoey winced, her heart aching in bi-sympathy. Danielle Bea - the first girl she’d ever shyly kissed - had brushed her off for a guy later that same week.

Joan spoke again. “It’s just…” She sighed, turning to her. “…look Zoey, it’s not that I’m not open to the idea…I just…I dont want to…” She paused again, at a loss for words for once. Zoey watched her bite her lip, heart thudding loudly. “I don't just want to assume she’s available.” Joan finally said, sounding dissatisfied with the answer even as she gave it. “And that if she is, she’d be willing to risk dating me again.”

Zoey pondered that, knowing that if she said more now, it would only make her future job harder.

Joan gave Zoey a light shove off of their table. “Shouldn’t you be waiting in line for your NASA thing?” She flapped a hand at Zoey, grimacing fondly. “Go, get. I don't want to look at your scheming, prying face right now.”

Practically vibrating with excitement, Zoey could only duck her head and obey. She vanished into the crowd, winding her way towards the NASA booth. It was finally time to taste space flight! But while her heart was set on that VR experience, her head was still whirring with thoughts of Joan and Claudia.

Joan has no idea that Claudia still wants her…if I can just tip Claudia off, maybe she can do the rest!

She slid into the line, mind already forming the pathway. It was a simple 2-factor authentication: 1) inform Claudia that Joan was indeed available and very gay and 2) make Joan aware of the fact that Claudia was indeed ready and eager to get with her again.

Zoey smiled. Joan would be fully satisfied in no time. And that would mean no more awkward collisions like this morning! And no more sexy Heart Songs.

Simple.

Zoey checked her watch for the fourth time in as many minutes. Standing on her tiptoes, she peered forward to the head of the line, where a lucky Expo attendee was strapped into the VR experience and looked like she was having the time of her life.

Zoey tapped her foot and pursed her lips to stop an exasperated growl from escaping her. She hadn’t moved in almost ten minutes.

She glanced behind her, where she could barely make out Joan sitting alone at the SPRQ Point table, chatting with a curious visitor with a terse expression. As she watched, she saw Joan glance at the clock and cross her arms with a huff.

Zoey could tell that body language a mile off.

She’s worried about finishing the keynote…

She turned back to the line. The woman from before was exiting the gyro-sphere, eyes shining, and the next person was slowly climbing in. Zoey stole a last desperate look at her watch, like time had somehow inexplicably reversed, but no such luck. She counted the line and had the disappointing math figured out in two seconds. There was no way she was going to make it to the head of the line before the Expo floor closed at 11. She was just going to be wasting her time standing here. While Joan was fidgeting around their table, clearly wanting to get back to planning her talk.

With a sigh, Zoey stepped out of line. She bid one last look at the NASA booth before turning around and winding her way back to the SPRQ Point table.

Well, her NASA dreams had never been meant to come true anyway.

Joan brightened as Zoey approached and Zoey tried not to notice. “Done already?” Joan asked, standing to offer Zoey her seat. “Zoey? How was it?”

Zoey was too disappointed to explain. And she didn’t think she could handle sympathy from her boss right now. “Joan…I can manage here.” She told her, forcing a smile.

“What? But Zoey, did you…?”

Zoey interrupted her, surprising even herself with her forwardness. “You go disappear and work on your talk. Leave the sales pitches to me.”

Joan’s face lit up like Zoey had just bought her a spa day. “Thank you Zoey. Thank you!”

Snatching up her tablet, Joan darted towards the exit like the room was on fire. Zoey watched her go, a small part of her angry at herself. She was going to miss her chance at NASA. But the relief on Joan’s face made it all worth it. Zoey watched her scamper through the crowd and wondered when she’d gotten so soft for her boss.

She took Joan’s seat. Probably sometime between getting drunk with her at work and learning she’s just a massive gay dork. With a huge crush on me…

She put that particular reason as far out of her mind as she could.

As the Expo went on, Zoey contented herself with answering questions from the interested attendees and talking to a few prospective coders about internships and openings at the company. She was actually having a good time showing off the Watch and chatting with attendees - it just hurt that every so often she heard an exhilarated scream from the NASA booth.

She was finished up a display of the Watch’s sync function when she noticed Claudia out of the corner of her eye.

She was proud of herself for not immediately choking at the sight of the woman strolling like royalty among the tables in a a brilliant red dress. But all that pride went out the window as Claudia turned and smiled as she spotted her. Zoey felt like she’d just been caught in a tractor beam. Only Claudia was the one gravitating to her.

“And uh…uh…” She fumbled to finish her demonstration to the older woman in front of her. “If you just press that it does the thing…excuse me…” She left the demo watch in the woman’s hand and turned to face the incoming cause of all her anxiety.

Claudia smiled as she approached. “Hey, Zoey!”

Zoey’s legs shook. Claudia remembers my name!

“Hu….Hu…Hiiii.”

Good, that was at least a coherent word. Good start.

The tech goddess tucked her hands in her pockets (her dress had POCKETS?!) and smiled. “You drink coffee?”

A half hour later, after packing away their table, Zoey was having a hard time believing that she was literally walking along the coast sipping coffee and talking to Claudia Balusa. Actually talking, not swallowing her own tongue. Well, more like babbling. But it was a start.

“Yeah, my position as Manager of Engineering is still relatively new…” she told the woman as they strolled along the boardwalk, clutching coffee cups and fighting the wind. “but I really feel like I’m getting the hang of it now!”

Claudia nodded, her eyes fixated on Zoey. “That’s great!” She leaned in slightly closer. “Joan isn’t giving you too much of a hard time?”

Zoey laughed. “No, not at all.” She still wasn’t used to the other woman’s intense scrutiny and penchant for invading personal space. Still, it meant Claudia was actually listening and interested. For all the glamour, Claudia was actually pretty easy to talk to once she got past the name. “She…she’s actually been really supportive.”

“Yeah, she’s like that…” Claudia agreed, finally leaning back. “She’ll act all tough and unfeeling but underneath all that, she’s just a huge softie who wants to see you succeed.” She stopped and leaned against the railing, staring out over the ocean. “God, I miss that way she could turn an insult into a motivational speech!” Her eyes shone with such passion that Zoey marveled at how she had needed a Song to realize Claudia’s feelings.

Zoey hesitated, holding her cup to her lips but not actually drinking. This was her chance right? To…at least plant the idea? Joan may be hesitant about it for whatever reason but Claudia was clearly all for it, Joan’s warnings be damned.

Zoey cleared her throat. “So…you and Joan…” She fiddled with her cup. “You two uh…go way back huh?”

Nice…real subtle…

To her surprise, Claudia just laughed. “So she told you about us, huh?” She raised an eyebrow. “How much did she tell you?” There was an eagerness to her expression but a curious lack of fear.

Zoey considered just outright telling her. But part of her was afraid that the eccentric woman would run straight to Joan and sweep her off her feet. Then Joan would know Zoey had done something. “Just how much she loved living with you…planning tech world domination.”

Claudia laughed and Zoey felt like Wonder Woman had just given her a high-five. She glowed.

She leaned back, letting her head tilt upwards. “Those were the days…I’m surprised she mentioned it…she must be re-visiting old memories now that she’s divorced…” Claudia trailed off, clearly thinking about something. Zoey waited, still playing it safe.

Claudia’s eyes lit up. “Did she tell you about the time that Bill Gates was visiting our college?” She began to gesture animatedly, continuing their walk. “And the two of us were desperate to see him talk, despite the lecture being sold out…so I told Joan what we had to do was…”

Her voice faded along with the background of the waves as music overtook Zoey’s perception.

Oooh boy.

Claudia stopped walking, hand posed dramatically on the boardwalk balcony. She threw her head back, eyes squeezing shut, smile fading.

Party girls don't get hurt
Can't feel anything, when will I learn?
I push it down, push it down

“Wait…what?”

Claudia couldn’t hear her. She continued walking and Zoey followed her, intrigued at this intimate look at her idol’s inner demons. Claudia’s face looked drawn and tired, like she had been at sea for weeks and was desperate to see any kind of land.

I'm the one "for a good time call"
Phone's blowin' up, they're ringin' my doorbell
I feel the love, feel the love

One, two, three, one, two, three, drink
One, two, three, one, two, three, drink
One, two, three, one, two, three, drink

Throw em back, till I lose count

In one smooth motion, the tech guru leapt up on the railing, coffee spilling everywhere as she belted her Song out towards the ocean.

I'm gonna swing from the chandelier, from the chandelier
I'm gonna live like tomorrow doesn't exist
Like it doesn't exist
I'm gonna fly like a bird through the night, feel my tears as they dry
I'm gonna swing from the chandelier, from the chandelier

All at once, Zoey recognized what this was: a cry for help. A loneliness masked by a bubbly party-girl personality. She stared as Claudia swung herself down, hair a mess, dress torn and coffee-stained, sand caking her neck and hands.

And I'm holding on for dear life, won't look down won't open my eyes
Keep my glass full until morning light, 'cause I'm just holding on for tonight
Help me, I'm holding on for dear life, won't look down won't open my eyes
Keep my glass full until morning light, 'cause I'm just holding on for tonight
On for tonight…on for tonight…

The Song faded, bringing Zoey back to reality, where a still bubbly and immaculate Claudia was concluding her story.

“…and after the fire was extinguished, we somehow both ended up with internships at IBM!”

Zoey gave as genuine a laugh as she could, mind still turning over Claudia’s latest Song. "I'd expect nothing less from you two!"

The tech guru slowed, smile stretching wider. But now Zoey could see it for the mask it was. “You know Zoey…I sought you out because of her…”

Zoey's stomach clenched. “Joan?”

Claudia nodded. “Joan and I…we’ve kind of…lost touch over the years…to be honest, it’s as much my fault as it is hers.” She gave Zoey a co*cky tilt of her coffee cup that Zoey immediately saw through. “And I know we dont know each other but…I need someone who isn’t going to lie to me.”

Everything clicked for Zoey. She saw her in. “I’m…guessing Joan’s friendship really means a lot to you? And you’d like to reconnect? But you dont know if she wants that.”

Claudia’s eyes widened but more like she was impressed than surprised. “Has anyone ever told you that you’re very intuitive?”

“Increasingly…” Zoey muttered, more to herself. She was just amazed that she was having this much luck with her plan thus far. “Was Joan…” Throwing caution to the wind, she decided it was time for all or nothing. “…was Joan really special to you?”

“Yeah…” Claudia admitted, falling back into step with Zoey. “She still is. I was bullied a lot…as you probably know. Sometimes for being queer…mostly for being well…quirky…to put it mildly.” She shrugged, utterly unapologetic. “It didn't do any favors to my self-esteem. When I got into college, I decided it was a fluke. I was convinced I wasn’t ‘smart’. Only reason I didn’t go home right away was that I had nowhere else to go…” Her face lit up with a fond smile. “Joan was the first one who didn’t treat me like a freak. She encouraged me to step out of the comfort of online chat rooms and apply myself to the real world. After a few weeks of rooming with her, I was determined to graduate top of the class. And if anyone tried to bully me…I resolved to hack their computer.” Claudia chucked her coffee cup into a trash can. “And after two months of living with her…” She looked out over the sand, eyes glowing. “I fell in love with her." Zoey marveled at the ease with which Claudia admitted it.

"She made me feel…like not so much of a failure. She’s…she’s the only reason that I’m anything today.”

How could Zoey hope to not get them together with that? Now she just had to think of some way to remind Joan about this connection.

“Does she know all this?” Zoey asked.

Claudia laughed. “Well…she was there for it.” If she hadn’t just had that Heart Song from the woman, Zoey would have mistaken her tone for jovial.

“That’s not what I mean…” Zoey struggled to articulate herself. Why was it so much harder to talk to her all of the sudden? “I mean…does Joan know that she…saved you like that?”

Claudia tilted her head back, thinking. “…maybe. I never asked. She knows she changed me…after she…after everything.” Her eyes shot to Zoey. “What are you getting at, kid?" She smirked. "Wondering if you’ve got a chance with her?”

Zoey choked on her coffee. Next thing she knew, Claudia freakin Balusa was slapping her on the back. Now she was choking for two reasons. “WHaT? What? No! No, no…no.” Her face was burning from the coughing. She took a second to clear out her lungs before trying to explain. “Nothing like that…I…just…Joan’s my friend and I…I get this…feeling from her…” She all but choked again as Claudia leaned closer, raising an inquisitive eyebrow. Zoey really needed to get better at reasonable excuses for knowing the things her powers Sang at her… She resolved to start a list ASAP. “I know that she’s lonely now that she’s single and she’s rethinking some things about the past.” Zoey babbled out, doing her damnedest to not think about Joan dancing for her last night.

Claudia’s face tightened, suddenly looking defensive. “I hope you know what you’re implying kid…”

Zoey nodded frantically. “I do. I know. Joan told me.” That could be her first excuse on the list.

For the first time, Claudia’s expression matched the one she’d had during her Song. “She said…that…that she wants to date me again?”

“Not in so many words…” Zoey admitted. “…but I could tell…” She was deep in it now, may as well go all the way. “Joan wants some connection, with the general conference population…especially certain subgroups of it…”

Claudia’s face tightened. “Don’t do this kid…”

Zoey waved her hands. “I’m not saying you two need to date!” Just please bang to get her to stop fixating on me.

“Claudia…” Zoey sighed, hating herself for exposing such clearly painful feelings in the woman. “I know we don't know each other very well…but I really think that you and Joan reconnecting…even just as friends…would be good. For both of you!” Claudia still looked skeptical so Zoey decided one little white lie could only help her now. “She lights up when she talk about you…”

Claudia’s face broke into a delighted grin that she quickly tamped down to a guarded smile. “Does Joan always hire such precocious proteges?” She inquired, a spark of her upbeat self returning.

“I’m not just her colleague…I’m her friend too.” Zoey insisted. A good friend who is going to get her laid.

The tech guru, inclined her head in respect. “Well, if we're going to reconnect, she and I would need to spend more than three seconds together before we part ways again...”

Zoey had already considered that. “What about the Tech Games this afternoon?”

“I invited her last night to be on a team with me for the Games…but she said now that she’s doing the keynote she wont have time…” Claudia chuckled. “Kind of screwed myself there…”

An idea was taking shape in Zoey’s mind. Well, two ideas that should merge together quite well. “What if…she finished before the Games? Then she’d have no excuse…”

Claudia raised an eyebrow, picking up on Zoey’s meaning. “Would you…? Get her to finish early enough?” Zoey pretended to think about it, revealing slightly in her small modicum of power over her idol. “You’d be welcome to join our team of course!” Claudia insisted, the grin stretching across her face seeming completely genuine this time.

Zoey beamed. “Yes! Absolutely! I am on it!” Zoey saluted. “Joan will be at those Games if I have to drag her there myself!”

Claudia laughed and pulled Zoey into a side-hug that made her legs momentarily loose all feeling. “Thanks kid, I’d really…really owe you one.”

“M…my pleasure.” Zoey cleared her throat as they turned to head back. “Claudia, there’s just one more thing…”

“Hmmm?”

Zoey bit her lip as she tried to word her question. “Joan kind of…already thinks I’m meddling in her love life…so…”

“Ah…” Claudia tapped her nose. “so we’re Cyrano-ing this?”

The reference was lost on Zoey. “…What?”

“Never mind…” Claudia shook her head. “Got it kid…I’ll make it seem natural.”

They made their way back towards the hotel as they discussed the finer details.

“Oh, one last thing!” Claudia called as Zoey bid her farewell.

Half of Zoey hoped the woman was going to offer her some kind of VIP perk. “Yeah?”

“Go easy on the whole ‘playing me up’ thing.” Claudia grinned. “Joan can smell a sales pitch a mile off…”

Chapter 10: Saturday: Lunch Social - meet someone new and strike up a conversation!

Chapter Text

Zoey returned to their room feeling oddly nervous.

The Plan, as she’d decided to call it, was fully formed now: help Joan finish her talk, convince Joan to do the Tech Games with her on Claudia’s team, let Claudia effortlessly woo her boss as she chaperoned, get them to kiss, and then Joan would stop Singing about how horny she was…

Zoey scoffed at herself. Right…simple. There were about 2000 ways that plan could fall apart. And most of it relied on her being alone with her boss for a good chunk of the next two hours.

But we’ll be working…that’s normal for us at least!

She tapped her card and turned the handle.

Here we go…

“Hey Joan!” She called, voice falsely cheery as she made her entrance. “How’s it hanging?”

Joan’s head rotated towards her, one eyebrow raised. Her glasses were perched halfway down her face.

Zoey grimaced. “…sorry…old habits…” She clasped her hands behind her back. “The Expo’s over and we’re all packed away so I figured I’d check in on you, see how you were doing…”

“How I’m doing?” Zoey winced at the instant snippy come-back. It wasn’t going well. “I’m condensing about 10 years of work into roughly 45 minutes so…” Joan took a long swig of water. “It’s going about as well as it sounds.” She turned back to her screen, muttering something about deadlines getting shorter every year.

“Do you…you need any help?” Zoey tried.

To her immense surprise, Joan did not immediately bark at her as she might have at work. “Zoey…” Joan glanced at her, then turned back to her work. “that’s sweet of you to offer but why don’t you go back down? Wander around a bit, talk to some people or just enjoy the hotel? I’m going to hole up here and get this perfect.”

Apparently Joan was going to be harder to crack than she thought. “But what about the Games?” Zoey insisted. “I need a partner if I’m going to compete. And who better than the beach volleyball champ?”

Joan sighed. “Zoey, I cant think about that…I’m not going to get to compete this year.”

“Come on, the great Joan Bennett isn’t going to compete? You’re losing your touch!”

“I’m focusing on more important things right now, Zoey!” Joan snapped, rounding on her. “I’d appreciate it if you didn’t rub the fact that I’m going to miss out on that in my face!”

There was a moment of silence as they both stared at each other, each seeming startled by the outburst. After a long stretch of awkwardness, Joan finally turned back to her screen.

“Sorry…” She murmured, just loud enough for Zoey to hear.

Zoey examined the woman before her. Joan was hunched over, staring down at her screen in self-loathing. The knot of wrinkles was back between her eyes.
Zoey knew. She knew Joan was lashing out from stress and from her repressed crush. Part of Zoey - a small part she hated- wanted to leave her be, to let her stew alone in her feelings like she so clearly wanted to.

But feelings or not, Joan needed her here now to deal with this. She had said herself that she wouldn't have handled the divorce well without Zoey. She clearly needed help handling this too. And the least Zoey could do for her friend was soothe her pre-keynote anxieties. And convince her to attend the Games. All for the Plan, of course.

Zoey stepped forward, seeing Joan watch her out of the corner of her eye.
“Joan…look at me.” When she did, Zoey leaned down and gently plucked the glasses from her face.

Joan froze. “Zoey? Wh…?” A blush was rising to her cheeks that Zoey stoically ignored.

“Just relax.” She encouraged her. She placed her hands on her boss’ shoulders, pressing down slightly until she felt them loosen. “Breathe.” She demonstrated, offering Joan a smile.

Joan complied, her exhale rather shaky. She closed her eyes.

Zoey let her hands converge slowly at Joan’s neck, prodding gently to release the tension built up there. Her fingers traveled softly over Joan’s face, tracing paths from her chin to her temples.

The wrinkle disappeared as Zoey traced around Joan’s closed eyes.

It was something her mom used to do when she was too wound up to sleep. But as Zoey’s fingers ran down to the tip of Joan’s nose, the woman let out a enormous sigh like all the tension in her body had vanished.

Zoey snatched her hands back like she’d been burned. She’d never gotten that reaction before.

“Z…Zoey?” Joan’s eyes slowly fluttered open. It was then that Zoey realized her mistake. Their faces were only inches apart. But thinking only about how relaxing she’d found it as a child, Zoey had failed to recall how close they had to be during it.

Joan’s exhale warmed Zoey’s face and she leaned back slowly, blinking hard.

She seemed to be struggling for something to say. Or to Sing - because Zoey was hearing several different melodies but Joan didn’t start Singing along to any of them.

Did I break her?

Finally, Joan cleared her throat and mumbled out a shaky ‘thank you’. All the music cut out. Joan must have stopped feeling…whatever it was she was feeling. Zoey was just glad that One Bad Night hadn’t made a reappearance. But it wasn’t just that…

Zoey had only just realized how much of an emotional toll Joan must be under.

All day, Joan had been forcing herself not to feel horny around her. Or to feel anything around her, really. While Zoey appreciated and was somewhat awed by her boss’ amount of control over her libido, even the reminder was too much for her. She couldn’t deal with that right now. Not after their faces had been so close.

“Take a break, Joan…” Zoey began, taking a step back. “I’ll read what you have so far. You take a shower. Relax a bit. I’m going to order us some lunch from room service. We’ll brainstorm as we eat and edit the talk when we’re done. Then you can practice for me.”

Still looking shaken, Joan nodded mutely. She rose and wobbled past Zoey towards their bathroom.

Zoey sighed heavily as the door clicked shut.
Well that was…something.

She collapsed into Joan’s vacated chair, feeling like she’d absorbed all of Joan’s tension. It was only then that she realized she was still in possession of Joan’s glasses. She had reflexively retrieved them upon sitting down.

Setting them back down like they were a bomb, Zoey busied herself with placing their lunch order and calming her leaping heart.

When Joan emerged from the bathroom 15 minutes later, toweling her hair and dressed in her pajamas, Zoey had made it through the entire talk and their lunch had arrived.

“What did you order?” Joan asked, back to her business persona.

“Room service had salad bowls.” Zoey replied. “I asked for some chicken on yours.”

Joan opened her plate and nodded her approval. “Thanks.”

“You don’t have to keep thanking me.” Zoey pointed out, making one last minor edit to Joan’s talk so she could avoid looking at her boss for a moment longer. “I’m just doing what any friend-colleague would do!” The cheerfulness in her own voice reminded her painfully of Claudia’s last Song.

“Are you?” Zoey turned around at the question, eyes wide. Joan was staring her down, blue eyes piercing right through her. Zoey felt utterly naked under that look. “Sometimes I feel like you do way more than just the minimum for me Zoey.” Joan continued. “And I feel that I have to make sure you know how much it means to me.”

“Joan…” Zoey was taken-aback at her frankness. Given what she knew and the kind of person Joan was, she couldn’t imagine any friend not doing all that she had done for Joan. “Haven’t you had…other friends?”

“Not friends like you.” Joan declared. She balled up her towel and threw it towards the bathroom. “There’s something…different about you Zoey…you…care more.”

“I refuse to believe that you haven’t had friends who care about you!” Zoey insisted, already panicking at the turn the conversation had taken. “Or lovers! You were married to Charlie for a long time, certainly he must have…” She bit her traitorous tongue to stop the ramble.

Joan’s face had hardened at the mention of her ex. “Let’s not talk about the 20-year train wreck that was me and Charlie?”

Zoey nodded, inwardly hating herself for bringing him up. “Okay…but if you…”

“Yeah, yeah…if I ever want to, you’re here.” Joan shook her head. “God…why Zoey?”

“Wh…why? Why what?”

Joan rolled her eyes. “Why do you give so much of yourself like this? And expect nothing in return? What did I ever do to deserve a friend like you?”

Zoey was so stunned by the amount of bile in Joan’s comment that a suitable response alluded her. Joan had tensed up again, stabbing the chicken on her salad like she was trying to kill it. Zoey picked up her own salad bowl and ate to distract herself and busy her hands. She wanted to give the woman a hug but her brain knew that that was the wrong signal for dissuading Joan’s libido.

They ate in silence for a time, Zoey’s salad tasting too oily and her brain unhelpfully blank about how to best talk to her friend. This side of Joan was one she was far less familiar with. And she didn’t know why she was suddenly so upset about Zoey’s kindness towards her.

Well, she knew part of the reason. But she didn’t know how to ask her about it. Or what had triggered it.

As they finished, they shifted into work mode. It was familiar for them and therefore more comfortable than…whatever they had been in before. Zoey went over her edits and suggested possible transitions Joan could make from the shift from app development to wearable tech. To her surprise, Joan accepted all of her additions eagerly, barely putting up a fight.

Zoey watched Joan’s expression carefully as they worked: noting that the woman seemed more guarded, especially with her positive emotions as the talk came together. She tried her best not to touch Joan as they worked- which was rather hard to do with the two of them hunched over the small tablet screen. Their hands brushed more than once. And each time, Zoey tried to act casual about it.

“Are you sure you should be including the stuff about Danny Michael Davis?” She asked, pulling her hand back as their fingers brushed yet again over the screen. “That move into wearable tech in 2009 was mostly you…”

Joan nodded, wringing her hands. “It has to be perfect. Keep his name there.”

At this, Zoey couldn’t take it any longer. She had to know what was up with this. She gently tilted the tablet down. “Joan, I once watched you emasculate our entire floor over a simple rounding error before you’d had any coffee.” It had been in Zoey’s second week at SPRQ Point and it had ingrained a deep fear in her of ever disappointing her boss. “Why is this stressing you out so much?”

Joan winced. “It’s stupid…” She sighed. “And wayyy to complicated to get into…”

“Joan, I write code for a living…I live complicated.”

To Zoey’s delight, that actually got a laugh out of Joan.

“Come on,” Zoey goaded her, “What, do you get stage fright?”

“No.”

“Then what?”

Joan’s face hardened. “Zoey! I don’t want to talk about it!” She snapped.

The abrupt turn startled Zoey so much she swallowed her next comment. Which was probably for the best. She didn’t think Joan’s crush was the reason she was this stressed out about the keynote but it definitely wasn’t helping things.

Joan flipped the tablet back up and punched away at it, her face drawn tighter than the curtain on their window.

After a few heavy seconds, her boss shot her a side-ways glance that Zoey just couldn’t ignore.

“Sorry…” Joan muttered.

“Stop apologizing.” Zoey pushed herself back from the desk so she could turn to face Joan completely. “Please? You haven’t done anything wrong.”

Joan remained in her hunched position. “Can you just accept it and move on?”

At this, Zoey had to laugh. “Joan…I dont care how often you yell at me and how many times you say you dont deserve a friend like me. I can take it. And I’ll still be here. Because you deserve all the support and friendship and love you need to make your dreams come true.”

It was something she might have said to Mo or David and even to Max or Simon without thinking anything of it. But it was only when she finished talking that she realized how Joan was going to take that comment.

Dammit Zoey, I thought we were trying NOT to encourage her to like us?

But the line was so blurry. She wanted so desperately for Joan to know her own worth and just how much she admired and cared about the woman. But she didn’t want to give Joan unrealistic expectations about the nature of their relationship.

Stuck, Zoey could only wait and see how Joan reacted to her declaration of (friendly!) love.

Joan leaned back, not looking at Zoey. A soft smile overtook her face, tightening her eyes and making her look older. “A mom.” She said.

Zoey blinked. “What?”

“That was my dream…” Joan waved a hand but her pursed lips gave away her emotional state.“You asked last night…about my dreams…For as long as I can remember, I only wanted to be a mom.” She laughed. “I know, not very feminist of me. But it’s true. I had career inclinations and ambitions but I always wanted to be a working mom…”

Zoey waited, knowing by the look on Joan’s face that there was a turn coming. As the silence stretched, Joan’s hands slowly pulled away from the tablet.

“…I…I found out when I was eighteen…” Joan finally continued, eyes reddening. “…I…I cant have kids…” She gestured to her lower stomach. “Polycystic Ovary Syndrome…makes it extra difficult and extra dangerous for me to get pregnant….so ironic…” She coughed, “All I ever wanted was a kid…and it’s the one thing I cant have.”

Zoey squeezed her lips together, strangling her own cough. She got the sense that interrupting Joan now, even with a show of sympathy would only kill her courage.

“And Charlie…he never wanted to adopt.” Joan continued, her eyes darkening. “Said we wouldn’t have time unless I quit my job. But I didn’t want to stop working. And…some…some part of me was scared…what if I adopted a kid…and…and they didn’t like me?

“So I made SPRQ Point my baby. And I adopted my dogs to fill the void…but…” Joan brushed a hand against her stomach. “…it’s just not the same…” Her fingers tightened, digging into her skin. “So I always thought…if I couldn’t be a mom…I’d just be an amazing boss. But…” she sighed, voice shaking. “…it never feels like I’m quite good enough. I always feel like I have something to prove…”

Zoey covered Joan’s hand to make her stop. She sniffled to try to hold back tears.

“It’s never too late, Joan…” Her voice broke on the name.

Her tears seemed to startle the older woman. “Zoey…you don’t…”

“No, I mean it!” She squeezed Joan’s hand. “What’s to stop you now? Charlie’s gone, you are killing it at work…”

“I work all the time…” Joan protested weakly. “…I couldn’t do it all…not alone…especially not if they hated me…”

Zoey couldn’t stand to see this level of self-deprecation from her. “Joan…somewhere out there, there’s a kid who’s dying to meet you. And no matter what, they’re going to love you for choosing them. Even when they get angry or when you fight or when they rebel against you, that kid is going to love you to the ends of the earth and back. Because you gave them a home…and a family…”

Her hand stroked Joan’s, wishing she could convey her admiration and care for the woman through the touch. Joan’s face turned towards her, red eyes staring into Zoey’s. Zoey saw Joan’s expression soften as the woman saw her tears.

“You are amazing Joan…” Zoey told her. “And not…” Thoughts of the missed VR experience came to mind. “…not all dreams are meant to come true. But just because you haven’t accomplished everything you wanted to doesn’t detract from your previous accomplishments.” Their faces were still so close that Zoey could see the moisture gathering in Joan’s eyes. “Your work is enough. You are enough.” She gave the hand under hers a squeeze.

Joan’s hand was still over her middle. And Zoey was practically lacing her fingers through Joan’s. Beneath the fabric of Joan’s shirt, Zoey was almost certain she could feel the slight rise of an abdominal muscle. Joan gave a shaky exhale that Zoey felt all through her body.

sh*t.

Slowly, like she was trying not to startle an animal, Zoey withdrew her hand.

Bad idea…bad idea…don’t lead her on…

She had to remember the Plan: Talk, Games, Claudia, Kiss.

“Stop…” Joan said as Zoey pulled her hand away.

Zoey froze. “Huh?”

Her boss blinked, finally looking away. “Stop being so understanding…so perfect.” She squeezed Zoey’s hand. “How…how do you do this…?”

Zoey tensed up, ready for another Song and steeled herself to avoid any awkwardness.

She doesn’t know that I know. She doesn’t know that I know. Be normal!

But Joan didn’t Sing. She released Zoey’s hand and turned back to her screen to busy herself with inserting several new diagrams.

It took Zoey a moment to realize that she hadn’t answered. Her hand was tingling. “Oh you know…just…good at hearing signals…”

Joan scoffed at that but didn’t say anything else. Her posture was still hunched but her face was relaxed once more, the unshed tears slowly gathering.

Zoey almost slapped herself in the face.

You’re supposed to be gently selling Claudia, not making her cry!

She stood and stumbled away, feet taking her to the privacy of the bathroom. As the door clicked shut behind her, Zoey softly banged her head against it.

What the actual hell?

How was it that every conversation she had with the woman became some incredible and increasingly heartbreaking look into Joan’s past? With each one, she found that she was fighting a stronger and stronger desire to want to pull the woman into a comforting hug. Was this just the nature of what her power-influenced meddling brought out in Joan?

A sobering thought had her slumping against the door. Or had Joan simply never had anyone to…care about her like this?

God, no wonder she’s crushing on me…I’d be crushing hard on her if she were the only one in my life who cared about me.

Zoey turned on the tap and scrubbed at her burning eyes. When she looked up, her reflection was as determined as she felt.

But she has me now. Feelings or not, I’ll be that friend for her.

She walked back out, smiling at the sight of Joan muttering to herself as she poked at the screen.

Maybe she couldn’t fulfill all of Joan’s dreams.

But the least she could do was remind her just how incredible she was. And give her a break from the strain of planning the most important talk of her life. That was something friends did.

A half hour of work later (half of which was just Joan practicing various bits of her presentation at Zoey for clarity), they had finally put aside a completed keynote talk. Zoey had managed to convince a satisfied Joan that this meant a break was in order.

To her surprise, Joan had agreed.

“Hey,” Zoey began as Joan closed up her tablet. “since we’ve made so much progress, do you…wanna do the Tech Games?”

Joan pursed her lips. “Normally, I’d jump at the chance but…” She lifted the tablet as if to get back to work.

“No! No buts!” Zoey insisted, pushing the tablet back down. “The talk is great. Now let loose a bit; have some fun!”

Joan seemed to be considering it but Zoey could see she wasn’t entirely convinced yet. So Zoey played her final card. “Plus…I wouldn’t have anyone to team up with if you weren’t there…” She shot a sideways glance at Joan, an innocent smile at her lips.

Joan sighed, smiling fondly at Zoey. “Dammit…fine.” She stood, patting Zoey on the head. “If I knew you’d learn how to manipulate me so quickly and effectively, I’d have resisted the friendship a little harder.”

Emboldened that all the emotional turmoil of before seemed to be gone, Zoey winked, her heart fluttering. “Nah…I’m irresistible.”

She realized she’d gone too far when Joan blushed.

“Uhhh…” Joan pulled her hand away from Zoey’s hair. “Just uh…give me a moment to change…then we can head down for the kick-off.”

Zoey nodded, swallowing hard as Joan retreated to the bathroom. She made another mental note that Joan was once again changing in the bathroom.

Well…at least the Plan is…going to plan.

Zoey changed into her jeans and sneakers, thinking she would probably want them if any physical activity was to be had. She was learning so much more about Joan…more than she’d ever thought she would at the start of this trip.

She really is an incredible woman…I just wish she could see that.

Claudia crossed her mind, almost as an afterthought and Zoey chastised herself for ever losing focus.

Claudia was the perfect person to remind Joan of the kind of impact she had on people, even if she couldn’t see it. Compared to the tech guru, Zoey barely knew Joan. And Joan hadn’t shaped her life the way she had Claudia’s.

Zoey shoved her feet into her sneakers. As she stood, Joan reemerged wearing jeans and a sportswear black top. Zoey’s brain short-circuited. She had never anticipated that Joan of all people owned, let alone wore jeans.

Oh boy, Claudia’s going to love the way her butt looks in those…

Somehow, Zoey made no comment or unintentional noise at the clothing. But she did return her boss’ shy smile.

She may still be a bit uneasy about Joan’s secret feelings for her. But she couldn’t deny that seeing such a vulnerable side of the woman was…was…?

Zoey searched for the right word. Her query returned no perfect matches.

Chapter 11: Saturday: 4th Annual Tech Games! - Compete for Glory!

Chapter Text

As they descended in the elevator, Zoey realized she actually didn’t know the first thing about the Games or what to expect.

“What exactly are we walking into here?” She asked.“Eggs balanced on spoons and potato sack races or eSports?”

Joan grinned as the elevator slid open. “Hell, Zoey. We’re walking into hell.”

Zoey swallowed hard. That didn’t sound good.

They entered the lobby, the columns on the staircase now wrapped in neon lights. Some kind of chessboard had been laid out on the floor and a stage erected above it. Women were milling around the space, some wearing matching shirts, most wearing war paint.Soft chants were rising up around the room that Zoey couldn’t quite make out.

Zoey blinked. “Wow…is this a cult?”

Joan laughed. “Might as well be.” She took Zoey’s arm and pulled her into the fray.

While not as dense as the first day, the crowd was still sizable enough that Zoey once again found herself tucked right next to Joan with almost no personal space. She ignored how Joan’s hand hovered near her waist briefly before falling limp.

Abruptly, the lights went out and neon lights flashed through the hall.

“WARRIORS….” Zoey jumped at Claudia’s amplified voice. A spotlight blazed to life, illuminating the staircase and the tech goddess herself in an honest-to-god combat suit.

The crowd cheered.

Zoey turned to Joan but couldn’t see her face in the dark.

“THE TIME HAS COME…” Claudia continued. “YOU HAVE TRAINED FOR THIS MOMENT…GATHERED YOUR FORCES…PRAYED TO YOUR GODS…” She raised a hand to the sky. “NOW…LET THE BATTLE BEGIN. IT IS TIME….FOR THE TECH GAMES!”

A roar went up from the crowd that sounded vaguely like ‘for the glory of Micro!’.

Now Zoey was sure it was a cult.

Claudia waited for the chanting to die down slightly. “And now, my lovely lady warriors…I must relinquish my throne…so I may join you in combat. But I leave you in very capable hands…come forth…Mistress of the Micro!”

Another woman stepped onto the staircase, wearing a microphone and a headscarf. Zoey vaguely recognized her from the Meet & Greet but couldn’t remember her name.

Claudia tilted her head to her. “Rashida.” She greeted, extracting something from a pocket of her pants. “Are you prepared for the sacred duties outlined for the Mistress?”

Rashida grinned manically. “I am.”

Claudia held out…a tiara made of what looked like broken pieces of old tech. In two swift motions, she pinned it to Rashida’s headscarf.

“I crown thee…Mistress of the Micro! May your wisdom and your voice guide us in our fight!”

Rashida bowed to the crowd as they cheered.

“Alright…then LET’S GET READY TO RUMBLE!!!!!” Claudia shouted. She had no sooner finished, than she ripped off her microphone and dove into the crowd.

Zoey had to smile but inwardly, she wondered what Claudia’s current emotional state was. She’d seen just how good the woman was at hiding behind a smile. “Wow…Claudia seems especially stoked for this…” She commented as the lights slowly came back up.

“She’s just excited because she can actually participate in this one…” Joan shook her head. “This could get very ugly…I warned you that things would get explosive when we competed.”

“Oh, but you wont be.” Zoey informed her.

“What?”

Inwardly, Zoey smirked. “Claudia’s on our team.”

She wished she had thought to have her phone at the ready. Because she would have killed to get Joan’s current expression on photo. “…how?”

“I invited her.”

Joan still seemed lost. Zoey could see the gears turning in her head. “Wh…when…?”

“We ran into each other at the Expo.” Zoey shrugged. “And she mentioned that she didn’t have a team…so I offered her a spot on ours…”

Joan inhaled sharply and Zoey tried her best not to laugh. “Zoey…”

“Yes Joan?” She gave Joan her best innocent smile.

Joan swallowed hard. “…well played…”

Zoey beamed. So far so good!

Rashida had quieted the crowd and was explaining the rules of the Games: time limit is 2 hours, all members must be back at the hotel, no social media posts during the Games…

Not seeing Claudia yet, Zoey decided to sweeten the deal. “Strange thing was…she said she wasn’t even going to do the Games unless you were here.”

Joan blinked, taken aback.“…she…she said that?”

“Yup,” Since she was full-on lying now, Zoey decided to just go all the way. “Said it wouldn’t be worth her time unless you were there.”

Joan’s face scrunched at that. “What game is she playing…?” She muttered in a low voice.

Before Zoey could think of a response, a positively glowing Claudia appeared beside them. Zoey noted with pride that her heart barely jumped at the sight of the woman.

“Hey Joanie!” Claudia greeted. She tilted her head down. “Zoey. Thanks for adopting me, you two.”

“Apparently, you’ve been charming my Zoey…” Joan commented drily.

Zoey’s eyes widened. M…my Zoey…?

But neither Joan nor Claudia seemed to catch the inflection.

“Always!” Claudia insisted. “And she was kind enough to extend me an offer!” She rubbed her hands together. “Now, I’ve already signed us up. So let’s talk strategy!”

As Zoey and Joan watched, the scoreboard above them displayed a new team entering the running: Team Joan.

Joan leveled a devastating glare at Claudia that had Zoey practically stuffing her fist in her mouth to avoid laughing at it. Claudia merely beamed. “The perks of the Organizing Committee.” She seized both of their hands.

“Come along ladies! There are contests to win!”

The Games, as it turned out, were something of a geocaching scavenger hunt.

Claudia had received a clue they had to solve to recover a microchip hidden somewhere in Daytona.

Within a minute, Zoey had put together that their first clue was along the city’s famous Boardwalk. Not halfway down the path, Joan found the storefront sign they were looking for: a fish monger.

“Nice work, Joany!” Claudia complimented, clapping Joan on the back. “Really sniffed that one out!”

Joan gave Claudia a look that Zoey couldn’t decipher and took a measured step away from the tech guru.

Zoey sighed. It had been like this since leaving the hotel: upbeat harmless humor from Claudia and dour silence and monosyllabic responses from Joan. She needed to get Joan to talk at least.

Zoey waved her phone. “We need picture proof. Get in here team!” Zoey pulled the two of them close, hardly believing that she was actually taking a selfie mashed between Claudia and Joan. 18-year-old her would have passed out at the thought.

With Claudia’s arm slung casually across Zoey’s shoulders, Joan’s arm was forced to snake around her waist. Her fingers brushed Zoey’s hip. Zoey’s breath caught.

She clicked the shutter and ducked forward, leaving the two exs closer than they’d stood all day. Zoey busied herself with checking that she’d gotten the image. The background was a little blurry. But the three of them were perfectly in focus. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Claudia wink at Joan. Joan flinched, cheeks coloring and turned away.

Zoey smiled, her stomach fluttering. The Plan was working!

“Come on!” Claudia called, already moving, “We’ve only got 2 hours to find our Microchip. Zoey, send in our photo so we can get our next clue!”

Zoey saluted (because it seemed appropriate) and submitted their photo through the conference app. As she looked up, her gaze caught Joan’s.

“What?”

Joan looked away. “…nothing.”

But Claudia seized on the moment. “Joan’s too pretty for a place like this.” She informed Zoey. “We need to get somewhere more worthy of her.” The tech guru glanced back at Joan, as if for approval.

Joan just shook her head.

Before Zoey could think of anything to say to break the silence, Claudia’s phone blipped with a sonic screwdriver sound.

“We’ve got our next clue ladies!” She announced. Catching Zoey’s look, she shrugged. “I’m a gay woman; of course I’m in love with Jodie Whittaker.”

Laughing, Zoey joined her to read their next clue. Joan hung back but Zoey could feel her eyes on both of them.

“I know just where this is…” Claudia said, after a few moments of deliberation. “We’re gonna need to get there pretty fast though…it’s a big place to search…”

“Give me that…” Joan snatched the phone from her and read the clue with a wrinkled brow.

Claudia took advantage of Joan’s distraction to nudge Zoey. She waggled her eyebrows and gave Zoey a grin that she couldn’t help but return. Clearly, she was feeling good about how it was going so far!

Joan threw the phone back at Claudia, startling them both. “I know where it is.” She announced. “Come on.”

When neither of them moved, Joan whirled back to face them, bristling. “Do you want to win or not? Move it, underlings!”

Claudia gave her a lazy salute. “Your wish is my command, team namesake!”

Zoey saw Joan flinch again. She brushed away from Claudia as the woman tried to link arms with her.

Zoey frowned. What is going on with her?

Joan’s silence lasted until they rolled up to the Daytona Museum of Arts & Sciences, thwarting even Claudia’s most egregious attempts to provoke her. She stalked across the entryway, digging inside the decorative flowerbeds in the garden.

“Getting into gardening now?” Claudia quipped. She perched herself on the edge of the flowerbed alongside Joan. “You always did like things dirty.”

Zoey made an odd grunting sound that even she wasn’t sure was a laugh.

“Zoey, would you help me?” Joan asked, beckoning without looking. “It’s gotta be in one of these…” Zoey obliged, mainly so she could get a look at Joan’s face.

It was closed off and focused. A work-face. With a hint of a flush.

Come on Joan… Zoey thought to herself. You can’t spend all day giving her the cold shoulder just because you’re crushing on me! She’s available! She clearly wants you! What’s the issue?

Zoey shot a look over her shoulder, but Claudia wasn’t looking at her. She had to do something; Joan wasn’t nearly as receptive to Claudia’s advances as she’d hoped.

“So the Games…” she tried, nudging Joan slightly to break her focus. “Do you two compete every year?”

“No.” Joan snapped, snapping the head off of a daisy.

“This is the first time we’ve been on a team together.” Claudia confirmed. She smirked at Joan. “And what a team we make, huh Joany? Like old times…”

Zoey had to at least admire the woman’s optimistic dedication. If she’d been facing this kind of treatment from a crush, she’d have given up before they’d reached the Boardwalk.

Joan stood, still not looking at Claudia. “It’s not in this one, we have to keep searching.” She dug into the next one.

Zoey shrugged at Claudia.

“Joan wasn’t always all business.” Claudia replied. “Especially in college…one time I had to drag her off of a bar and bribe her with aspirin the next day to study for a final.” She smirked, eyes lighting up. “Sometime after college she turned into this hyper-focused workaholic…” Her tone was light and teasing. But even before Joan whirled around, face red, Zoey knew something she’d said had finally pitched Joan past the point of indifference.

“What is your game?” Joan demanded, wiping her hands on her jeans.

Claudia seemed puzzled by her reaction. “Game…?”

Joan screamed in frustration. “God, would you just…! Stop with the banal chitchat and the teasing and the winking!” She stared the other woman down, her glare sharp enough to pierce Teflon. “What are you after?”

Claudia laughed but Zoey saw a twinge of hurt in the action. “You always assume the worst of me…”

“Why wouldn’t I?” Joan exclaimed. “After what you did in 2015?”

Zoey dug into another flowerbed, mainly to disguise the fact that she was listening as closely as she could.

Claudia looked away, suddenly bashful. “I keep telling you, that was a misunderstanding…”

“And in 2018?”

“A coincidence!”

“Right…how about now? What is this?” Joan gestured frantically between them. “Why are you doing this if not for some diabolical reason?”

Zoey’s hands closed on something distinctly not-vegetable. She unearthed their microchip: sheathed in a thick plastic case. “Hey guys! I got it!” She turned back but neither of them seemed to have heard her. “Guys?”

Claudia and Joan were squaring off, Joan in a familiar power pose and the tech guru clearly trying very hard to keep her body language casual. “Is it really so hard to believe that I just want us to reconnect?” Claudia asked. “As more than just casual acquaintances?”

“Yes!” Joan exclaimed. “Because how could you want that?”

For the first time, Claudia seemed genuinely hurt. “Joan…I just…”

“Just what?” Joan gestured around them. Zoey stared. She’d never seen Joan so…volatile.

“Just wanted to remind me about it? Just wanted to rub it in my face and show me how effortlessly, aggressively okay with everything you are?”

“You left!” Claudia finally snapped, the first inclining of anger evident on her face. “If I were you, I’d spend less time concerned with my feelings and more considering why you’re so concerned about them!”

Zoey’s eyes darted between them, unsure if either remembered that she was there and if that was a bad thing. Half of her wanted to disappear into the background. All of her couldn’t look away from whatever was happening.

Joan folded her arms, standing tall but her gaze withering. “And there you go again, twisting it, so that it’s all about you. I wanted to stay…but I was never enough for you.”

“That…that isn’t…that’s not…!” Claudia shook her head, eyes tight. “There’s one thing that bothers me Joan…I knew you, better than anyone. But I never understood…why…” She swallowed, lip trembling. “He didn’t deserve you…and you definitely deserved better than him.” She let out a breathy chuckle. “But Charlie was a safer option…and I got the appeal of a hetero marriage…” The tech guru took a step back, lips tight and gaze skyward. “if there was one thing I could never do, it was convince you to take a risk on us.”

It was then that Zoey put it all together.

Oh…crap. She almost facepalmed. Stupid, stupid Zoey.

Joan had left Claudia. For Charlie. She’d been the bad breakup that had put Claudia off of dating bisexual women.Of course she felt she couldn’t get back with her after that.

Immediately, Zoey felt terrible. But why was Claudia so eager to get back with Joan if she’d been the one to break her heart?

“Then why are you doing this?” Joan asked, apparently following a similar train of thought to Zoey’s, “Why are you acting like all is well again when I know it can’t be? Like I didn’t tear you apart and leave you all alone? Don’t you hate me?”

Zoey tensed, eyes darting from her boss to Claudia. This was Claudia’s chance…to tell Joan that she wanted to date again…to officially forgive her for what Joan had done and let them move on.

She fiddled with the microchip. So why wasn’t she saying anything?

Claudia was staring at Joan, her usually expressive face suddenly blank and dull. For a moment, Zoey was sure she was going to Sing. But Claudia suddenly blinked, snapping out of whatever headspace she’d been in. Her gaze moved to Zoey, eyes narrowing slightly, lips parting. But just as Zoey started to worry, Claudia’s gaze softened to a smile and she turned back to Joan.

“Well?” Joan demanded, looking dangerously close to crying.

Stepping forward, Claudia wrapped Joan in a tight hug. “Oh GOD, I’ve missed you Joany.”

Zoey stared, half expecting Joan to shove her away. But after a moment of hesitation, Joan hugged Claudia back, sighing heavily.

Zoey smiled, seeing the catharsis the hug was bringing to both of them. But then she heard the music.

For a moment, she thought she might finally be getting a duet from them. But it was not to be.

Claudia lifted her head first, eyes soft and longing as she stared down at Joan.

Wanna be loved every night
Wanna know she's only mine
Breathe her in, give me life
Got all these hearts in line
They all wasting their time
'Cause only you do me right

But as Claudia broke the hug to break into dance, Joan began to Sing, eyes downcast.

Hello, it's me
I was wondering if after all these years you'd like to meet
To go over everything
They say that time's supposed to heal ya
But I ain't done much healing

Hello, can you hear me?
I'm in California dreaming about who we used to be
When we were younger and free
I've forgotten how it felt before the world fell at our feet

There's such a difference between us
And a million miles…

Zoey shook her head, the conflicting and very different melodies already giving her a headache. She tried to look away but they both moved back into her vision.

Claudia was dancing, every motion indicating her desire for Joan and her need to reconnect.

I wanna be missed like every night
I wanna be kissed like it's the last time
Say you can't eat
Can't sleep, can't breathe without me…

Joan on the other hand had adopted a distant ponderous look, and was posing dramatically in the wind.

Hello from the other side
I must've called a thousand times
To tell you I'm sorry for everything that I've done
But when I call, you never seem to be home

Zoey wished she could stop this…it was physically painful to hear both of these Songs clashing with each other. They spun around her, gazes never quite meeting.

I wanna be held, fragile like glass
'Cause I've never felt nothing like that
Say you can't walk
Can't talk, go on without me…

She stood in the midst of this hurricane of emotions, unsure what to do or say.

Hello from the outside
At least I can say that I've tried
To tell you I'm sorry for breaking your heart
But it don't matter, it clearly doesn't tear you apart anymore…

Aren't you tired every day?
'Cause I run through your brain
Hold me down, keep me safe
This is as good as it gets
Don't you dare second guess
Only want you saying yes…

Zoey blinked hard and finally (mercifully) returned to reality.

The two of them were still hugging. Even with her Zone Out, Zoey could tell it had been an unnaturally long hug. But perhaps it was what they both needed.

Still, they had a game to win.

Zoey cleared her throat. “Ladies…maybe we should keep it moving?”

Joan immediately stepped back, gathering herself. “Right…yes. You’ve got it?”

Zoey held up the microchip. “Team Joan is ready to return to base.”

Joan rolled her eyes at the name as Claudia giggled.

“Come on,” Joan turned on her heel and headed for the museum exit. “And shut up!” She snapped at Claudia, her lip curling fondly. “I’m still not convinced that you wont dump something on me during the keynote!”

Claudia laughed. “Oh come on Joan…you know I’m not that diabolical…”

They bickered as they walked, Claudia casually slinging an arm through Joan’s. This time, Joan accepted the action.

Zoey followed a respectable distance behind them, still turning over their latest Songs. Well, at least they were both getting somewhat closer. And dealing with their past.

All she had to do was get their Songs in sync. Or at least get them both Singing the same thing.

But how was she going to do that?

They raced back to the hotel, microchip in hand, to find a line of woman cheering them on.

Claudia soaked in the attention, hefting their prize like the Olympic torch and jogging down the line back to the entrance hall. Joan rolled her eyes but Zoey caught her smirking as they followed.They were the first back, with ten minutes to spare.

Over the next ten minutes, two other teams reappeared just before the cutoff, holding similar chips.

“Now what?” Zoey asked, watching as the crowd gathered around the grid on the floor.

Joan and Claudia both smiled widely. “Now…” Joan said, “it’s 4D obstacle course time.”

From the stage, Rashida quieted the crowd with a gentle raise of her hands.

“Welcome back, victors.” She began, gesturing to the three teams. “You have acquired the Microchip of Unlocking…now you may proceed…to the real challenge.”

Assistants came forward and offered each team a VR headset. Zoey took it and noticed a small port on the side.

“Insert your chips!” Rashida called.

Zoey slid their microchip into the port and the headset flashed blue twice.

With a flourish of her hands, the board under Rashida’s feet lit up a brilliant white. At the far end of the board, a single square was illuminated by a bright blue X.

“You have to reach the blue X in both the real world and the VR landscape.” Rashida explained. “If any of you step on a trick tile, either in the real world or the VR landscape, that team member is out. If you are completely eliminated from either the VR landscape or the real world, your team forfeits your microchip!” The Mistress extended her hands to the remaining team. “Now, select your alternate-reality champion, and take your starting position!”

Zoey turned to Joan and Claudia. She wasn’t much of a gamer and didn’t want the responsibility of wearing it.

“I’ll do it.” Joan said immediately, evidently seeing the discomfort on Zoey’s face. She took the headset from Zoey and adjusted the strap. “I’m trusting you two to guide me. So no funny business!”

Claudia smirked. “Wouldn’t dream of it, Art3mis…” She made a motion like she was going to smack Joan’s butt but held off.

Joan slid the headset on, gasping slightly. “…what the…?”

Claudia grabbed Joan’s elbow and dragged her to their starting spot. “Don’t worry Joany…it’ll be just like in ‘99 when we played real-life minesweeper at the IBM Games!”

Joan grabbed the tech guru’s arm to steady herself. “I crushed you at that.”

Claudia laughed, still not letting go. “Yes, you did.” She glanced at Zoey and gestured her over to Joan’s other side. Zoey slid into place, hand hovering near Joan’s other arm.

Rashida raised a hand. “Ready…set! And I should mention…” She smirked. “Horseplay is encouraged…go!”

Claudia surged forward, pulling Joan and herself onto a tile. Zoey staggered behind and noticed faint numbers glowing at the base of the tile Joan and Claudia shared.

“What…?”

A scream from across the board distracted her. A girl on one of the other teams had broken from her group and chased one of the opposing team members off the board.

“Ohh…” Zoey realized. “Horseplay…” They could chase their opponents. It was a game of chess combined with minesweeper and adding another dimension on top through the VR.

Zoey’s brain went into overdrive, furiously picking out numbers and counting. It was a chessboard layout…but then with the minesweeper aspect, the numbers meant…

Too late, she saw that Joan and Claudia were still moving. “Claudia…wait, no!” She leapt forward, skipping a square to reach for them.

Joan paused, turning back to Zoey’s voice. But Claudia stepped forward and the tile under her foot lit up a brilliant red. A siren blared throughout the game floor.

“Team Joan!” Rashida called, pointing a red laser at Claudia’s chest. “Player 3 is out!”

“I’m out!” Claudia cried, clutching her side. She groped for Zoey’s hand as the coder came closer. “Zoey! You have to lead her! Take it!” She shoved the microchip case into Zoey’s hand, clasping her fingers around it. “Take it…and assure our victory!”

Then, with a dramatic swoon, she ‘died’.

“What’s happening?” Joan demanded, turning around but unable to see Claudia through her headset. “Claudia?”

“Claudia’s out.” Zoey informed her, placing a hand on Joan’s arm to let her know where she was. “She hit a trick tile.”

Joan swore. “Dammit Claudia…”

“You got this Joan!” Claudia insisted, peeking one eye open. “I believe in you two!”

“Joan?” Zoey tapped her arm. “What do you see?” She was starting to figure out her board. But she had no idea what Joan’s looked like.

Joan turned her head. “I can see a grid laid out…looks like a 48x48…there’s a 2 on the tile in front of me…” She stiffened suddenly. “Zoey, I have to go this way!” She pointed left. “I can see my X that way!”

“Uh…” Zoey looked ahead, seeing the blue X on the floor twelve squares in front of them. “How many squares away is it?”

“About six.”

Zoey closed her eyes, half of her mind calculating the optimal route. The other half was considering if what she was about to do was taking it too far.

“Joan…” She began. This was going to be unconventional but she could get them there. Zoey swallowed hard. “Trust me…” Taking a deep breath, she placed her hands on Joan’s hips.

Joan’s sides contracted at her touch. “Z…Zoey..?!”

She did her best to ignore how Joan’s voice caught. She stood on her tiptoes so that she could whisper in Joan’s ear. “Turn around.” She murmured. Joan obeyed but Zoey could feel her trembling under her grip. Her head turned down towards Zoey, blindly searching for her voice. “On three…” Zoey told her, threading her fingers through the belt loops on Joan’s jeans, “I want you to step one square towards me then two to your right. Like how a knight would move in chess.”

Joan nodded, her hands blindly reaching down until they settled on Zoey’s shoulders. Zoey felt a thick knot of warmth form in her stomach at the touch. She ignored it in favor of counting.

“One, two…three!” They stepped in sync. No alarms went off.

“Again.”

They continued this odd dance, darting their way around the board, Zoey counting furiously in her head and her heart racing as her grip on Joan’s hips tightened. Zoey could see the X getting closer and imagined how Joan’s landscape was changing.

“How far now?” She asked.

Joan squeezed her shoulders. “Two squares left, one up!”

Zoey nodded. Perfect. “Jump! Now!”

They both leapt to the left, over the square that Zoey had calculated as the most likely next trick tile.

Zoey’s feet landed squarely on the blue X. At the same time, Joan’s headset lit up a brilliant blue.

“We have a winner!” Rashida’s voice declared. “Team Joan!”

A celebratory siren blared through the hall and the air was suddenly filled with confetti. The cheering slowly faded in to Zoey’s consciousness as she registered two things all at once: they’d just won. And she was still holding onto Joan.

Joan pulled off her headset, eyes distant as she returned to the real world.

The first thing she focused on was Zoey’s face. Zoey’s very, very close face.

Despite the celebrations all around them, it seemed the only thing the older woman was registering was Zoey.

The coder shivered, unable to look away.

Joan looked like she was about to say something. Or perhaps she was about to Sing. But with the way her lips were parting and the tilt to her head…

Alarm bells went off in Zoey’s head. Her fingers were still on her boss’ hips. There was barely a foot of space between them.

Let go…step back…

But she wasn’t. Her grip tightened.

Surely she could just…turn this into a friendly hug?

But her face was leaning forward too…

Just hug her…just hug her!

Her hands started to shift…

Claudia suddenly smashed into Joan from behind, sending the older woman practically falling on top of Zoey. As it turned out, Joan’s arms wrapped completely around Zoey, one leg jamming between the coder’s to keep them from toppling over. Warmth flushed through Zoey’s body, emanating from Joan.

For just one moment, their bodies were pressed completely together again in their first real hug.

Then Claudia’s arms snaked under Joan’s and her body joined the mess of warmth.

“You did it!” Claudia cried, somehow managing to get both of them wrapped in a bear hug. “Team Joan for the WIN, BITCHES!!”

Joan smiled, really smiled at Claudia and took one arm off of Zoey to wrap around the other woman’s shoulder. “Did you ever doubt us?” She smiled at Zoey, looking shaky. “Zoey led us to victory!”

Claudia grabbed Zoey’s hand and lifted it high. “OUR CHAMPION!” She declared. The crowd gave a resounding roar that made Zoey simultaneously feel like the queen of the world and a tiny insignificant ant. She glanced back to Joan but she wasn’t looking at her.

Zoey felt like nothing.

As Claudia continued their victory lap around the room, pumping her fist in the air, Zoey felt as crushed as if they had actually lost. She carefully extracted herself from the group hug, making her way over to hand in their headset and microchip and accept the tiara from Rashida.

Suddenly, the room felt way too cold. Her stomach felt like it was filled with ice.

Chapter 12: Saturday: Keynote - Joan Bennett on the future of wearable tech

Chapter Text

Claudia insisted on treating them to dinner in the hotel restaurant to celebrate. The tech guru shared a booth seat with Joan, stranding Zoey on the cold bench opposite. She tried not to feel hurt by it but everything seemed to be making her irrationally irritated at the moment.

Still, the Plan was in motion. And like any good coder, Zoey was determined to get the outcome she desired.

Joan was actually smiling now, although it still seemed guarded. And she kept shooting glances at Zoey. For most of dinner, Zoey pretended not to notice, pretending that she found their very obviously gay server attractive and weathering Claudia’s subsequent teasing. But right towards the end of dinner, she slipped up and accidentally met Joan’s gaze.

Instead of looking away, Joan held her eyes, not quite smiling, not quite sad. Unable to look away, Zoey wished she would Sing. Joan opened her mouth; maybe to Sing, maybe just to talk.

Claudia chose that exact moment to casually throw an arm around Joan’s shoulders. Joan finally looked away mouth closing, but she just as casually broke the contact.

Zoey pursed her lips, trying not to sigh in frustration. Her insides still felt like she had inhaled arctic seawater but she couldn’t justify it.

Why are you making this so difficult, Joan?

Well, she knew the answer to that.

By the time they finished eating, they had less than an hour until the keynote. Joan vanished back up to their room to change, leaving Zoey and Claudia to debrief over coffee.

“Nice work kid.” Claudia complimented, slapping her on the back. “I haven’t had that much fun at the Games in years!”

Despite her inner confusion, Zoey had to smile. “Even with the argument you two had?”

Claudia nodded. “It all needed to be said…We’ve both got a lot of baggage…particularly around the gay thing…” She gazed off into the distance, contemplating something. “But we’re not 21 anymore. Time to talk like adults…”

Zoey nodded. “So…how do you think it’s going…beyond that?”

Claudia sighed. “Zoey…I know you’ve got some crazy kind of intuition but…” She trailed off and Zoey’s heart plummeted. Was Claudia having second thoughts?

“You sure we should go on with this Zoey?” Claudia asked, facing drawing up in concern, “She’s clearly still beating herself up for leaving me 20 years ago.”
“All the better for you two to make up now!” Zoey insisted. “Let her know you’re okay!”

Claudia still didn’t look convinced. “But is she ready for a relationship again?” She ran a finger around the rim of her coffee cup. “Even just a friendship?”

Zoey nodded. “She might not be ready, but she needs it!” Joan’s Song had proved as much and the two of them clearly both cared about each other. So why was Claudia so hesitant? Could she not see it?

Lowering her cup, Claudia fixed Zoey with another of her penetrating gazes. “What makes you so sure?” She asked.

Zoey was having a hard time focusing with that look; mainly because she was very gay and up until that morning she’d basically seen Claudia as a goddess. “I just…” She decided the truth would serve her best now. “I just want her to be happy. And I think she’ll be really happy with you.”

She found she had to keep reminding herself that that was why she was doing all this.

Claudia leaned back, seeming satisfied enough with that answer. “Well then…I’m all in on Team Joan…”

Zoey made her way down to the auditorium a few minutes before Joan was set to speak. She’d pulled on her red co*cktail dress and the heels for the occasion, feeling like she couldn’t embarrass Joan by showing up in anything less. She’d attempted to tame her hair but had given up after realizing that it would look fine loose.

A technician waved her in through the back door and she found herself behind the scenes of the hotel concert stage.

“Seriously…what doesn’t this place have?” She muttered.

It didn’t take her long to find Joan. But when she did, she hung back.

Claudia had found her first.

The two women were both dressed to the nines: one in a stunning black pantsuit, the other a sparkling black ball gown. They were also standing very close together. Joan was whispering something to Claudia and passing her what looked like her tablet. Claudia was staring at her like she had hung the stars in the sky.

Zoey’s chest seized, her fists clenching. They were so close…surely Claudia was about to…?

But then Joan glanced up. Her eyes immediately found Zoey’s and Zoey knew that making out was the last thing on Joan’s mind right now.

She finally approached the duo, noting Claudia’s gentle tap on Joan’s shoulder.

“Don’t worry Joan, I’ll take care of everything…” Zoey heard Claudia murmur in Joan’s ear.

“Ready?” Zoey asked, tamping down her curiosity.

Joan let out a high-pitched laugh. She was hugging herself tightly, lips pursed and eyes wide.

Zoey shot Claudia a look but the tech guru only nodded. “It’s going to be great.” Claudia insisted, standing in front of Joan.

Joan gave an anxious titter, looking like she wanted to throw up.

With a glance at Zoey, Claudia placed her hands on Joan’s shoulders. “Look at me, Wonder Joan.” That statement finally managed to break Joan’s stupor. Claudia smiled at her. “Every woman out there admires and respects you…” she stroked a strand of hair from Joan’s face, fingers lingering slightly on Joan’s cheek. “None more than me.”

Zoey felt more than she heard Joan’s breath catch.

Claudia smirked. “You’re gonna be awesome.” She gave Zoey a nod and walked out on stage to loud cheers.

“Thank you, thank you all! Such an honor to be here! Now shut up and let me talk! Each keynote at each AI-WITC brings a unique insight to our roles as innovators, leaders, and of course, as women. And tonight’s guest is no exception…”

Joan turned to Zoey as Claudia rambled on. She didn’t say anything but Zoey didn’t need a Heart Song to know that even with Claudia’s reassurances, Joan was more nervous than she’d ever seen her. Her hands were trembling.

Zoey smiled at her, feeling the empathy warm her to her core. “You are enough.”

Joan closed her eyes, a shaky exhale escaping her. “Please…just stay there? Where I can see you?”

Zoey nodded and planted her feet.

Squaring her shoulders, Joan took a deep breath. Her hands were still shaking.

Without thinking of the consequences, Zoey reached out and took Joan’s hand. She couldn’t help it: it was just instinct. Joan stilled, her fingers going limp. Zoey threaded her fingers through the older woman’s and gave her a brief squeeze. The smile it brought to Joan’s face made it worth the uneasy churn that ran through her own chest.

“And now, please give an enthusiastic welcome to the one, the only, Joan Bennett!”

Squeezing Zoey’s hand one last time, Joan dropped it and walked out to deafening applause.

Zoey’s hand had never felt more vibrant. Joan may be the one onstage, but Zoey’s racing heart made her feel like she was the one performing for an audience.

As promised, Zoey didn’t move throughout the entirety of Joan’s talk. She didn’t know if Joan could see her from her place onstage but she kept glancing over at Zoey anyway. Each time, Zoey offered her an encouraging smile.

Joan positively killed the keynote. Her presentation was flawless, her voice loud and clear, and her demeanor the casual confidence that Zoey had always admired about her.

As soon as Joan finished, there was deafening applause. She couldn’t see the audience but Zoey was sure Joan was getting a standing ovation. Zoey clapped along from her spot, beaming as Joan gave a final wave.

Joan turned towards her and walked offstage. She was practically glowing: eyes bright, face pulled into the biggest smile Zoey had ever seen her wear and face flushed. She looked like she had just conquered the world.

Without thinking, Zoey threw herself at Joan, wrapping her arms around her in a tight hug just as she exited the stage.

A heavy exhaled laugh escaped Joan as she gathered Zoey into the embrace, arms tightening around her waist.

“Told you…” Zoey admonished her, giddiness at Joan’s triumph making her bold. “You were incredible!” She laughed.

Joan’s hold tightened. “Yeah…th…thank you Zoey…” She was still trembling but there was an undercurrent of joy to it now. Her breath moved Zoey’s hair and tickled her shoulder. Even in the heels, Zoey was practically on her tiptoes. It was just like their embrace after the Tech Games. Only there was no Claudia between them this time.

Zoey froze, her heart stopping.

There was nothing between them this time. Much like that morning after Zoey’s shower.

Damn.

Joan seemed to realize it at the same moment Zoey did. The hug loosened but neither of them let go as they drifted back.

Zoey’s hands found comfortable purchase on Joan’s shoulders. Joan’s fingers fit perfectly around Zoey’s hips.

Dammit.

Thinking about their collision that morning was the wrong move. Zoey could feel her face flushing and prayed that the dim backstage lights would hide it.

But wrapped up as they were, their faces were so close…Joan’s eyes were drifting down, her lips parting….

Zoey’s heart was thrumming in her chest, so loudly that she was sure Joan could hear it…

Would it be so bad if…?

“Alright Joan! Joan…?”

The interruption broke…whatever train of thought she’d fallen on. Zoey practically shoved Joan away from her, face burning. She stumbled slightly, barely managing to keep herself upright.

What the hell am I doing? Why the hell did I do that?

Chest heaving, she turned.

Claudia’s eyes shot between the two, her face unreadable. Joan was staring at Claudia, one hand over her heart.

For a moment, no one said anything. Three pairs of eyes dueled in the empty space between them.

Then Claudia grinned and beckoned. But Zoey could tell her smile was far from genuine. “Come on you two! The after-party awaits! We must celebrate our victory and Joan’s glory! Zoey, bring the tiara!”

She spun on her heel and glided away.

Joan didn’t look at Zoey as they left the stage.

Her chest still burning with lost warmth, Zoey tried not to feel disappointed.

Thankfully, the after-party seemed to be by invitation only. The lounge was significantly less crowded than Karaoke Night had been and with far less singing. Zoey didn’t think she could have handled another karaoke mishap.

She nursed a daiquiri, not trusting herself with more alcohol at the moment. Not after how she’d all but lead Joan on (again!) backstage.

Joan and Claudia were drinking and entertaining a small knot of admirers. While she knew it was unfair (both of them were well-known and respected entrepreneurs after all and she was only mid-level management), Zoey couldn’t help but feel out of place with all the attention focused on them. Joan kept trying to beckon her in but there was just no space for Zoey among the throng of groupies.She supposed it was fitting.

As the night progressed, Claudia’s casual touches had morphed into more-than-casual, something Joan seemed both aware of and utterly unconcerned about. Zoey tried not to notice but each one drew her eyes like a car crash.She felt nauseous as Claudia placed her arm around Joan’s shoulders and Joan did not shrug her off.

It was only when Joan leaned up to whisper in Claudia’s ear that Zoey realized she was staring at all. Ears burning, she looked away.

It had taken some time for the deejay to get settled and she was now lighting up the impromptu dance floor with what sounded like (to Zoey’s ears) the Rolling Stones.

She scoffed to herself, already hating the music. Perfect. Same band that started this whole…thing. She swigged her drink.

“Zoey? Zoey!”

She turned back to find Joan offering her a hand and an uneven smile.

Zoey inhaled. Why was that smile so off-putting?

“Zoey…come dance with…” Joan glanced over her shoulder, “…us?”

The crowd had fallen back somewhat at the introduction of music and Joan’s mind was clearly headed that way. Claudia slid an arm around Joan’s waist, so smooth and casual that Zoey immediately worried that she had missed their kiss.

“No, no thanks.” She managed, looking anywhere but at Joan. “I’m good.”

Joan was wearing the tech tiara - she’d tried to pass it off to Zoey, claiming Zoey had all but won the day for them. But before Zoey could say it, Claudia had pointed out that tonight was Joan’s triumph after that phenomenal keynote. So there Joan was: looking and practically being the queen of the party. And Claudia at her side only completed the picture.

Claudia gave her a sympathetic smile. “Not much of a dancer, kid?”

Zoey just shrugged, not caring enough to answer.

“That’s alright.” Claudia assured her. “Maybe just take a break and go for a walk? See if anything catches your interest?”

Joan leaned closer, trying to catch Zoey’s eye. “Are you sure?” She had to shout over the music but Zoey was sure she’d meant it to be soft.

“I’m alright.” She waved a hand. “Go! Go dance with Claudia!”

She turned back to the deejay, missing Mo more than she thought she would. Mo would’ve had the perfect song to get them dancing together. Mo would’ve helped her talk through this sudden…irritation that was plaguing her tonight.

Claudia said something Zoey didn’t catch and pulled Joan towards the music. Zoey gave Joan a reassuring smile that she knew was not convincing.

All she needed was to see this Plan through. Once she got the right outcome, everything would be as it should be. She would stop hearing Songs from Joan, Claudia would be happy, and Joan would get laid and everything could go back to normal. Everyone would be happy. She would be happy.

Zoey drummed her fingers on the table, wondering if a massive Song would tip her off to the lovebirds or if she’d need to see it herself.

Either way, a kiss would be the end of it…right?

She hoped so; Zoey didn’t think she could handle much more of this.

The coder gulped the rest of her drink and ordered a martini. She needed something stronger to get through the rest of the night.

Before long, she was ordering a second. She just needed Joan to see that she had a chance with Claudia…she just needed them to f*cking kiss already!

She managed to stay for a minute before her curiosity got the better of her and she left the bar, drink in hand. She weaved her way towards the dance floor, hanging by the edge until she caught sight of them.

They were, in fact, dancing. But in the way two colleagues at an office party might. They weren’t even touching!

Zoey bit her lip, thinking. What song could she use? There had to be something that would encourage something more slow, more intimate…

But as she consulted her meager catalogue of love songs, the party music faded away into something slower.

Zoey’s head shot up. Claudia was Singing.

There's a hero
If you look inside your heart
You don't have to be afraid
Of what you are
There's an answer
If you reach into your soul
And the sorrow that you know
Will melt away

Claudia danced around Joan but it was less lusty and far more attentive than her previous Songs.

And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you'll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you

It hardly sounded like a love song and was a far cry from Claudia’s previous desperate numbers about Joan. But Zoey didn’t know what that meant. Wasn’t Claudia still on board? Or had she decided to wait and keep their relationship friendly?

That wouldn’t do… Zoey needed a kiss. She stalked forward, balancing her drink as she dodged through the other dancers.

Thus far, she’d only made suggestions, dropped hints, and brought them together. She’d assumed Claudia, with the amount of longing in her first Heart Song, would jump right on the chance to woo Joan. But she’d hardly made progress.

Zoey watched them dance, neither of them making an effort to reach out for the other. She huffed in frustration, she had to do something!

It’s a long road
When you face the world alone
No one reaches out a hand
For you to hold
You can find love
If you search within yourself
And that emptiness you felt
Will disappear…

But just as Claudia finished her Song, she slid a hesitant arm slid around Joan’s waist, pulling them flush together. Zoey froze, her grip on her drink tightening. Her determination for something just like this had pushed her close enough to see their faces in complete clarity.

Joan did not immediately push Claudia away. Both of them seemed surprised to be there; as if they hadn’t considered this possibility when they started dancing.

Then Joan leaned in, eyelids falling, searching Claudia’s face.

“Come on…” Zoey muttered, waving her hand. “Come ON!”

Claudia dove in. Their lips met. And held.

Zoey pumped her fist.

Finally!

For a single second, Zoey felt satisfied, like a difficult line of code had finally worked the way she wanted it to. The Plan had been fulfilled.

But as she saw the result; as she witnessed Claudia’s hand slide up Joan’s neck to rest in her boss’ hair and the tension melt out of Joan’s face, an old emotion clawed up her spine and seized her heart tightly.

She stumbled backwards, everything and everyone feeling like it was crushing her. Songs pounded through her head in a deafening, incoherent mess, eerily similar to when she had first gotten her powers.

Suddenly I see…

Rumor has it…

I can’t explain…but it's something about the way you look tonight!

hold my hand…want you to hold my hand…

That’s amore!!…

We’ll do it all…everything…

How do I get you alone?

I still get jealous…

She managed to fight her way to the bar; by some miracle not dropping her glass as the cacophony reached a familiar crescendo.

I'm hooked on all these feelings!!

Zoey sat down hard at the bar, one hand curled around her drink, the other scratching at her burning chest.

The image would not leave her: Claudia kissing Joan, cupping the back of Joan’s head. Joan relaxing into it, the wrinkle between her eyebrows smoothing…

Zoey downed her drink in one gulp. The alcohol flared all through her nose and mouth, making her feel like her head had just burst into flames.

The realization came in the form of a nearly incoherent exhale: “f*ck!”

She slammed the empty glass down on the bar.

She finally had a name for that clawing feeling.

She was jealous.

The music stopped, leaving her empty head echoing.

As soon as she could move, Zoey made a break for it; stalking away from the lounge and pacing aimlessly through the empty hotel halls.

The alcohol buzzed through her veins, inflaming the irritation that had taken root just after the Games.

She was jealous.

Jealous.

What did that mean?

She contemplated calling Mo: Mo would hear her out and be sympathetic. But he didn’t know Zoey that well and had never been through one of her tumultuous relationships. Max had witnessed her most recent ones. But he couldn’t know that this new one was about Joan. She wasn’t ready to try and talk him through this. Her dad would have been the perfect candidate…he always had been. But he wasn’t a possibility. Her mom was a close second but they’d never had the bisexual Talk. And the thought of telling her mother that she was jealous of her boss kissing her idol sent her further into a panic. How would she even begin to unpack that?

Zoey paused. No, the person she wanted to talk to about this…

“Are you Zoey Clarke?”

The voice startled her and Zoey stopped dead. “Yes?” She glanced around, finding herself standing outside the doors to the Expo hall.

The speaker, a young technician in a conference shirt, checked Zoey’s nametag and nodded. “We’ve got a special request for you to get access to the Expo floor.” She told a still-confused Zoey. The woman dug a set of keys from her pocket and started to open the door. “They said you’d be dropping by later tonight but we can do it now if you like.”

“Do what?”

Opening the doors, the technician gestured. Following her indication, Zoey’s heart soared.

The gyro-sphere.

“Strap yourself in.” The technician told her. “I’ll get it fired up.”

A good twenty minutes later, Zoey finally stumbled out of the simulation, tears running down her face.

I was in space…

It had been everything she’d hoped for: crystalline visuals of Earth from orbit, the constant sensation of gently falling, the stars stretching out around her in infinite blackness, the silence. And for a solid ten of those minutes, she’d managed to forget about Joan.

The technician was gracious enough to ignore her emotional response. She walked around, shutting down the simulation.

Zoey had to know. “Who did this?” She asked. “Who set this up?”

The technician seemed surprised. “Oh…the order came down from the organizing committee…”

Zoey’s eyes widened and she felt like crying all over again. Claudia had done this for her…as a thank you for getting her back together with Joan. And she didn’t know if it had been a worthy trade. “…uh…please…tell…tell Claudia I said thank you…”

The technician shook her head. “Oh no, Ms. Balusa gave the order but she said it was a special request from the keynote.” She smiled at Zoey. “So you really should be thanking her instead.”

Chapter 13: Saturday: Bonfire

Chapter Text

The VR experience had ended. But Zoey still felt like she was drifting. Forever falling in an endless void.

It was Joan.

She was ambling down the hallway: half-drunk and half- delirious as she wandered towards their hotel room. Somehow that made too much sense. How the hell would Claudia have known that she wanted to do the VR experience and had missed out during the Expo? No, Joan had known about her NASA dreams, had seen her excitement and her dejected return.

Joan…

The gesture was sending Zoey’s heart tumbling down an endless hill. If she hadn’t realized her feelings from witnessing the kiss, this would have been the equivalent of a neon sign. And a slap upside the head.

A soft moan escaped her lips.

How had she fallen this fast? This completely and abruptly into wanting Joan?

Well, Zoey reflected, she was usually the last to know when she had a crush. Max had practically needed to actually smack her upside the head to get her to see that she was crushing on Simon. But there was no one else here this time; no friends to point out her obvious pining.

But I really just…? Seeing her kiss Claudia was all it took? Really?

No, she realized, her heart sinking. She’d just been too dense to recognize the other times. Too wrapped up in Songs and her own judgments about what the best outcome was – what the universe or whatever had given her her powers was pointing her towards.

Zoey bit her lip as everything started to fall into place. Even before this trip she’d thought about Joan this way. Every admiring glance when Joan was particularly badass at work, every moment she suddenly felt inferior after noticing how beautiful or well-dressed her boss was. And when she’d slammed her foot up next to Zoey’s head in the elevator during her first Song…

Zoey had initially passed it off as stunned surprise (what was one supposed to think of anyone just doing that, especially when said someone was their hardcore boss in the middle of a dramatic, lusty Heart Song?) but further reflection made her go cold with realization. Arousal. Underneath the what-the-f*ckery of the moment, and the exhaustion of a long workday, she’d been just the slightest bit aroused by her boss’ display that night.

And since then, all of her nervous energy around the woman had been inflamed with a hint of admiration and maybe…a hint of lust? The swimsuits and Joan’s abs, the way Zoey’s body had both craved and recoiled from Joan’s increasingly friendly touches. She’d always admired Joan, even when she feared her. But…underneath that…did she want more? Did she want to…be with Joan that way? The same way that Joan wanted her?

But, Zoey reasoned, punching the elevator button, it hardly matters anymore.

Her stupid Plan had worked. Joan and Claudia were together again.

She stepped into the elevator and collapsed against the back wall.

Joan and Claudia were probably taking a walk along the beach, holding hands in the moonlight and reminiscing about college. Or having another drink at the bar, laughing at old jokes. Or pressed up against a wall, kissing heatedly as they shed their clothes.

Zoey bit back a sad drunk sob. Joan’s definitely horny enough to sleep with her tonight…

This is what she’d wanted…she’d wanted them together so Joan could stop feeling so guilty about her repressed sexuality and her crush on Zoey.

Why did I have to get what I wanted?

And why, if she’d felt this way underneath for so long, had her immediate impulse been to push Joan away?

Zoey hugged herself. She’d done the same thing with Max; shoving Autumn at him as quickly as she could just to avoid the future awkward conversation about his feelings for her and the current issue of him Singing them at her all the time. But it was different with Max. Her feelings towards him were entirely platonic, always had been and she liked it that way.

But with Joan…

They’d never really been platonic, Zoey realized. They’d been adversarial boss-subordinate, then they’d been work acquaintances who’d only opened up because of day-drinking over marital dissatisfaction. They’d only become official friends on this trip.

But were we ever really friends?

Even as they were leaving San Francisco, Zoey recalled her awkwardness and Joan’s cryptic looks. They’d both been past friendship at that point, falling in different ways and at different speeds towards the same conclusion. But Zoey had arrived too late.

Zoey felt like crying all over again as she stumbled out of the elevator.

All she wanted to do now was bury herself in her bed and cry herself to sleep thinking about Joan being with Claudia. At least they only had one more day at the conference. Zoey only had to suffer through one day of seeing them together.

Just one day of torment.

She opened the door to the room and her heart stopped.

Joan was curled up at the desk, wearing her sleeping shirt and tracksuit bottoms. She was facing a line of vodka miniatures as if they were chess pieces in a long game.

A rush of excitement at seeing her there tore straight through Zoey followed quickly by a pulse of fear.

She’s here.

She wasn’t with Claudia.

“Joan…what are…?” She had to clear her throat before continuing. “what are you doing?”

Joan didn’t even look at her. “Hey, Zoey…” Her voice was dull, like she’d just been crying and had no emotions left. “There’s a bonfire down on the beach…perfect chance for you to meet some of the attendees your own age and do some drinking…”

“I don’t really want to.” Zoey interrupted, determined not to let Joan out of her sight again.

Joan sighed but still didn’t look up. “Zoey, the whole reason I brought you here was to…”

“Why did you bring me here?” Zoey demanded.

That had Joan’s head snapping around. “What?” Her blue eyes were bloodshot but still such an intense blue. Zoey swallowed. How had she never noticed that before?

“Why did you bring me here?” Zoey asked again, trying to sound gentler this time. Her stomach seemed to be shrinking, tightening so much that it was trying to vanish.

Joan bit her lip and pulled her knees closer to her chest. “I…I thought it would be a nice return gesture for you hearing about my marriage problems…and supporting me afterwards…”

“Yes, but you’d already gotten me the shoes for that.” Zoey kicked them off to articulate her point. “So why this too?”

“It’s great for networking…” Joan insisted, “in case…in case you ever needed to find a new job…a better one.”

Zoey shook her head. “I don’t want a different job…I love working at SPRQ Point…” A horrible thought crossed her mind. “are…are you firing me?”

“No, no of course not!” Joan seemed appalled at the suggestion. “Just…wanted you to have options…more options than just what’s in front of you…make some new acquaintances…”

It would have been a more convincing argument if Zoey hadn’t literally spent every moment of this conference with Joan.

Joan finally selected the second bottle from the left and twisted the cap off with an expression like she was slaying a dragon.

Zoey couldn’t help herself. “Where’s Claudia?” She asked, barely able to keep the concern and glee from her voice.

Joan took a swig of her miniature. “In her own room…sulking I expect…”

“S…sulking?”

Her boss polished off the small bottle. “Because I told her something she didn’t want to hear.” She mumbled.

Zoey froze. No…no way. Please don’t tell me you did that Joan… Her heart still jumped in anticipation.

Joan tossed the bottle in the general direction of the wastebasket. “Zoey, I know you saw us kiss…” She rounded on the coder and it was only then that Zoey realized just how devastated Joan was. Her boss was disheveled and clearly several drinks into the night. Her whole face seemed to be giving up, except for her eyes. “Why…why did you leave?” Joan finally asked, as if she were merely interrogating Zoey about leaving a meeting early instead of confronting her about witnessing her kiss someone.

Zoey pursed her lips, trying to buy herself time. She could have lied. She so easily could have said that she had wanted to give them privacy. Or that she’d gone off with an acquaintance from the Tech Expo. Or simply that she’d gone to the bathroom.

But as she opened her mouth, she knew that she wasn’t going to be able to run from this any longer. She wasn’t going to be able to push yet another person she cared about towards the first viable candidate to avoid the emotional pitfall of confronting her feelings.

“I…I didn’t want to see it…” Zoey admitted.

Joan flinched as if Zoey had struck her.

“Oh no…I…!” Zoey fumbled for something better to say. “I…I didn’t mean…!”

“Well, don’t worry, clearly I’m not getting laid tonight.” Joan staggered to her feet. “So go to the bonfire…you wont be sex-iled if you come back late…” She waved a hand at Zoey as if in dismissal. “See if you can hook up with someone there…one of us should at least…”

Zoey was full-on drunk panicking. “Joan…no…I just meant…!” What did she mean? Minutes ago, she’d so clearly known what she felt. Why was it so hard to verbalize it?

Joan wasn’t looking at her. “Zoey please…just go.” She gathered up the remaining bottles and made her way towards the door. “Don’t feel like you need to stay to keep me company just because…because I’m dealing with some things…”

Zoey rushed around to block Joan’s path. “I want to stay. Joan.” She insisted. She tried for a smile. “I…want to spend more time with you.”

“Why?” Joan demanded, with a self-deprecating drunk chuckle. “Why, Zoey?” She threw the miniatures down on her bed, where they clinked together on the comforter. “That’s something I’ve never gotten…we weren’t close before the whole Charlie thing…what is so fascinating about me that you suddenly took an interest?”

Zoey stopped dead, feeling like her answer (or lack thereof) would determine the remainder of their relationship. She didn’t want the pressure of a kind of decision like this!

Joan rounded on her, clearly expecting an answer. “Well?”

Zoey was stuck. Did she say nothing and let her actions speak for themselves?

She could hardly tell Joan that the reason their friendship had begun was because of a Rolling Stones song that had refused to leave her alone until she listened to her boss’ relationship drama. She could hardly follow that up with the realization that after witnessing Joan’s dissatisfaction, she’d been seized by an unyielding urge to do whatever she could to help her, even beyond her marriage problems. And she’d barely admitted to herself that after weeks of lunches and Twitter exchanges and spending more time with her, she’d started to really love Joan’s company, so much so that she was a little afraid of the woman. She couldn’t begin to describe the feelings still eating away at her from watching Joan kiss her college idol…

…could she?

Feelings…

She clapped both hands over her mouth, desperate to keep it in. Joan was looking at her with a strange combination of curiosity, concern, and hope that it loosened her grip enough to let the unexpected music slip through.

She was Singing her first Heart Song.

I walk through this world, just tryna be nice
They say I’ll get hurt, if I’m not like ice
I know I’ve got friends, I still get so lonely
If I look in your eyes, I’ll want you to hold me

She knew Joan could hear her, she knew she looked like a crazy person just randomly singing out of nowhere. But another part of her knew that she couldn’t stop this if she tried.

I’m sorry that I care…care…

I’m sorry that I care…care…

It’s really not that fair…fair…

I can’t help but care…

I over-communicate and feel too much
I just complicate it when I say too much
I laugh about it, dream about that casual touch
Sex is fire, sick and tired of acting all tough

I’m hooked on all these feelings…

I know exactly what I’m feelin’…

Her brain finally regained control of her mouth and Zoey made a decision. “I…” She swallowed hard. “I think I like you Joan.”

For the second time that day, Zoey had rendered Joan stupefied. “Uh…um…” The woman blinked several times and Zoey thought she saw her pinch herself. “Wh..what?” To be fair, if she didn’t have her powers, Zoey probably would have suspected the past few minutes of being a dream too.

Zoey took a deep breath. It did little to settle her racing heart. “I like you Joan…like as more than a friend.” The confession was oddly freeing, like releasing a secret she hadn’t realized she was carrying.

Joan inhaled, her whole face lifting for the briefest of moments. “I thought…you and…Max…”

“What? Oh no…” Zoey shook her head, momentarily confused. “no Max and I are firmly in the friend stage.”

Joan fiddled with the hem of her shirt. “What about the marketing guy…Simon?”

Zoey had to think for a moment before addressing that. “Simon…he’s a friend.”

“A friend you want something more with.” Joan observed.

“Maybe I did.” Zoey admitted. “But he’s engaged. And the more time I spend with him, the more I realize our connection is based entirely on shared grief.” She dared to meet Joan’s eyes. “Not like with us…”

For a moment, her words hung between them; a challenge, request and invitation.

But to her surprise, Joan looked away. “Zoey I…I’m sorry…I…” She wrapped her arms around herself. “I don’t feel the same way.”

It was almost convincing. If it hadn’t been for her superpower, Zoey would have believed her. As it was, the thick undercurrent of background Whitney Houston music was a major tip off to the lie. Zoey wasn’t going to let her deny how she was feeling. Especially not if it only lead to more Songs from both of them. The universe clearly thought that they had to address this. Both of them.

“I…I know that you like me Joan…” There it was. The secret she’d carried for nearly 24 hours (had it really only been that long?) was finally out.

Joan scoffed but it was every bit the haughty superior disguise they both knew. “Oh really? And h…how do you know that?”

Dammit, now would be a great time for that list…

Zoey brainstormed as quickly as she could and came up with the perfect scapegoat.

“Cl…Claudia mentioned that you might…?”

Joan’s mask shattered. “What…? But how did she…?” Her forehead wrinkled like she was trying to do some difficult mental math. Several seconds later, she seemed to realize she’d just given up the game and made a valiant attempt to regain it. “I…I’m really flattered, Zoey but…but…”

“Joan look…” Zoey interrupted, needing to speak up slightly to drown out the new background music that she couldn’t place. “I know I’m not the most beautiful or the most socially adept of women…”

“Zoey, no!” Joan admonished her, stepping closer. “Don’t talk about yourself like that!” She made as if to reach for Zoey’s face but quickly pulled her hands back, fists clenching. “You are the smartest woman at this conference! And no one compares to your incredible empathy and kindness…” She shook her head. “And oh God, Zoey…do you have any idea how beautiful you are? I saw you walking around in that blazer our first day and I…I wanted to…” Joan stopped herself, biting her lips and shaking her head. “But no, I can’t.” She buried her face in her hands. “God, Zoey…why would you want to be with me?”

Now it was Zoey’s turn to be flabbergasted. And more than a little flattered. Joan thought so highly of her and so lowly of herself? “Joan, I…have you looked in a mirror lately?” She tried to laugh but it came off more as a nervous gasp. “You are…stunning…and just effortlessly graceful. I would kill someone to have half the poise that you do…” Probably not the best choice of words but she soldiered on. “…and you're absolutely brilliant…not just at work but with all of your unexpected nerd knowledge and emotional control.” Zoey had to stop herself, knowing she was treading back into sensitive territory as Joan wrapped her arms tighter around herself. “I would be so lucky to land a woman like you…and…I…I want to. To land you. So why are you resisting this?”

Her boss was struggling, that much was evident even without music. “Zoey…I can’t…I can’t follow through on this…not with…not with you.” Joan turned away, still hugging herself. “It…it’s unprofessional and frankly, pathetic that a woman in my position would…crush on a subordinate like this…especially one so much younger…”

Emboldened that Joan was no longer denying it, Zoey’s curiosity overwhelmed her. “How long have you felt like this?” She asked, softly.

Her boss took a deep breath like she was preparing for a high dive. “Since…since the night of the Watch launch.”

Zoey froze. That long? “R…really? You mean since…?” How had she not had a Song before this trip then?

Joan nodded. “Basically from the moment you told me that I should do the Watch demo…took me a little while to realize it…and even longer to accept it…but that was it. That was the moment I…” She cut herself off, looking like she had just bitten her tongue to stop herself.

Zoey was speechless. “Joan…” She didn’t know what to say…was Joan really…?

But Joan was panicking; Zoey could see it in her face. “I…I need to go.”

She tried to brush past Zoey and head for the door. But just as she did, the background music finally swelled into a full Song.

I want love, but it’s impossible
A woman like me, so irresponsible
A woman like me is dead in places
Others feel liberated

Joan paused, eyes closed, hand over her heart. Her face contorted with such pain that Zoey could not comprehend.

“Joan…”

I can’t love, shot full of holes
Don’t feel nothing, I just feel cold
Don’t feel nothing, just old scars
Toughening up around my heart

Her heart breaking, Zoey chased a dancing Joan around the room, trying to keep her from leaving. She knew some kind of Zone Out was going on this time. But she was determined to fight her way through it. She was going to show Joan that she was capable of love.

But I want love, just a different kind
I want love, won’t break me down
Won’t brick me up, won’t fence me in
I want a love, that means everything
That’s the love I want, I want love

I want love on my own terms
After everything I’ve ever learned
Me, I carry too much baggage
Oh man I’ve seen so much traffic

But I want love, just a different kind
I want love, won’t break me down
Won’t brick me up, won’t fence me in
I want a love, that means everything
That’s the love I want, I want…

The Song came to an abrupt end and Zoey found herself with a hand on the door. The other was above Joan’s shoulder, pinning the woman against the wall. It was an awkward position, especially with the height difference. But Zoey didn’t want Joan to leave.

Joan blinked in surprise, mouth open at Zoey’s uncharacteristic aggression.

…Love.

“Zoey…! Wh…what?”

Zoey stared up at Joan, still trying not to cry from her Song. She was too sad, too drunk, and too jealous to hide behind bashfulness anymore. And she was not going to Sing to Joan again.

“I’m not letting you run from this, Joan.” She wasn’t going to let Joan throw herself at another “Charlie” over fear at her worth. Joan deserved so much more than someone that left her unsatisfied and cold. Zoey didn’t know if she was that person. But she was sure as hell going to try. “Stay…let’s…talk.”

“Zoey…” Joan had clearly tried for a disapproving sigh but her voice crack made the whole thing sound more like longing than reproach.

The inflection sent chills up Zoey’s spine. “I know you think you’re being all proper and chivalrous by denying it but…you…feel something for me, don’t you? Something so strong…”

Joan flailed. “I…”

Zoey seized her hand, stilling the motion. “And I…seeing you kiss Claudia it…” she inhaled sharply, unsure if she was even ready to admit this to herself. “…it made me so…jealous…”

Joan’s eyes widened and Zoey saw the tiniest of smiles pull at her lips. She caught Joan’s gaze and held it.Joan’s hand was heavy in hers, gripping her tightly.

“You deserve this Joan…if you want it.”

For an instant, Joan’s face relaxed. But she immediately hardened it back up. “No, Zoey…let me walk away.” It was a boss-voice. But Zoey could hear music building underneath it.

Joan tried to shift them but only managed to pin Zoey against the door, their faces too close.

Joan inhaled sharply and Zoey heard herself echo the action. Up close, those blue eyes were proving fatal. If she got much closer, Zoey couldn’t be held accountable for her actions.

“Let me leave, Zoey…” Joan begged. Her tone was desperate. But an instant later, her whole demeanor switched. Her eyelids fell and she pressed forward, her body close enough that Zoey could feel the heat radiating off of her….

In your eyes…the light, the heat…in your eyes…I am complete…

“You…you don’t really want that.” Zoey observed, her heart racing wildly.

Joan’s body snapped back, eyes wide. “H…how could you possibly know that?” Like a switch had been flipped, she leaned forward again, lips ghosting over Zoey’s neck.

Kiss me…beneath the milky twilight…lead me…

Trembling, Zoey shook her head, trying to remain in this moment rather than fade into another Song or give in to the temptations of Joan’s lips. “Stop…” She moaned. She couldn’t focus with Joan all but kissing her neck.

“Then let me leave!” Joan insisted, looking as confused as ever.

Zoey leaned closer this time. “Not if it’s not what you want!”

Joan did not back away. Zoey could see every miniscule twitch of her eyes and muscle movement of her face. “Zoey…it doesn’t matter that I want it…”

“Why not?”

Zoey felt the involuntary twitch of her body again. It was just like karaoke night only this time Zoey knew it was what they were both feeling. The Song burst from her:

I can’t fight this feelin’ any longer…

Joan leaned in, answering her lyric.

And yet I’m still afraid to let it flow

What started out as friendship has grown stronger

I only wish I had the strength to let it show…

Their noses were brushing, faces no longer apart, Joan’s breath warm on her lips.Zoey couldn’t tell if this was real or just another Zone Out.

Baby, I can’t fight this feelin’ anymore…

“Stop!” Zoey cried again, wishing her own mouth would stop betraying her and undoubtedly making this even more awkward.

Joan jerked back, her shaking hand covering her mouth. Apparently she had actually drifted closer this time during the Song. “What? Zoey…I’m sorry I…I don’t know what’s gotten into me…” Her stance immediately shifted, hand falling away, eyes lidding.

Take my breath away…

Zoey felt like she was about to explode. It was all too much; the raw feelings, the flipping songs in her head, never knowing just how close Joan was and seeing that sad desperate look in Joan’s eyes…

Her mouth moved without her telling it to.

She had to. For both of them.

Zoey surged forward and closed the gap between them.

As their lips collided, suddenly Zoey understood why Joan had been so reluctant to act on her feelings. It wasn’t shame. All this time, she was just waiting for Zoey to make the first move. To justify the strength of her feelings. To justify the risk.

Joan instantly sighed into the kiss and melted against the coder. They fell away from the door and back against the wall, Zoey pressing into Joan. There was nothing more to be said. The mess of music in Zoey’s head finally quieted as she indulged in her feelings.

Chapter 14: Feels like the first time

Chapter Text

It didn’t take them long to leave the wall and migrate toward the bed. Zoey’s bed. The bed where just that morning, Zoey had awoken to Joan’s beautiful face hovering over her in concern.

That feels like a year ago…

Now that face was in her hands. And she was kissing every inch of it that she could reach. Joan smelled faintly of alcohol and tasted faintly of salt. She felt so warm. Zoey loved it.

Joan moaned softly as Zoey trailed kisses across her cheek. Her hands wrapped tightly around Zoey’s waist and pulled her closer. She practically lifted Zoey’s feet from the ground, her chest pressed against the coder’s. Her face nuzzled Zoey’s until their lips met once more. She didn’t seem to want to talk or even to look at her. Clearly talking was not going to get them to where they both wanted this to go.

It was an odd sensation. On the one hand, Zoey was kissing Joan and the rational part of her brain was registering the wetness, the insistence of Joan’s tongue, the plush pliability of her lips and the complete insanity that this was actually happening. On the other hand, Zoey was kissing Joan and the irrational part of her brain was craving every second and directing every burst of sensation downward. Right between her legs.

She echoed Joan’s moans, hardly daring to believe that all this was happening so fast.

Zoey pushed and her lips jostled loose as Joan stumbled, sitting down hard on Zoey’s bed. Rational and irrational crashed back together, trying to make sense of the data they had collected. Brilliant as she was, all Zoey could think was: holy sh*t.

Panting, she glanced down at the woman sitting on her bed: pupils blown, lips swollen, chest heaving.

Joan looked halfway gone already, a stupid smile that warmed Zoey’s heart stuck on her face. But her eyes still held reservations. Zoey couldn’t bear to see her still doubting this.

Unable to think of something to say to reassure Joan that she wanted this, Zoey leaned back down and planted a soft kiss on Joan’s lips.

The older woman moaned softly as she pulled away, face leaning unconsciously forward. Zoey watched her eyes flutter back open, her stomach twisting nervously.

Am I enough to satisfy her? Is this what she wanted?

Her boss reached up, hand hovering just in front of Zoey like she was afraid to actually touch her. When Joan didn’t move after several seconds, Zoey took a half step forward, letting Joan’s fingers make contact with her chest.

Joan gasped, hand recoiling slightly. But before Zoey could do anything else, she came back, both hands ghosting over Zoey’s ribcage.

Zoey bit her lip to hold in her laughter at the tickling sensation.

Joan didn’t seem to notice. She ran her fingers up and along Zoey’s shoulders until they found the zipper at her back.

She looked up at Zoey, a question in her eyes.

Zoey dipped her head, smiling.

In one swift, decisive action, Joan pulled. Zoey inhaled, breath shaky.

The dress peeled back from Zoey’s shoulders, exposing them to the cool air. Two gentle tugs had the garment hanging from her waist.

Here, Joan’s boldness failed. She glanced up at Zoey, a question she didn’t seem to want to ask on her face.

Making her decision, Zoey stepped forward, pulled in her stomach and let the dress pool around her ankles. She offered Joan a smile to hide her anxiety.

Does she like what she sees?

Joan nodded her approval, lips parted. Her fingers tentatively reached for the exposed skin, trailing feather-light touches across Zoey’s stomach and waist.

Gasping, Zoey slid closer, mainly to prompt those curious hands away from her sensitive spots. With barely any space between them now, Joan rested her hands fully on Zoey’s hips, hands fitting perfectly around them. Her warm touch sent tingles of excitement all through Zoey’s torso, akin to fireflies flitting about her.

In an attempt to even the odds, Zoey began tugging the hem of Joan’s shirt out of her tracksuit bottoms.

Her boss did not resist. But her hands slowly peeled away from Zoey’s middle to let her lift the shirt off over her head. It took them a moment of maneuvering to get the garment over Joan’s head, mainly because Zoey’s hands were shaking so much that she kept accidentally hitting Joan in the face. Joan fell back against the sheets as the shirt finally fell to the floor, letting out a sound between a laugh and a huff. She gazed up at Zoey with her usual fondness and a slight hint of trepidation.

Zoey swallowed hard, eyes tracing the newly-exposed skin. Joan wasn’t wearing a bra. Her chest and abdomen were on full display.

Damn…

Kneeling on the bed, Zoey ran her trembling fingers down Joan’s stomach, the pads of her fingers catching on each beautifully defined abdominal muscle she’d ogled so many times this trip. Joan caught her breath at the touch, the muscles jumping under Zoey’s fingers and Zoey swore she’d just discovered what it felt like to land on the moon.

Zoey slowly curved her wanderings up towards the woman’s breasts. Her fingers danced along the under-curve of a mound but lacked the conviction to summit it. Up until now, they could pass all of their actions off as overly-friendly. But moving past this, everything felt far less solid, far more ephemeral and undefined.

As she paused in her wanderings, Joan sat up slightly. She took one look at Zoey’s face and seemed to read her thoughts. She placed her hands over Zoey’s and placed herself fully under her touch.

Zoey bit her tongue to stop herself from saying something stupid while she fondled her boss. This was a special moment; she wanted it to be memorable, not ruined forever by her awkward attempts at humor.

She was holding Joan’s breasts and dear God, they felt amazing.

While she was successful in choking off any words, she could not stop herself from making an odd, triumphant grunting noise.

It had been quite a long time since Zoey had been with anyone and even longer since that person had been a woman. She’d almost forgotten how incredible breasts could feel. Joan’s were the perfect size: just slightly larger than her palms and still remarkably firm. Pert nipples ground against her palms and she couldn’t resist rolling one through her fingers.

Joan gasped suddenly, her head tilting back.

“Y…yes?” Zoey asked, hands stilling.

Joan nodded. “Yes…”

The word washed over her and Zoey felt her insides react like a magnet had been turned on. She pinched one nipple and slowly lowered her suddenly very dry mouth to the other.

“Z…Zoey!” Joan’s answering cry must’ve meant that she’d done something right. Joan’s hands jumped up, tracing back to Zoey’s hips and trailing down over her barely-covered rear.

Zoey smirked against her breast as she felt a hesitant pinch. She nibbled the peak in her mouth in retaliation. Joan’s reactionary twitch made her feel like she’d just hacked Google. Her mind was already planning her strategy, programming the perfect code to learn all of Joan’s reactions and give her the ultimate pleasure.

Joan arched her back as Zoey rolled her hands together, squeezing even as she continued to nibble. Her hands tugged Zoey closer, so much so that Zoey over-balanced. Her hands scrambled for purchase, barely managing to catch herself before her nose smashed into Joan’s collarbone. As it was, she ended up practically sprawled on top of the woman, their faces almost touching.

Zoey bit her lip. “Hi.” Even as she said it, she felt herself blush.

Joan said nothing, her eyes piercing straight through the coder’s soul. In that moment, Zoey wanted to make her feel good, wanted to touch her and prove to her that she was beautiful and worthy of love. But right now, it felt more important that Joan get the chance to touch her. She’d been falling longer and harder than Zoey. And the hunger in her eyes was compelling Zoey to fulfill her every desire.

Never breaking eye contact, Zoey rolled off of Joan and reached behind her to unclasp her bra. She tossed it aside, noting with pleasure that Joan’s eyes immediately dropped to the newly-exposed skin.

Slowly, Zoey lay down on the bed. Her heart racing, she took Joan’s arm and guided it around herself.

“You can touch me, Joan…”

Joan swallowed hard and shifted, moving her hips until they hovered over Zoey’s. She leaned down, breath warm and heavy on Zoey’s face. Joan’s jasmine-scented hair was all around her, cascading around both of their faces so that it enclosed them both. It took Zoey straight back to the first Song and she trembled.

Joan had felt this way about her for so long…why had it taken her so long to act on it?

“Do…touch me how you want to…”

Joan’s irises darkened. Her hands immediately jumped to Zoey’s body, somehow finding the most sensitive spot on Zoey’s abdomen instinctively.

“OH my God…” Zoey breathed, squirming. “Please Joan…”

Her boss lowered her hips, straddling Zoey. Both of them gasped at the contact. Zoey couldn’t help the moan that followed. God, her hips were already grinding…!

The woman found her breasts and immediately cupped them like a regained treasure. She stroked Zoey’s erect nipples like they would crumble at her touch.

Talk with your fingertips…

Zoey smiled as the music faded in.

Don’t stop the car, let’s drive…

Joan’s Song was soft and hesitant, a far cry from the lusty, desperate number it had been the first time Zoey had heard it. It sounded like Joan was unsure if she was allowed to feel what she was feeling, or else unable to believe that she was currently doing what she had longed for.

Zoey offered her nothing but smiles and encouraging sounds as Joan continued to fondle her.

Suck on your amber lips

Joan’s lips brushed hers but she was too occupied with the Song to actually kiss her again.Zoey squirmed again.

Just give me one bad night…

Still sinfully teasing her mouth, Joan slid trembling fingers down from Zoey’s breasts, tracing the flat plane of her stomach and curving around her hip. She felt along sensitive skin until her fingertips slipped under the hem of Zoey’s panties. Zoey squirmed, a soft mewling noise escaping her. With soft blind tugs, Joan worked the underwear off of Zoey’s hips and down her thighs. As soon as the final garment was off, Joan dove back in for a real kiss, hips arching off of the coder’s.

Heartbeat is razor-thin…

Zoey had kissed a fair number of girls in her high school escapades behind her mother’s hydrangeas. Among some of the bolder ones, there had been some groping and articles of clothing removed. But this was the furthest she’d ever gone with any girl.

She was laid completely bare before Joan, with insistent lips against hers and foreign fingers tracing around her inner thigh, drifting ever closer to…

“nnngghhhh!” The strangled cry escaped her as Joan’s wandering fingers brushed at her slit.

Joan pulled back as if burned but Zoey grabbed her arm in a reflexive movement that startled them both.

“Yes…” Zoey managed. She tugged Joan’s hand back to her core. “Yes.” Joan’s hand remained limp so Zoey ground herself down, still gripping her wrist.

“Joan…”

Her soft murmur emboldened the older woman. Joan started to move her hand, fingers hesitantly tracing Zoey’s entrance.

It was driving Zoey crazy.

“More…” Her voice sounded strangled. “Joan…please…more…” She needed Joan to drop all her hesitancy and just touch her already.

Joan obliged, her tracings becoming firmer.

High heat, you make me high

Zoey was high, hooked on Joan and she didn’t want to stop. Despite the novel partner and situation, she had never felt safer and more cherished during sex.

“In…inside…” Zoey forced out, arms tight around Joan’s shoulders.

Joan paused, seeming startled by the insistence. But an instant later, her strokes gently pushed past Zoey’s entrance.

“YEs….” Zoey hadn’t realized just how sensitive she was…how much she needed this. How the hell had she not figured things out sooner? Current Zoey was yelling at Yesterday Zoey to get her sh*t together.

Get underneath my skin…

Joan slid deeper inside of her than slowly drew her finger back out.

Zoey whimpered at the loss. But before she could admonish or beg, Joan was pushing inside of her again. With two fingers this time.

Zoey felt her hips start to buck on their own, desperate for more friction, more motion. Each thrust of those fingers made the wave of pleasure inside of her crest stronger and stronger. “Joan…please…!” She almost felt embarrassed for how quickly she was getting turned on. But it somehow made sense that Joan was just this good at sex.

God, Charlie’s a moron for ever letting her go.

She clutched the woman tightly, breath escaping her in a squeaking gasp as Joan’s fingers curled just right inside her. Any wayward thoughts of Charlie, of Songs, of rationality, of reality faded away in favor of the pure carnal pleasure. Every muscle in her body was clenching, the amount of tension building inside of her beginning to hurt with the need to release…!

“Joan…Joan…JOAN!”

Joan’s thumb did something to her cl*t and the combination finally set of the explosion Zoey craved.

Her release turned her vision white. Through it all, she could hear Joan’s voice softly humming along to the music in her head.

“Just give me one bad night…Zoey…”

Chapter 15: Sunday: Morning After - Recover over some frank conversations with veterans in the field!

Chapter Text

There was a strong, warm arm around her waist.

Zoey shifted, inadvertently sighing as her motion made the arm around her tighten softly. The scent of jasmine flowers stirred a memory in her tired brain. She shifted, feeling her aching body protest.

What…happened?

She cracked her eyes open. Sunlight was coming in through the curtains, lighting up the empty bed across from hers.

Someone’s face was close behind her, breath softly brushing her exposed shoulder.

Then the music started and it all came flooding back.

The jealousy, the Songs, the kissing - God the kissing! - and then…

Zoey blushed, squirming slightly at the memory of hands on her body, soft kisses on her thighs. Silken skin under her hands. Fingers curling inside of her.

The music swelled and Zoey turned her head enough to make out Joan’s hands. Her blush deepened, spreading all over her body as she realized Joan was wrapped close around her, slowly waking up. And she was Singing.

You’ve been on my mind
I grow fonder every day
Lose myself in time
Just thinking of your face
God only knows why it’s taken me
So long to let my doubts go
You’re the only one that I want

I don’t know why I’m scared
I’ve been here before
Every feeling, every word
I’ve imagined it all
You’ll never know if you never try
To forget your past and simply be mine

Zoey didn’t dare move, afraid that if she did, she’d fully wake Joan and stop this beautiful Song.

Joan’s grip tightened, her lips tracing Zoey’s exposed shoulder.Zoey’s breath caught and she lamented that this wasn’t really happening.

I dare you to let me be your, your one and only
I promise I’m worthy
To hold in your arms
So come on and give me the chance
To prove I am the one who can walk that mile
Until the end starts

What?

Zoey panicked at the intensity of the lyrics. It sounded like…like…

If I’ve been on your mind
You hang on every word I say
Lose yourself in time
At the mention of my name
Will I ever know how it feels to hold you close
And have you tell me
Whichever road I choose, you’ll go?

I don’t know why I’m scared
‘Cause I’ve been here before
Every feeling, every word
I’ve imagined it all
You’ll never know if you never try
To forget your past and simply be mine

I dare you to let me be your, your one and only
I promise I’m worthy, mm
To hold in your arms
So come on and give me the chance
To prove I am the one who can walk that mile
Until the end starts

Zoey felt her heart stop. “Joan…” Joan really…really wanted her. She wanted her in a permanent, go on a date, be girlfriends kind of way. It hadn’t just been a conquest or a one-night stand to overcome her horniness.

Zoey couldn’t help it. No one had ever expressed such deep connection to her ever, even before her gift had taken hold. She could feel tears welling in the corner of her eye and her throat going tight. She had to get away from Joan, now, before this feeling faded, to properly process and freak out about just how deep she’d gone so fast.

Twisting herself around, Zoey tried to wriggle out of Joan’s grip as gently as she could. But she’d never been able to do anything gracefully.

Her shoulder somehow smacked right into Joan’s chin, making the woman grunt.

“sstopit…” Joan mumbled, arms tightening. “Notta wake yet…”

“Oh, Joan…” Zoey murmured. Her heart settled at the unconscious gesture but her stomach still twisted at the knowledge she now had. What happens now? Was Joan finally ready to throw away all her previous hesitancy and tell Zoey how she really felt? Or was this about to be really, really awkward for them both?

Joan’s eyes finally fluttered open completely, face soft and pupils dull from sleep. For a moment, she gazed down at Zoey in her arms, a soft, contented smile on her face.Zoey trembled. She’s so…beautiful…

But as she blinked back to full consciousness, Zoey watched the contentment fade and fear replace it.

“Zoey…?” Joan sounded confused.

A foreboding sense of disaster, like the moment right before a slip on ice, erased Zoey’s previous need to escape. How much does she remember? And how much did she want to remember?

“Joan…” She tried to sound soothing but it wasn’t working.

Joan’s face was rapidly descending into full-on panic. “Oh no…no…no!”

Releasing her hold, Joan fumbled away from her, nearly falling out of bed as she struggled to get away from Zoey.

“What…did we…did we really….? Ahh!” Realizing she was topless, Joan fumbled for something to cover herself with as she stood.

Zoey handed her the comforter, her previous trepidations twisting inside her so much that she felt nauseous. She curled herself under the sheets, now feeling like crying for an entirely different reason.

She regrets it? Even after that Song?

Joan wrapped the cloth around her, clearly still in the process of freaking out. Zoey wanted nothing more than to stand up and give her a hug. But she didn’t know if that would help either of them right now.

Her boss was pacing, taking tiny little waddling steps like a penguin with the comforter wrapped around her. “Oh my god…oh my god… oh my god….what have I done?” Her voice was shaking like she’d just killed someone. But Zoey could still hear a familiar rhythm underneath.

“Joan…” She tried, keeping her voice as steady as she could. “We did…we…” she couldn’t stop the blush as the thought came to her. “We finally got you a lady…”

Joan let out a choking squeak, a strangled laugh at Zoey’s attempt at humor. “I…I know…we…” She glanced at Zoey, “we were both drunk and we just…things got out of hand…” Even as she said it, Zoey knew she was just trying to convince herself that that was the truth.

“We weren’t that drunk…” Zoey pointed out, completely calm. She remembered everything from the night before with the kind of clarity she didn’t know existed. She never wanted to forget all the things Joan had done to her; the ways she’d made her feel. And that had her worried.

Joan ran a hand through her hair, disheveling her long locks. “All the same…this was a mistake.” She insisted, her voice shaking. “It was a mistake and we…we can forget it ever happened…” She glanced at Zoey again, eyes wide, clearly wanting her to take the out.

If she hadn’t just heard Joan Sing an undeniable confirmation of the depth of her feelings, Zoey might have done so. A part of her still wanted to run from this…to leave these intense feelings behind and deny herself the sensations because it just felt so right. And that wasn’t possible, right? People didn’t…didn’t feel like this so quickly…right?

Zoey considered her boss.

But she couldn’t run. This was just as much for Joan as it was for her now. And Joan deserved it.

“No…” Zoey swallowed, sitting up straighter. “I don’t want to forget.”

She saw Joan pause, almost in disbelief. “Zoey…” She shifted her grip on the comforter, biting her lip. “please…” she begged, “I…I want to.”

“I don’t think you really feel that way…” Joan’s eyes shot to her again at Zoey’s confidence. Zoey desperately tried not to waver under that look as her heart thudded. Those eyes were fast becoming her very own Kryptonite.

Joan shuddered. “It’s like you can read my mind...” Her Song background swelled once more.
Zoey grimaced. “Not quite.” She consulted her list. “I’m just…making an educated guess?”

“Zoey…” Joan admonished her. She leaned against the wall. “What were we thinking? I’m 20 years older than you…”

Zoey shrugged. “17, but who’s counting? There have been larger age gaps between couples…” She sat back, pulling the sheets tighter around her. All of her felt way too hot but she didn’t want to scare Joan by exposing herself. “What do you feel?”

Joan recoiled slightly. “I…” she sighed and shook her head. “you seem to always do that…”

Zoey was puzzled. “Do what?”

“Ask me how I’m feeling at just the moment when my emotions are at their worst?” Joan huffed. “You did it before my divorce when I was dissatisfied with Charlie…and when I was upset over the breakup at the bread bar…and that time we had lunch and I was angry about what my lawyer had said…”

Zoey remembered that Song with particular clarity. “Uhhh…women’s intuition?” She tried. Her heart skipped as Joan raised an eyebrow. Guess that excuse only worked on Max. “Right…uhh so how are you feeling?” She felt her voice going softer without conscious effort. “You can tell me, Joan. You know I wont judge you.”

Joan took a second, Zoey fiddling with the sheet edges in nervous anticipation. She’d never wanted her boss’ trust and respect more than she did in that moment.

Finally, the older woman’s face softened. Her eyes closed and she tilted her head back. “I…I feel…so satisfied…it’s been years since I felt any kind of pleasure doing things like that during…” She blushed, eyes opening. “…during sex. I’m…happy…I really…really liked this…” A panicked look crossed her face. “Did…did you?”

Zoey nodded as fast as she could. “I…yes…yes I did! I wasn’t sure at first but…now…” She looked up at Joan, feeling all soft and warm inside. “…yes.” Last night may have been impulsive and stupid. But she had loved the result.

Joan’s face fell, her eyes clouding. She turned away, sitting down on the bed with her back to the coder.

Zoey felt her heart skip into a rapid panic. “Is…is that bad?” She shuffled forward, hand stretching towards the expanse of Joan’s back. “You said you felt…”

Joan sighed and sat up, her ‘boss face’ back in place. “Felt or not, I’m still your boss, Zoey. And any kind of…relationship that goes beyond the one we had before this trip would be…would be…an HR nightmare.” Zoey could see the gears in her head turning, taking Joan far away from emotion and back into rationality. The last background notes of her Song faded. “Especially since we’re the only women on our floor…and I recently promoted you…and I took you on this trip…oh God…” She collapsed in on herself, face in her hands. “What was I thinking?”

“I know.” Zoey assured her. “I know.” It appeared that even though Joan was subconsciously ready to commit, ready for Zoey to be her one and only, her head wasn’t quite there. There really was only one option then, wasn’t there? “I’ll write up my resignation as soon as we get back. See if I can work on a different floor…I hear Ava’s looking for coders on 6…or I could leave SPRQ Point altogether…”

“What?! Zoey no…” Joan whirled around and grabbed her hands. “No. You shouldn’t leave over this. It was just a one-time thing…and it happened on personal time…we can…we can be professional about it…”

Zoey glanced down at their hands. Joan’s grip was fierce but in a comforting, protective way. “We…can try…” Already her hands were turning, trying to hold Joan’s hand again.

Joan followed her gaze and seemed to process that she was still gripping Zoey’s hands rather tightly. She pulled away…but not before softly stroking the programmer’s knuckles.

“I’m…uh…I’m…” Joan cleared her throat, face flushing. “I’m going to uh…to shower…you…you should…”

Zoey nodded, her heart thudding uncomfortably again. “I’ll get dressed…”

Joan nodded, seeming distracted. “Good. That’ll…that’ll be good.”

Joan stumbled off into the shower, pulling the comforter with her. Zoey remained in bed, wishing that she could return to a few minutes ago, before Joan woke up. Back to the warmth and the embrace. Wishing that she could live in the reality of Joan’s Song, even just for a bit longer.

But she couldn’t.

Why was Joan running from this? Zoey had seen the way Joan had looked at her last night, she’d heard all the Songs, and witnessed the exact moment Joan gave into her feelings.

Zoey shriveled, self-deprecation eating away at her. Maybe…maybe I wasn’t what she thought I would be?

But then what was with that Song this morning?

Zoey held her head, feeling the slight hangover from yesterday’s sad drinking binge and the loss of sleep starting to hit her. Everything was just happening way too fast and not giving her enough time to properly analyze and freak out.

She was ready to throw away her job to be with Joan…what did that mean? She’d never even considered a move so drastic with any of her previous partners - her last break-up had been over her specifically not wanting to move to New York because of her job. But Joan was ready to commit to Zoey…or at least felt like she was. Then why was she so desperate to toss them back into their professional relationship?

Doesn’t she…like me?

Or was Zoey mistaken?

As the shower started to run, Zoey got out of bed, wincing slightly at the ache between her legs. She dressed slowly, each motion bringing back a touch or sensation from the night before and all of the pleasure therein.

Zoey shivered. It was going to be so hard to be professional about this…

The music started and Zoey braced herself for whatever heartbreaking Song her boss was going to serenade her with from the shower.

One foot in front of the other

Zoey was startled by the lyrics coming out of her mouth. She was Singing this one.

Keep breathin’ just like they taught you

You politely ask to take a walk with me

I would have married you there underneath the trees

Is it real?

This thing?

Is it real? Oooohhh.

This thing?

Zoey clapped her hands over her mouth, heart racing at the implications of the lyrics.

No…no she couldn’t possibly…!

The Song burst from her like an org*sm.

I could make you happy

I could make you love me

I could disappear

Completely.

I could be your love song

I could be long gone

I could be a ghost

In your eardrum

When you sleep

Will it be with me?

When you sleep

Will it be with me?

Her feet carried her to the bathroom door. She slammed her back against it, Singing to the woman showering on the other side.

I could make you happy

I could make you love me

I could disappear

Completely.

I could be your love song

I could be long gone

I could be a ghost

In your eardrum

When you sleep

Will it be with me?

When you sleep

Will it be with me?

She’d never heard the song before. But the lyrics and the simple melody were stringing her heart out; slowly building to a kind of heartache she’d never felt before. Zoey peeled herself off of the door and sat down hard on her bed.

How did I miss you

When I didn’t know you?

Ooooohhhhh

Joan emerged, not even looking towards Zoey but Zoey continued to Sing.

How did I miss you

When I didn’t know you?

ooohhhh

It didn’t seem that Joan could hear or see her this time. This Heart Song was meant only for her to confirm what she’d already suspected and feared.

She was rapidly falling in love with Joan Bennett.

I could make you happy

I could make you love me

I could disappear

Completely.

I could be your love song

I could be long gone

I could be a ghost

In your eardrum

I could make you happy

I could make you love me

I could disappear

Completely.

Be with me.

When you sleep

Be with me…

Chapter 16: Sunday: 3rd Annual Hackathon

Chapter Text

They didn’t even try to act normal. Or at least Joan didn’t. It seemed like she couldn’t decide if talking to Zoey was a good idea or not.

She kept starting banal conversations: about the hallway decor, the breakfast selection, random conference attendees, and then choking up halfway through her first sentence.

Zoey winced after the fifth such instance, wishing she was better at small talk. But the best she could manage was to not ask Joan why she kept trying. And not to take Joan’s hand to get her to shut up.

Zoey shifted, clutching her coffee cup and grateful for the background chatter of the dining hall. Except for the ache between her legs, it felt like the beginning of their friendship all over again. Everything felt taboo or potentially off-limits to one or both of them. Anytime they came close to touching, both of them flinched back.Zoey hated that she missed Joan’s small, affectionate touches. But she couldn’t bring herself to initiate anything.

The fact that Joan now knew every sound Zoey made during an org*sm made her afraid to even cough in front of her boss.

Zoey shifted. At least Joan hadn’t Sung anything else…yet.

But the stiff silence was starting to get to the coder. Joan had been the one to insist on professionalism…but she was clearly struggling.

“So…are you going to watch the Hackathon?” Zoey finally asked, as Joan shot her a third covert sideways glance. “I thought it might be fun…see the hackers work in unison…”

Joan stirred her coffee. “I actually signed you up yesterday.” She mumbled, eyes on her drink.

It took several seconds for the meaning behind those words to register. “What?!” Zoey shrieked, heart jumping immediately to a gallop.

“Zoey, you need to step out of your comfort zone more.” Joan gave Zoey her first genuine smile of the morning. Well, first one while she’d been clothed. “And you’re gonna do great.”

Zoey slumped back in her chair.

“Yeah…”

The silence returned. Zoey didn’t try to break it again.

Half an hour later, Zoey was blinking at her three new teammates: Stella, Jaime, and Zahra. The four of them were sharing a table, crowded around red conference laptops in a conference room of the hotel.

The Hackathon, it turned out, was another team competition. This time, two randomly-assigned four-person teams were supposed to solve a coding issue by hacking into a provided database. Zoey fidgeted and tried to smile at Stella. This wouldn’t be so bad if it was just that. But it was the giant timer on the projection screen and the audience gathered behind them (containing Joan) that had her nerves flaring.

“Locate and patch the hole in Example Inc.’s database. First team to complete wins.” The Hackathon Host, a buff woman named Angela informed them. “Your limit is one hour.” She clicked and the clock began to count down. “Begin!”

Red team immediately set to work, four sets of hands clacking on keyboards. Zoey would occasionally exchange updates with the others, trying to focus on where everyone else was at and how much further they had to go. As they settled into a rhythm, she found her coding stride, fingers moving as fast as her mind could.

But every so often she couldn’t help breaking her zen and glancing toward where Joan was standing in the spectator area. Every time she did, she felt a rush of heat as their gazes met.

“Zoey…I can get in with an SQR injunction…Zoey?”

The coder tore her eyes away from Joan and blinked hard. “Hmm…oh, right!” She nodded to Zahra. “Go ahead, see if you can attack it from the firewall and bypass…bypass…the login credentials…”

She trailed off as music abruptly started. And she knew exactly who would be Singing.

“No…no...not now.” Zoey risked a glance over her shoulder and gasped.

Joan was swaying, seductively shedding her jacket to reveal a tank-top underneath. Her eyes and smirk were firmly fixed on Zoey. She bit her lip.

Zoey trembled. “Ohhh my god…” Joan had chosen to wear her jeans again today and Zoey’s eyes were drawn immediately to her rear.

If I had it my way, I would take you down
If I had it my way, I would turn you out
And if my body had a say, I would come again
Scared of what I might say, ‘cause I’m at the edge

Joan stepped over the boundary, long strides taking her right up to Zoey.

And our eyes are crossing paths across the room
There’s only one thing left for us to do

Staring right into Zoey’s face, she gave her own breasts a squeeze.

Zoey tore her gaze away and pounded away on her code. Heat was rising everywhere and memories of those hands on her last night made the code in front of her go blurry.

But the Singing Joan only leaned over her shoulder, her accentuated cleavage uncomfortably close to Zoey’s face.

Zoey stifled a moan. “Ohhh, that’s not fair…”

Joan Sang right in Zoey’s ear, voice low and husky.

You can touch me with slow hands
Speed it up, baby, make me sweat
Dreamland, take me there ‘cause I want your sex
If my body had a say, I wouldn’t turn away
Touch, make love, taste you
If my body told the truth, baby I would do
Just what I want to

Joan ran a hand across Zoey’s shoulders, fingers lingering. Zoey shuddered, her fingers seizing up into useless claws. Joan grabbed the back of Zoey’s chair and spun her around. Frozen, Zoey could only grip the edges of her seat and stare at the display.

If I had it my way, I would take the lead
And if I had it my way, I would take you deep
If my body had a say, I’d get it off my chest
Show you all the red lace underneath this dress

To Zoey’s surprise and mortification, Joan straddled her. Her boss smirked like she knew exactly what she was doing and ground down on Zoey’s hips. Denim rubbed against Zoey’s dress and exposed leg.

And our eyes are crossing paths across the room

There’s only one thing left for us to do

Zoey whined as Joan climbed off of her and pushed her away with her foot. But the sound had no sooner left her mouth than she hurried pulled herself back towards her screen, desperately trying to ignore the dancing temptress.

Joan danced right in Zoey’s peripheries, running her hands all over her body in a distinctly un-professional manner and swaying her hips.

You can touch me with slow hands

Speed it up, baby, make me sweat
Dreamland, take me there ‘cause I want your sex
If my body had a say, I wouldn’t turn away
Touch, make love, taste you
If my body told the truth, baby I would do
Just what I want to

“If you’re this turned on…why are you so stubborn about dating me!?” Zoey shouted at an unhearing, indifferent Joan. She crossed her legs, furious with herself that she was getting so turned on by something that wasn’t actually happening in the middle of a competition.

Joan only smirked, humming along to the melody.

“Please…” Zoey begged Joan, the universe, or whatever deity had given her her powers. “Please make it stop!”

How was she supposed to survive, let alone focus if Joan was going to be unknowingly seducing her through Songs for God knows how long?

You can touch me with slow hands

Speed it up, baby, make me sweat
Dreamland, take me there ‘cause I want your sex
If my body had a say, I wouldn’t turn away
Touch, make love, taste you
If my body told the truth, baby I would do
Just what I want to…

Zoey clenched her fists, trying to will her fingers to obey her. She couldn’t touch Joan. Not anymore. Zoey kicked herself for not returning Joan’s generous attention the previous night, when the haze of lust would have protected them. She could have given Joan the satisfaction she was still so clearly in need of. Now Joan was forever going to be craving Zoey’s touch…and Zoey would always know.

She squeezed her eyes shut as Joan began to inch her shirt up, fingers trailing along those sinful ab muscles…Her own hands inched along her thighs, desperate for friction.

Joan…please…it hurts too much.

“We have a winner! Blue team!”

Her eyes flew open as the buzzer sounded, a rush of white noise indicating her return to reality. Based on the clock, her Zone Out had only been about 3 seconds. But in those seconds, the opposing team had swooped in to claim victory.

Zoey slumped back in her seat, eyes stinging.

Dammit.

They’d come so close…but they weren’t fast enough.

She shook hands with all of her teammates, replying to their condolences with empty words she barely registered. She didn’t turn around, unsure if she could look at Joan after what she’d just witnessed the woman’s subconscious do.

She remained seated, staring at the incomplete hack code in front of her like it could solve the mess that had become her life.The heat between her legs had not dissipated.

Was this what she was doomed to? Constantly getting distracted by Joan’s horniness and unable to reciprocate or really feel the reaction?

Leaving SPRQ Point was suddenly looking like a good option.

Gentle fingers on her shoulder had the heat rushing all through her body again.

“I’m so sorry Zoey…”

Body trembling with pent-up sexual desire, Zoey turned to look up at Joan. The woman gave her a soft smile as she squeezed Zoey’s shoulders.

“You came so close…it was neck and neck right up until the end!”

Her boss’ face had none of her Song’s lust or confidence. All she was expressing was sorrow at Zoey’s loss. She barely seemed to register that they were touching for the first time since they’d woken up.

Zoey was seized with a burning need to…

To kiss her.

She had to violently grip the edge of her seat to prevent herself from lunging at Joan.

She wanted to kiss Joan again. To be held and comforted by her. But with as frustrated as she currently was, Zoey knew that she wouldn’t be able to stop herself if she did anything beyond their current predicament.

Joan stared at her and slowly seemed to realize where her hands were. She pulled away slowly, like trying not to agitate a wounded animal. But her expression didn’t change.

Zoey couldn’t handle this. Not after that Song. Her body was wrung out to dry and now Joan was playing with her heart. If this kept up, there wouldn’t be much of her left after this trip.

Her eyes slid over Joan’s shoulder and picked out a familiar face making her way through the crowd.

She’d never been so happy to have Claudia interrupt a moment between them. Clearing her throat, Zoey nodded towards the woman.

Joan groaned. “Right…” With a final half-smile, half-grimace at Zoey, she went to greet the tech guru.

Zoey hung back, pretending to be examining her team’s losing code for errors. But she heard everything.

The former lovers met with forced civility.

“Hey…” Joan seemed not to know how begin.

“Hey, Joan…” Claudia’s smile was soft and genuine. She nodded briefly to Zoey but was clearly only here to talk to Joan. “So…thanks for last night.” Claudia began.

“‘Thanks’?” Joan repeated, sounding as incredulous as Zoey felt. “We kissed and I…I just…” She bit her lip. “H…how do you not blame me?”

Claudia tilted her head back and laughed. “I guess I’ve done a crap job at convincing you I don’t hate you!” She tapped the woman’s forehead. “Get it through your head Joany…even though you broke my heart, I’ll never hate you.”

“Why?”

Claudia’s eyes crinkled fondly. “You saved me. I could never begrudge you that.”

Joan’s eyes widened. “I saved you…? But no…you…” For some reason, she shot a look towards Zoey (who quickly pretended the code she was reading was the most interesting thing in the world). “you saved me.” Joan insisted, her voice so low Zoey almost didn’t hear her.

Claudia’s reply came so instantly and effortlessly that Zoey had trouble believing it was coming from the same woman from the beach yesterday. “Then I guess we’re even.”

Joan laughed. “Yeah…I…I guess we are…” For the first time, she seemed completely at ease around her ex.

Claudia smiled at her. “Don’t be afraid to call me more often…” She held open her arms. “Same time next year?”

Joan hugged her, a fond smile relaxing her face. “Yeah…”

As they both stepped away, Zoey heard a new melody starting.

Knowing they couldn’t see her now, she stepped closer, wondering who was going to reveal something unexpected this time and how she was going to weather it.

Claudia stroked Joan’s face. The touch was still full of longing but to Zoey, it seemed to hold an element of farewell.

I’m waitin’ up, savin’ all my precious time
Losin’ light, I’m missin’ my same old us
Before we learned our truth too late
Resigned to fate, fadin’ away
So tell me, can you turn around?
I need someone to tear me down
Oh, tell me, can you turn around?
But either way

Hold me while you wait

To Zoey’s surprise, Joan actually joined in on the chorus, providing backup to Claudia’s melody.

I wish that I was good enough (hold me while you wait)
If only I could wake you up (hold me while you wait)
My love, my love, my love, my love
Won’t you stay a while? (Hold me while you wait)

They danced a slow, barely choreographed number that somehow fell perfectly between a love song and a breakup. Zoey watched from a safe distance, unsure how she felt.

Joan started the next verse, her gaze a mixture of pity and fondness.

Tell me more, tell me something I don’t know
Could we come close to havin’ it all?
If you’re gonna waste my time
Let’s waste it right

Claudia joined her again on the chorus, pulling her back into an embrace.

And hold me while you wait
I wish that I was good enough (hold me while you wait)
If only I could wake you up (hold me while you wait)
My love, my love, my love, my love
Won’t you stay a while? (Hold me while you wait)
I wish you’d cared a little more (hold me while you wait)
I wish you’d told me this before (hold me while you wait)
My love, my love, my love, my love
Won’t you stay a while? (Hold me while you wait)

The two ended in a double hand-hold, foreheads pressed together. Zoey had to admit, it was both heartbreaking and beautiful. Well, she’d finally gotten them to Sing the same thing at least.

She grimaced. Small victories…

“Zoey? Zoey!”

She jerked back to reality as Claudia approached her. Joan glanced their way but another conference attendee had pulled her aside, gushing about the keynote.

The tech guru greeted the coder with a shoulder touch. But this one did nothing for her. “Hey Zoey!” Claudia grimaced in sympathy. “Tough luck with the Hackathon…guess you cant be the AI-WITC Witch this year.”

Zoey had to laugh. “Is that a real thing or did you make it up?”

“I could make a title up for you.” Claudia promised. “Who knows, maybe next year you’ll be running this thing.”

Zoey chuckled at the thought, glad that someone still had hope that her career still had a trajectory.

“You disappeared last night,” Claudia continued, “…missed all the drama.”

“oo…oohh?” Zoey tried to seem surprised but knew she was blushing. “Did…? Did you two…?”

Claudia waved a hand. “We tried again…wasn’t a fit. No worries.” Her eyes went sad briefly but Zoey heard no music. The tech guru blinked and abruptly changed topics. “I wanted to make sure I got a chance to say goodbye to you.”

“Y…yeah.” Zoey had to admit, she was still moderately star stuck by talking this casually to her idol. “Hey…um…thank you…for…for spending so much time with us yesterday…it…” She fiddled with her laptop, “…it really meant a lot to Joan and to me.”

Claudia smiled. “No problem. You two are a riot of fun.” She lowered her gaze and jerked her head in the direction Joan had wandered, far out of earshot now. “So, you two finally banged huh?”

Zoey swore she’d just swallowed her tongue. “WhAT?”

Claudia seemed to relish Zoey’s reaction. Her eyebrows waggled and she smirked.

Zoey wilted, wanting to disappear. “How…how could you tell?” She finally asked. “That…that Joan…?”

Claudia scoffed. “It was kind of obvious kid…didn’t exactly need a neon sign…”

Zoey blushed, profoundly embarrassed that she had needed several Songs to get the message.

“Okay…then how did you know I liked her back?”

The tech guru tilted her head. “Wasn’t too much of a stretch, kid.” She paused, pursing her lips in thought. “You just…spoke to me.” She put an odd emphasis on the words, as if they were supposed to have some kind of double meaning.

Zoey thought back, reevaluating the entirety of yesterday. How long had Claudia known? And if she’d known, why had she played along up until she’d kissed Joan? Had she still harbored a hope that Joan would choose her? Despite the thought making her sad for the woman, Zoey couldn’t squash the small flare of satisfaction that Joan had chosen her instead.

Of course, it didn’t last long once she remembered her current reality.

“Honestly, I thought you two were already banging when I met you.” Claudia was saying with a level of casual confidence Zoey knew she’d never achieve. “You both just had that…air about you. That’s why I was so surprised when you told me Joan was interested in me again.”

“What makes you think she suddenly isn’t?” Zoey asked.

Claudia chuckled and cast a sideways look at the coder. “Zoey…I’m not blind. I see the way she looks at you.”

Her words brought Zoey’s need to cry back in full force. She tried to look away, but nothing escaped Claudia.

“What?” The woman leaned down, face softening. “What’s wrong? Tell me.”

Zoey tried to gather herself. “We…me…and…and her…” She had to bite her lip to stop herself from crying. “I…I don’t think we’re going to happen.”

Claudia’s face pinched in concern. But she said nothing so Zoey kept talking.

“It…it’s not that we don’t…fit. We do! Too well. Scarily well. But…”

“Then what’s the issue kid?” Claudia interrupted. “Go get her; tell her to forget the stupid HR reason she probably threw at you as a barrier and tell her how you really feel!”

Zoey laughed, her voice hollow. She makes it sound so simple. “It…it’s not just her.”

“What is it then?”

“It…it’s me.”

“Oh?” Claudia raised an eyebrow. “Intimidated by dating the boss?”

“N…no…”

“Then what? Harboring a deep-seating insecurity brought about by a childhood trauma that makes it difficult for you to trust any woman even remotely like your mother?”

Zoey’s face scrunched in confusion. “What?”

Claudia just gave her a look, clearly just wanting her to get it off her chest. “I…I’m afraid!” Zoey admitted, even to herself. “Afraid of how quickly and how fast she’s fallen for me…” And how quickly I’ve fallen too. “Afraid that once she...she...”

“That you’re not worth the risk?” Claudia supplied. “That even if you do get together, once she gets to know you she won’t like you anymore? Once she thinks about the age gap or your work relationship, it’ll put her off?” She smirked at Zoey’s codfish impression. Zoey was just amazed that she’d somehow articulated every fear she’d had bouncing around her head all day. “I guarantee you she’s scared of all that too.” Claudia continued. She shrugged. “So, why not be scared together? It worked for us once...”

The woman pulled something out of her jacket pocket and held it out to Zoey.

Zoey took the metal card, only catastrophically surprised that it was in fact, Claudia’s famed personal business card. Her mouth fell open as she slowly turned it over and over in her hands.

“Just…promise me one thing Zoey?”

She glanced back up. “What?”

The tech guru softened, all of her casual humor gone. “Don’t let her run from something she deserves because she’s scared.” Claudia glanced over to where Joan was getting into the elevator. “She deserved that much from me…but I couldn’t give it to her.”

They watched as the doors closed on the woman they both loved.Zoey wondered if she could be the one to give Joan what the Claudia Balusa couldn’t.

Zoey turned back to Claudia, suddenly nervous. “Are you…? I mean…I did kinda steal your…I’m…will you…?”

“I’ll be okay, Zoey.” Claudia assured her, clapping Zoey on the shoulder.

Given what she knew of the woman, both from personal interaction and her Songs, Zoey wasn’t sure if she could believe that. “Really?”

Claudia smiled and Zoey could tell that it was completely genuine. “Really. I’ll always love Joan…maybe too much. We just weren’t meant to be forever. We loved each other and taught each other things. But that was it. Now she has to find her own forever love. Just like I have to.”

Zoey admired her ability to accept this. She bitterly wondered if she would one day have the same grace and perspective on her own lack of relationship with Joan.

Claudia indicated the card. “If you ever get tired of the scene out there on the Bay…you’ll have a job with me.” She leaned close, fixing Zoey with a piercing stare that the coder swore saw right into her soul. “But don’t take me up on that offer unless you mean it with every fiber of your being.”

Zoey nodded. Despite her gratitude and admiration for the woman, she knew she wouldn’t take it. But part of her was glad for the out - the same part that had Sung that Song this morning. “Are you okay though?” Zoey asked again. “Really?” She needed to be sure. It would be just like her to unintentionally mess up Claudia’s life by trying to help.

“Don’t worry about me kid…” Claudia assured her. “If there’s one thing Joan taught me; it’s that I’m still amazing on my own.”

She gave Zoey a two-fingered salute and spun around. Immediately, she extended her arm with a snap.

I know that i’m runnin’ out of time

I want it all

And I’m wishin’ they’d stop tryina turn me off

I want it all

And I’m walking on a wire, trying to go higher

Feels like I’m surrounded by clowns and liars

Even when I get it all the way

I want it all, mmm, mmm

People seemed to slowly take notice of Claudia’s Song. Backup dancers joined her as she revved up for a chorus.

We can get ‘em running, running, running

Just like fire, burning out the way

If I can light the world up for just one day

Watch this madness, colorful charade

No one can be just like me any way

Just like magic, I’ll be flying free

I’mma disappear when they come for me

I kick that ceiling, what you gonna say?

No one can be just like me any way

Just like fire, uh

Claudia strutted back into the crowd, gathering more people into her confident, joyful number.

And people like to laugh at you cause they are all the same, mmm

See I would rather we just go our different way than play the game, mmm

And no matter the weather, we can do it better

You and me together forever and ever

We don’t have to worry about a thing about a thing, no

Zoey couldn’t help but smile as she watched her go. She’d be fine.

Just like fire! Burning out the way

If I can light the world up for just one day

Watch this madness, colorful charade

No one can be just like me any way

Just like magic, I’ll be flying free

I’mma disappear when they come for me

I kick that ceiling, what you gonna take?

No one can be just like me any way

Just like fire, fire, fire…

The Song faded as the crowd of Claudia and her followers melted back into the bowels of the hotel.

Turning to the elevator, Zoey swallowed hard at the silence.

But what were she and Joan going to be now that the conference was over?

Chapter 17: Sunday: Departure - See you next year!

Chapter Text

The journey home was stifling; even the Daytona weather seemed to be reflecting their discomfort. Zoey had to strip off her jacket inside the terminal but then of course, she had to pull it right back on when she caught Joan unconsciously licking her lips. She suffered through the heat after that.

By some miracle, they managed to get to their flight early and board with no problem.

But this time, Joan had the aisle seat.

Zoey sank into her own seat, trying very hard not to glance right and wondering if Joan was going to make any effort to speak to her.

After the Hackathon, the remainder of their stay had been nearly silent. They had returned to their room to pack and depart for the airport. Except for the moment when Zoey had panicked (thinking she’d lost her copy of Reprogramming Nature) Joan had said nothing to her.

“You left it on my bed.” She informed Zoey, practically throwing it at her chest.

Unsure how to interpret that action, Zoey had only mumbled her thanks and stuffed the book into her duffle. She should have made Joan talk to her about the previous night, about the obvious desire that was still there and the painful awkwardness lingering between them now.

But they didn’t talk about any of it. And Zoey wasn’t sure if she had the strength to weather that conversation with Joan right now. She just felt tired. Tired of knowing things she shouldn’t. Tired of weathering this minefield. She just wanted to be home, where she could analyze everything and properly freak out about what her life had become over this single long weekend.

As the plane climbed into the sky and turned west, Zoey turned her head.

Joan was staring at the seat in front of her, fists clenched tightly on her arm rests. There was no music but Zoey knew her well enough by now to recognize the tension and the insecurity there.

Talk to me.

It shouldn’t be hard to say. But she couldn’t say it.

Zoey wanted so badly to touch her hand, to comfort her. Surely that was allowed, right? That was professional enough?

But just as she resolved to reach out, the stewardess came by and handed them both champagne glasses. Joan placed hers in the hand closest to Zoey.

Zoey had little choice but to take hers and occupy her hands with it.

Several hours into the flight, Zoey couldn’t take it any longer.

She needed to pee.

Joan had been asleep for the better part of the last hour, her head turned away from Zoey, her chest softly rising and falling. Not that Zoey had been watching.

It was now or never.

Zoey unbuckled her seat belt and eased herself up.

She managed to wriggle herself free of her seat without smacking Joan in the face, mainly because first class seats actually had room to breathe. Small victories. But now came the hard part.

Zoey slid her front as close to the back of the seat as she could. She didn’t want to risk shuffling and potentially falling so she just went for it. In one quick motion, she darted between the seat and Joan’s legs and stumbled into the aisle.

Halfway there! But she’d worry about getting back later.

Glancing back, Zoey froze.

Joan was awake.

Whether she had already been up or Zoey’s movements had awoken her, it was impossible to tell. But her intense eyes bored into Zoey, pinning her more than any words could have.

But still, neither of them spoke.

Zoey stumbled away, dodging the stewardess and escaping to the first class bathroom.

As soon as she slid inside the stall, Zoey let out a shaky breath.

This is getting ridiculous.

The isolation and mindless task gave her too much headspace for the first time all day. Zoey rubbed her face, trying to pull herself together. She blamed her stupid libido, Joan’s stupid eyes, and her apparent inability to stay away from the woman who’d given her the best night she’d had with someone to date. God, she really needed to stop thinking like this!

Joan had wanted space, she’d wanted them to stay professional. And until she gave Zoey some kind of non-Sung indication that she was still open to them being together, Zoey was resolved not to do anything to further jeopardize their friendship. If they couldn’t be together, they could at least still be friends, right?

Zoey nodded, finishing up and washing her hands.

But as soon as she yanked open the bathroom door, she knew she was in trouble.

“…Joan.”

Her boss was waiting on the other side, mouth open slightly as if she were about to say something. She tried several times but no sound came out. Zoey waited, unsure what to say and if she should say anything at all.

But as they both silently stood there, the plane jostled so suddenly and violently that Joan lost her balance and pitched closer to the coder.

“Ladies and gentlemen, we seem to have hit some mild turbulence. Please return to your seats and fasten your seatbelts.”

Zoey barely registered the announcement from the pilots. Because now she and Joan were silently staring at each other from mere inches apart. Joan’s hand was on the doorframe above Zoey’s head, her lips within temptation distance.

Joan’s eyes widened and shot downward and upward in quick succession.

Zoey didn’t need a Song to know exactly what Joan was thinking. She was thinking it too. Her hands twitched.

This could so easily turn into a mile-high dalliance; she could envision every motion. All Zoey would have to do is grab Joan by the collar and yank her inside the door. It would be a simple thing to slide Joan’s shirt from her waistband and slide her hands past those abs to those sensitive breasts again. She could be pleasuring the woman within moments, as soon as those slacks were undone…

She knew Joan wouldn’t resist if she just went for it. They were both so obviously attracted to each other and so stupidly turned on that starting would make it impossible to stop. And oh how Zoey wanted to get that back! But knowing Joan’s previous reaction had Zoey desperately reigning herself in. She wants this. But not like this.
Zoey swallowed, clasping her rebellious hands. Making her choice, she eased herself around Joan’s outstretched arm. She managed a small smile as she left the danger zone.

She did not receive one in return.

San Francisco felt different.

Zoey swore that everything felt older, more beaten up and worn down. Her duffle felt heavier, even though all she’d picked up in Daytona was a few conference freebies and the swimsuit.

Or maybe she had just changed too much since they’d left four days ago.

The two of them stumbled over to the baggage claim, the long flight and even longer weekend weighing on their feet.

“Is…is…” Joan cleared her throat before finally being able to speak. “is messenger bag picking you up…?”

It was the first thing she’d said to Zoey since the hotel room.

Zoey shook her head. “N..no.” Her voice was hoarse from lack of use. “I told him I’d get a cab…since it would be so late.”

“Sure…sure…let me…” Joan was already pulling out her phone. “Let me get you into one.”

Joan’s luggage passed by them and Zoey lunged for the bag. Joan buried herself in her phone, clearly glad for the escape from the conversation.

Zoey passed her her suitcase and their hands brushed. She swore Joan’s fingers lingered for a moment. Zoey couldn’t help the sharp intake of breath.

They walked side by side to the exit, Zoey struggling for something, anything to say. But her brain was too tired for anything emotional and her heart too heavy for small talk.

Outside the airport doors, they paused at the taxi area.

Joan turned towards her and Zoey immediately gravitated towards the action.

“This was…this was fun Zoey…” Joan began, clearly trying to sound genuine but her voice shaking. “I, I’m really glad you came.” She flinched a second later as she realized the double meaning behind her words.

Zoey knew that staying silent would only make this worse. “Joan…” Why was this so hard? She bit her lip. “I…I’m really glad I came as well.” To her relief, Joan chuckled at the returned joke.

The humor broke some of their lingering tension, like a thick cloud suddenly raining.

A car pulled up and the driver hopped out to gather Zoey’s bag.

“Well…I guess this is me.” Zoey turned back to Joan. Her boss hadn’t moved, eyes fixed on the coder as if she were afraid to let Zoey leave. There was a familiar vulnerability in her eyes.

Zoey’s heart skipped. Just do it. “Joan I…I really don’t think a hug is out of the question.”

Joan looked away. “Zoey…” Her reproach was half-assed and they both knew it.

Zoey had never wanted to hold her more than she did right now. “Come on,” Zoey insisted. She held out her arms. “Most professional hug ever.”

Joan let out a short bark of laughter and the sound warmed Zoey to her core. She took it as permission to slide forward and wrap her arms around the older woman. Joan immediately hugged her back, her hands sliding up Zoey’s back to rest on her shoulder blades with a sense of relief.

They both melted into the embrace, Zoey unable to stop herself from inhaling the intoxicating scent of jasmine from Joan’s hair. Her legs trembled and her entire body felt like she had just fallen into a cloud.

Joan sighed heavily and tightened her grip, pulling Zoey completely against her.

Zoey drank in the sensation, her libido begrudgingly letting her soak in the platonic moment. She’d missed this. How was that possible? They’d only hugged for the first time yesterday!

She was only mildly surprised when the music started.Zoey gently stroked Joan’s back, already trying not to cry.

Joan’s voice vibrated through her chest as she began to Sing.

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
‘Cause I saw the end before we’d begun
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won

So I took what’s mine by eternal right
Took your soul out into the night
It may be over but it won’t stop there
I am here for you if you’d only care

Joan pulled back slightly, staring down at Zoey.

You touched my heart you touched my soul
You changed my life and all my goals
And love is blind and that I knew when
My heart was blinded by you

Her hands left Zoey’s shoulders, one moving to cup her face. Zoey couldn’t help but lean into the touch.

I’ve kissed your lips and held your head
Shared your dreams and shared your bed
I know you well, I know your smell
I’ve been addicted to you

Goodbye my lover
Goodbye my friend
You have been the one
You have been the one for me

Goodbye my lover
Goodbye my friend
You have been the one
You have been the one for me

Zoey bit back tears. This Song…it sounded like they were parting ways. And she didn’t want that.

Joan’s other hand drifted up so she was fully cradling Zoey’s head.

I am a dreamer but when I wake
You can’t break my spirit - it’s my dreams you take
And as you move on, remember me
Remember us and all we used to be

Joan leaned her head down, pressing her forehead to Zoey’s.

I’ve seen you cry, I’ve seen you smile
I’ve watched you sleeping for a while
You’d be the mother of my child
I’d spend a lifetime with you

Zoey closed her eyes. She pictured a future with the two of them hand in hand, Joan singing to her for real. It was terrifying - but only in how effortlessly she could see it.

I know your fears and you know mine
We’ve had our doubts but now we’re fine
And I love you, I swear that’s true
I cannot live without you

Goodbye my lover
Goodbye my friend
You have been the one
You have been the one for me

Goodbye my lover
Goodbye my friend
You have been the one
You have been the one for me

Joan stroked her face and Zoey shivered. She knew this Song was in that odd pocket of time that only she experienced but right now, she selfishly wished it could last forever.

And I still hold your hand in mine
In mine when I’m asleep
And I will bear my soul in time
When I’m kneeling at your feet

Goodbye my lover
Goodbye my friend
You have been the one
You have been the one for me

Goodbye my lover
Goodbye my friend
You have been the one
You have been the one for me

I’m so hollow, baby, I’m so hollow

I’m so, I’m so, I’m so hollow

Joan was fully crying now, her Heart Song fading as her voice choked. Zoey couldn’t bear to watch this - it was like seeing a heart break in real time. She just wrapped herself around Joan and held her as tightly as she could, wishing that her comfort could translate through her powers and into Joan’s reality.

But she still could not form the words. She didn’t know what to say to overcome Joan’s fears. Or her own.

With a zap of time restarting, Joan was back to staring down at her, her face full of everything her Song had said and eyes wet with the beginning of tears. Zoey, no longer holding her, could only stare and hope her face showed how hard this was for her as well.

In one abrupt, swift motion, Joan leaned down and pressed her lips to Zoey’s. The coder was startled in the best way. Unlike last night’s frantic movements, this kiss was softer, sweeter. It filled her up with warm air that could not find an escape. But she’d barely become coherent enough to reciprocate when Joan just as abruptly pulled back.

Struggling to remember how to breathe, Zoey said nothing.Her eyes slowly fluttered open.

Joan looked away. “Goodbye…Zoey.”

The soft, dulcet tones of Joan’s Song drifted around Zoey until the taxi door closed between them.

The cab pulled her away.

Zoey’s lips still tingled from the stolen kiss.

Her heart and her brain felt like they had been stretched across a frame.

The warmth within slowly faded with each mile she left Joan behind.

It felt like a real goodbye.

As exhausted as she was, when the taxi dropped her off at her apartment, Zoey found that her feet didn’t take her to bed.

She made it inside her door, far enough to drop her luggage and keys before the overwhelming urge to talk to someone about all this made her knees weak. The entire weekend hit her all at once; the previous night especially. Zoey exhaled shakily as the true weight of everything they had done and all that they had become finally cemented in her consciousness.

She sagged against the door, too tired to move but too wired to rest.

In the past, she would have grabbed her journal and scribbled until it all went away. But right now…

Zoey sagged. All she wanted to do was call Joan. To hear her voice and thank her for the trip and the cab home and the…the…

Professionalism…

And what if Joan started Singing again? She couldn’t handle that.

She wished she could talk to Max…but he couldn’t know about the relationship. Ditto for Simon or her mom for that matter. No one at work could know what had happened between her and Joan and trying to explain the Singing thing to her mom on top of the dating-the-boss bombshell would just be…a lot.

No, only one person could possibly hear the entire story and help her fully process everything that had happened.

Her feet turned her around. She crossed the hall in three quick steps and rapped on the door.

Luckily, she had someone who knew all of her darkest secrets.

Mo took one look at her and swept her inside his apartment. He had the courtesy to make her a cup of herbal tea and wrap her up in a soft blanket before he finally spoke.

“Alright Zo-bi, who broke your heart?”

Chapter 18: Epilogue: SPRQs fly

Chapter Text

It was hard.

It was so hard to go into work the next day like nothing had happened between them. It was so hard to walk into the building and not let her gaze drift through the slatted walls of Joan’s office and pick out the woman sitting there. It was impossible not to notice the tight, stressed hunch of her shoulders and the wrinkle between her eyes that Zoey now knew how to erase.

It was impossible not to notice how Joan straightened up upon seeing her.

Zoey looked away as if she hadn’t noticed. “Keep it professional…” Zoey muttered to herself. Tugging on the strap of her bag, Zoey strode towards her workstation. She felt Joan’s gaze on her back all the way to her desk.

“She lives!” Max’s greeting seemed too forced, as if he were pretending too. He sauntered up to Zoey’s desk as she sat down. “So…?”

Zoey raised an eyebrow, still too jet-lagged to play any games. “So what?”

“How was it?” Max prodded. “How was Joan?”

Zoey flinched, memories of hands on her skin and the scent of jasmine tormenting her. “It was…fine…good. It was good. We…we had fun.”

Max raised an eyebrow. “You okay? Jet-lag hitting you hard?”

Zoey nodded, glad he’d supplied the excuse. “Yeah…” Glancing over her shoulder, she started at the sight of Joan silhouetted in her office doorway, staring at her. Her body twitched. “I’ll uh…I’ll be right back…”

Abandoning Max, Zoey practically sprinted over towards the bathroom. Halfway there, she realized it was the only place Joan and no one else could follow her and dove into Simon’s office.

“Hey!” Simon sounded surprised to see her. “I thought that was you.” He smiled at her. “You hiding from someone?”

“Nope.” Zoey insisted, clasping her hands together. “Just…saying hi!” A week ago, that smile would have been the high point of her day. Now it did nothing beyond what Max’s did.

Simon chuckled. “Hi.” He walked past her to close his office door. “How was the conference?”

“Oh, not as stuffy as I thought!” Zoey admitted. “I met Claudia Balusa!” She still couldn’t believe that was a sentence she could say.

“Great!” Simon frowned momentarily, as if trying to remember something. “She’s…Nanotech United?”

“Biotech Industries.” Zoey replied, mildly disappointed he didn’t know. “But she’s actually a really cool person…” She wanted to tell him all about the Games and Claudia’s incredible sense of humor. But thoughts of the tech guru only led her back to their final conversation and to the heavy card still tucked into her coat pocket.

Don’t take me up on that offer unless you mean it with every fiber of your being…

Zoey snapped herself back to reality, realizing that she had all but left Simon hanging for a few seconds. “Sorry, I’m still really jel-tagged.” She perched on his couch and frowned. “Jet-lagged.”

Simon laughed as she shook her head. “Well you didn’t miss much here…although Tobin did bring in some strange contraption he’s been working on…we almost had to evacuate the floor when it…”

His voice trailed off, her own heartbeat picking up rapidly to fill the sudden silence.

Stiffening, Zoey turned her head.

Joan was outside Simon’s office, eyes locked on Zoey.

“Oh…no….”

“Zoey?” Simon asked, peering at her. “You okay?”

Tearing her eyes away, Zoey tried to look normal. “Yeah…” Simon clearly couldn’t see Joan.

For just a moment, Zoey thought she might dodge the moment as Simon continued to prattle on about some kind of robotic dog.

But then she heard music.

“Oh no…really?”

For a moment, she hoped it was going to be Simon Singing. But the music was just muffled enough for her to know who it was going to be.

She glanced out of the corner of her eye.

It’s been 18 days
Since I’d look at myself
I don’t wanna have to change
If I don’t then no one will
Is it my state of mind
Or is it just everything else
I don’t wanna have to be here
I don’t understand it now

Cause its been 18 days

Since I first held you

but to me it feels just like

feels like a lifetime…

Zoey resolutely tried to ignore her. But her head turned towards the sound like a siren call.

Joan’s hand was on the glass, staring at Zoey like it had been years since she’d seen her, not hours.

I’m trying hard to re-arrange

Some say its the hardest thing to do

But that’s another 18 days

Without you..

“You know what?” Zoey half-shouted at a very confused Simon, springing up. “I should get back to work…I missed a lot…see you later!”

Simon stared. “Uh, yeah…”

She scampered from his office, avoiding looking at him or at the Singing Joan.

I’m tryin hard to rearrange

but some say that’s the hardest thing to do

but that’s just too many days

without you!

She kept walking, but Joan only followed her, belting out her Song as Zoey ducked and weaved through her coworkers.

And I know what they say
About all good things
Will they come to an end
But I’ll fight this time
So that we might
Have a chance at this

Cause it’s been 18 days
Since I’d look at myself
I don’t wanna have to change
If I don’t then no one will

Cause its been too many days
Since I first held you
But to me it feels just like
It feel like a lifetime
I’m trying hard to re-arrange
Some say it’s the hardest thing to do
But that’s just too many days without you

Zoey grimaced at the Song, her heart twisting. There was still too much yearning there. Well, at least she’s not Singing about how horny she is…this time.

But why was Joan Singing about fighting for a chance? Zoey stopped, letting Joan overtake her and dance in front of her as thoughts invaded her head.

Was she…? Was she going to change her mind?

Zoey’s feet rooted in place, her heart-rate spiking like she’d just come face-to-face with a tiger. She clasped her hands tightly.

Finally, Joan stopped Singing. All of the yearning melted off of her face as the chords faded, bringing her back to her office boss-face. With a jolt, time caught up to Zoey. She was standing in front of the conference room, face-to-face with Joan for the first time since they’d kissed goodbye. Her mind went blank.

Joan smiled. “Hey Zoey…” She greeted. She had clearly tried for casual and missed the mark.

Heart still reeling from the Song, Zoey struggled to find her voice. “J…Joan…” Great…that was as good as a Heart Song from her. Her brain was still struggling for something coherent to cling to.

Joan chuckled, her face taut. “You were pretty far gone there…I’ve been trying to get your attention for almost a minute.”

“Uhh…” Zoey nodded. “did…did you want something?”

Joan’s faux smile faded. “Um yeah…just…just wanted to check if you had everything you needed for the Watch diagnostics meeting.”
Zoey nodded. She’d forgotten all about that. “I’ll…I’ll be fine.”

“Zoey…” Joan peered into her face, just a hair too close for comfort. “Are… are you…? Are you sure?”

Zoey sprang back, the proximity too much for her right now. She ignored the flash of hurt in Joan’s eyes. “I’ll be ready! I just…just need to grab my tablet….” She turned on her heel and nearly ran back to her desk.

I could make you happy…

Her last Heart Song echoed through her head and Zoey frantically tamped down her feelings. Come on…dont Sing here…come on…

I could make you love me…

Biting her lips closed, Zoey turned. The feelings only returned when she saw Joan waiting for her in the same spot, watching her with a mixed expression.

Squaring her shoulders and doing long-division in her head, Zoey forced herself to walk back to Joan’s side. She gave her a tight smile.

Joan just nodded, not smiling back.

Silent, they walked into the meeting together. Zoey had to grip her tablet hard so that she wouldn’t reach for Joan’s hand. She had to keep doing long-form math equations in her head to stop the lyrics from taking over.

Professional…

I could disappear…completely.

By some miracle, Zoey managed to keep someone else close to her whenever she crossed paths with Joan for the rest of the week. Max didn’t seem to mind but Zoey couldn’t think about her situation with him right now. Joan dominated her every waking moment. And a fair number of her non-waking ones.

She expected things to slowly get easier: for the memories to fade and the haunting sensations of being close to Joan to slip away. For her and Joan to slip back into their friendship before the conference and have their usual lunches, Twitter exchanges, and jokes and just forget about the fact that they’d seen each other naked and knew each other’s most intimate thoughts. That would have been her preferred outcome.

But when their usual day came and Joan offered her no lunch invite, Zoey knew something fundamental had shifted between them. They couldn’t go back.

Zoey abruptly excused herself to the bathroom after she realized that, brushing off Max’s worried questions.

She’d barely managed to lock the stall behind her when the first hot tear came running down her cheek.

“Joan…” She bit her lip but the tears wouldn’t stop.

Trying to weather all of this newness with Joan was one thing. But losing their friendship? That was too much.

Zoey sank onto the toilet seat, lip trembling.

I didn’t mean to mess things up like this…I just…I just wanted her. But her selfish desire for just one night with Joan had ruined everything. She huffed into her hands.

It wouldn’t be so bad if Joan would just stop Singing to her. Zoey had been having a Song from her almost twice a day: alternating from pure yearning to determination to something she was pretty sure was from the opera Carmen.

But Joan hadn’t done anything. Aside from checking up on Zoey more often and always taking too long to leave. All of her feelings were in her Songs. Zoey both craved and hated it.

Claudia’s advice rattled around her chest, making her feel weak. She drew her knees up and hugged herself.

Just be scared together.

But what was Joan going to say if Zoey just…just told her? What if the atmosphere of work had already erased the spell of the conference? They couldn’t be like they had been now that they were under the watchful eye of their coworkers.

And if she did say something…was Joan going to react at all? If she was feeling all these Songs…why hadn’t she done anything?

Or perhaps, Joan was convincing herself to wait for Zoey to do something?

Zoey hugged herself, more tears coming. Did she want to do something?

The idea of the ball being in her court terrified her. She had no idea how to handle relationships and this kind of expectation. She barely knew if she really wanted this to happen!

But…her mind kept going back to that night, to Joan’s soft caresses, to that one moment of complete serenity amid all the terrifying sensuality. It dominated her memory more than the org*sm itself had.

Does that mean that I…?

Her heart stopped as the bathroom door swung open. For one stupid moment, she wished it were Max.

“Zoey?”

Her body twitched, drawing her towards the voice.

“Zoey…” Joan sounded unsure and Zoey hated that she knew exactly what her boss was doing with her hands without even needing to look. “I…I know you’re in here…I saw you run in…”

Zoey only shifted, putting her feet down on the ground.

“Zoey…” Joan continued, her voice sounding thick. “I…I…just want you to know…”

But whatever she was saying, Zoey never heard it. Because a familiar melody took over Joan’s words.

I’m sorry that I care…care…

I’m sorry that I care…care…

It’s really not that fair…fair…

I can’t help but care…

Zoey stood, startled by the Song. Joan was Singing her Song.

I over-communicate and feel too much
I just complicate it when I say too much
I laugh about it, dream about that casual touch
Sex is fire, sick and tired of acting all tough

I’m hooked on all these feelings…

I know exactly what I’m feelin’…

Zoey threw open her stall door and nearly whacked Joan in the face with it. But it did manage to cut off the Song mid-lyric.

Two fumbled steps later, they were back in each other’s space. Breathing the same air for the first time, feeling each other’s heat again.

Joan cleared her throat, then cleared it again but said nothing. Her hands were stiff at her sides.

Zoey shook like a leaf in a hurricane, clenching her rebellious hands to her side as her brain and her heart tore her in two different directions.

Suddenly, it hit Zoey that they were alone for the first time in days; out of sight of all their coworkers.

Apparently, the same thought occurred to Joan because she immediately took a step backward.

“Are you…you okay?” Joan finally managed to ask.

Zoey squeezed her eyes shut. “No.” She admitted. “No, I’m not.”

Joan’s eyebrows creased in concern. “Is it your dad?” She demanded. “Why didn’t you come talk to me?”

“It’s not my dad.” Zoey informed her, anger starting to rise in her at Joan’s words. “And I think you know why…”

Joan’s eyes widened at her bitter tone. “Zoey…you can still talk to me about…”

“No, Joan. I cant.” She inhaled sharply, trying to get her anger under control. She wanted to yell, to scream at Joan for expecting that level of trust from her after asking her to forget everything that had happened between them. But some small, stubborn part of her refused to raise her voice at the woman.

Joan was still staring at her, waiting for an answer.

“Joan we…we can’t not talk about this forever.”

Her boss folded her arms around herself. “I think we’re doing a solid job so far…”

Zoey scoffed. “Really? Really?!” It was getting harder to listen to that stubborn part of herself.

Joan grimaced. “Zoey, I think I’ve been pretty good about giving you space and not… projecting my feelings towards you.”

Zoey rolled her eyes. “You have no idea…” She muttered.

Joan eyed her strangely for a moment. “Zoey…” she finally began, “…this is not the time…and especially not the place.”

“So meet me after work…let’s talk.”

“No.”

At that, Zoey’s fragile control finally snapped. “Just…stop making this harder than it has to be!” She shouted, her voice echoing around the bathroom.

The outburst startled both of them. For a moment, they both eyed the door like they expected several dozen of their coworkers to be crowded around it. But after a long moment when no one burst in on them, Zoey finally regained enough control over her mouth to speak again.

“I…I don’t know what to do, Joan…” She whimpered, hating how pathetic and insecure she felt. “Please…what do I do?”

Joan stared intently at her for a good long while. Zoey could tell she was thinking, but no Songs tipped her off to the content.

Finally, Joan turned away. “Zoey…I…I’m sorry.”

She walked out, leaving Zoey alone to cry in the bathroom again.

Why Joan? Why wont you just let me be a friend?

And would that ever be enough again?

“Dudes…and dudette…got some hot goss for yall…Joan’s leaving.”

Zoey’s head shot up and she had to bite her tongue to not say anything. It had been a long night after her barely-conversation with Joan; full of sad thoughts, painfully repetitive soul-searching, and half-hearted attempts to pleasure herself.

“What are you talking about?” Max sounded skeptical, not even glancing up from his code.

Tobin grinned. “I overheard her on the phone in the elevator this morning talking to Danny Michael Davis. Joan’s hittin’ up the big dog.”

Zoey’s fingers seized up, curling away from her keyboard.

Max shrugged. “So? He’s the CEO, she talks to him often enough…”

“Yeah, but about opening a new office?”

At this, Leif, Max, and the others finally poked their heads up. “New office?” Leif asked.

“Where?” Zoey demanded, her voice catching. The boys turned to her, seeming startled that she was in fact listening.

“Tobin!” Zoey demanded, rising out of her seat. “Where?”

Tobin seemed slightly terrified of her in that moment. “Uhhh…New York I think…? May have been Boston…? Somewhere east….”

Zoey stood and stalked away, not caring at the scene she was making.

“Hey Zoey! You… huh?”

She brushed right past Simon, not even registering his words.

“You’re leaving?” She burst right into Joan’s office.

Her boss looked up, glasses perched on her nose magnifying her wide blue eyes.

Zoey’s anger faltered momentarily at the sight she hadn’t realized she missed. But it returned full force when she remembered she might never see those eyes again.

“Were you going to tell me or was I going to find out when they replaced you?” She demanded. Zoey didn’t know where her righteousness and indignation came from in that moment. But she knew the fear in her heart was real.

Joan didn’t even deny it. “I was going to tell you…I just…wanted more time.”

“Time for what?”

Joan had no answer. She leaned back in her seat, slowly removing her glasses. There were shadows under her eyes.

“Why?” Zoey asked, anger faltering and dissolving. “Why are you just…leaving?”

Joan’s face softened. “Zoey…this is what’s best.” She wasn’t even attempting to raise her voice. It sounded as if she had just…given up. “It’s a new start for me, now that Charlie isn’t in my life…”

“And I don’t even get a say?” Zoey asked as Joan stood. “What if I don’t want you to leave?”

Joan stopped dead at that, hands pausing as they reached for her tablet.

For just a moment, Zoey thought she was going to Sing.

But Joan didn’t even turn back to look at her. “It’s my decision.” She informed Zoey, picking up her tablet and walking the long way around her desk; avoiding Zoey. “I’m not firing you for something that we were equally at fault for. And I cant sit here everyday and think about…and watch you at work like nothing happened.” She crossed in front of Zoey, heading for the door. “I cant Zoey…I’m not…” She stopped, and Zoey could see her shaking. “I’m not physically able to…so it’s best if I leave. Give us both the space we need to move past this.”

She tried to move around Zoey. But just as she passed by, Zoey’s hand shot out and grabbed her wrist.

“What if I don’t want to?” Zoey asked. Her heart was hammering in her chest, her brain was screaming at her that this was not what she wanted, that this wasn’t the place, that someone could see. But she was almost holding Joan’s hand again and underneath everything else, that just felt right.

Joan didn’t break the grip. Her head slowly turned to meet Zoey’s eyes. “W…what?”

Zoey swallowed, trying to get her brain to shut up. “Joan…I…I don’t want to just ignore what happened. I have been…so lost since we got back…” Zoey slid her hand down Joan’s arm, making sure she gave the woman space to pull away if she wanted. Joan didn’t. “I just want to talk to you and hold you close when you’re stressed out and soothe that little wrinkle between your eyes…”

Said wrinkle vanished as Joan’s eyes widened.

“And I don’t know what that means…” Zoey babbled on. “if I’m…falling for you or just…just really attracted to you but all I know is…I still want you in my life.”

Joan was still.

Zoey’s heart picked up even more. “Don’t run from this! Don’t run from me. Please.” She slid her hand into Joan’s. It felt familiar and put her heart just a little more at ease.“You deserve this Joan! You deserve whatever is going to make you feel something: feel alive, feel loved, feel…happy…” She had to look away. “I thought I did that for you…”

Joan made an odd little whimpering sound.

“I know how much you like me…so…” Zoey shrugged. “why not?’

For a long moment, nothing happened. Neither of them moved and no one outside the office provided any kind of distraction. It was just long enough for Zoey’s fear to claw back in and make her question everything she was feeling.

Finally, Joan’s fingers squeezed hers softly. “I’m sorry Zoey…but I’m not the one for you.” She clearly had some manner of logic behind that. But she did not share it.

All of her emotions flooded down into her feet and vanished. “And you wont let me convince you otherwise?” Zoey asked, pursing her lips.

Joan looked down. She shook her head.

So that was it. Zoey felt hollow, like Joan had just scooped out her heart and carried it away instead of giving it back to her.

But Joan was still holding her hand. “I will miss you Zoey…” she whispered, closing her eyes. “so much.”

Zoey closed her eyes and squeezed Joan’s hand. “Then don’t leave.” She begged.

But if she knew Joan, her mind was already made up.

“I can’t stay. Not like this.” She let go of Zoey’s hand. “This is easier. For both of us.”

“For both of us?” Zoey asked, her voice lacking even a hint of bitterness.“Or for you?”

Joan turned back, her mouth opening slightly. Zoey didn’t need a Song: she knew Joan wanted to hug her right then and there, to comfort her and say a real goodbye. But she didn’t.

Joan turned away. “Goodbye Zoey.”

She took a single step out of her office. The music started as she turned back.

If I should stay, I would only be in your way
So I’ll go, but I know
I’ll think of you every step of the way

And I will always love you
I will always love you
You, my darling you, hm

Even as Joan continued to sing, she continued to walk away from Zoey, her Song fading with distance. Zoey couldn’t bring herself to follow.

Bittersweet memories
That is all I’m taking with me
So, goodbye
Please, don’t cry
We both know I’m not what you, you need

And I will always love you
I will always love you, you

I hope life treats you kind
And I hope you have all you’ve dreamed of
And I wish to you joy and happiness
But above all this, I wish you love…

Zoey left early. After all, there was no one to stop her.

“Not that I dont love a little drama honey, but you can’t just sit on my couch drinking my wine and not telling me things.”

Zoey tried to sit up but gave up when her head just felt too heavy. Everything still hurt and she didn’t know what to do. And the only person she could talk to about this was…

“Zoey?” Mo prodded, sitting across from her in a puffy armchair with his own wine glass. “Did you miss a sale on pink cardigans?”

Zoey managed to turn her head so Mo could see her face. “Joan’s leaving.” She mumbled, too spent to muster up any kind of emotion.

Mo didn’t seem too surprised. “Didn’t you talk to her?”

“Yes…she just…wont do it.” Zoey sat up slightly, reaching for her wine glass again. “She wont…even consider the possibility of us being together.”

Mo nodded. “Hmmm, and I suppose you’re feeling betrayed that your hot BAMF of a boss isn’t willing to continue the experiment?”

Zoey cupped her wine. “It’s not like that…” She’d told Mo nearly everything the night she’d returned: the Songs, the touches, Claudia, the hug, the “one bad night”, her own Heart Song…

To his credit, Mo had heard her out without offering his opinion or judgement. But it seemed he was done silently listening. “Then, at the risk of sounding like a therapist: how do you feel?”

“I’m mad at her for just giving up,” Zoey spat. “I’m angry at myself for not getting her to stay, and…I’m scared. Scared that I’m losing her forever.” She emptied her wine glass. “But I’m also scared of having her.” She admitted, as quietly as she dared.

“Uh huh?” Mo intoned, examining his nails.

“I’m not what she deserves!” Zoey exclaimed.“I cant even convince her that she deserves someone like me!” Loosened by the wine and the security of not having any secrets to keep from Mo, the words tumbled from her mouth. “And once she gets to know me, things will inevitably fall apart…they always do. And she wont stop Singing to me so I would always know when she’s mad or horny or dissatisfied and need to come up with some way to address how I know that. Plus there’s my parents and my friends and the fact that she’s my boss and almost 20 years older than me…”

“Okay…whoa…” Mo finally held up a hand, allowing Zoey to stop and catch her breath. “You done?”

Zoey nodded meekly, ashamed of her outburst.

“Okay. Zoey, I think I see the problem here.”

“Yeah?” Zoey chuckled. “Well could you explain it to me? Please, use small words…”

Mo shook his head. “Girl, some day we’re going to have to talk about your confidence issues…but for now, it’s as simple as this.” He leaned back in his chair. “Zoey, you’ve clearly never been in a gay relationship before. Believe me, for some of us, it’s the scariest thing, especially the first one. And especially if you’ve spent years believing you’re straight. Because you dont only have to worry about yourself, you have to worry about your family’s reaction, society’s reaction, and deep down, for bi people, there’s always that deep-rooted insecurity of is my partner really into me or are they going to change their mind?” He shrugged. “So now that you’re suddenly faced with being thrown headfirst into this relationship with sexy boss, all of that internalized hom*ophobia and general fear is coming back to bite you with a belated vengeance.”

Over the course of the speech, Zoey had gradually sat up straighter. When she realized Mo was done, she needed a moment to blink and process. “How do you just know stuff like this?” She finally asked.

Mo leaned back in his seat and waved a hand. “Years of experience. You’ll get there.” He tilted his wine glass towards her. “But first, you need to get there. Get off your ass, stop letting social norms dictate your emotions, and go get your woman!”

Zoey sank back into the couch. “I don’t know what I want Mo…that’s what makes this so hard.”

Mo scoffed. “Yes you do. Quit lying to yourself.”

“Huh?”

“You wouldn’t be sitting here, moping on my couch if you weren’t dead set on taking that woman home with you and showing her a good time.”

Zoey fiddled with her empty glass. “I’m…not moping.”

Mo raised an eyebrow but said nothing about her lack of protest about her feelings.

“How?” Zoey finally asked, still consumed by hopelessness. “She wont even let me try to convince her.”

“You cant let her decide how this relationship goes.” Mo advised. “She may be your boss at work, but it’s different with love. If you really want to be with her, you need to prove to her that you’re both on equal ground in this. That you’re not just going to follow her lead.”

Zoey shrugged. “How do I do that?”

“Stop talking.” Mo advised. “Start showing. Give her a big sign of your feelings and your commitment to trying.”

“I’m not so great at those…” Zoey lamented. All her previous attempts at romance had ended in flames, some of them literal.

Mo shook his head and refilled her glass. “Well you’d better think of something…or else she’s gonna remove herself from your life and I’m gonna have to start charging you for wine.”

Mo finally kicked her out when Zoey had polished off the bottle. He frog-marched her back across the hall and set her down on her couch with a glass of water and a pat on the head before leaving her with her thoughts.

Zoey collapsed dramatically onto the cushions, sighing heavily. She didn’t know what to do. Joan was going to leave and Zoey was just going to have to hope that her heart would one day be as robust as Claudia’s had become.

Did they have this same conversation? She wondered. Did Claudia also fail to convince her to stay?

Zoey wished she could call the woman for advice. But she lacked the conviction to reach out.

She turned her head and found herself staring at the tines of a familiar book.

Claudia’s tome was sitting on her coffee table, thrown there by her a few days ago when she’d been unpacking. But in her initial haste, she’d failed to notice that it had fallen open to the cover page.

Zoey pulled it towards her, peering at the open book through her tipsy haze.

Something was scribbled across the creamy white inside sheet. Something that definitely hadn’t been there prior to the conference. It was dated to the previous Saturday. When Zoey read it, she sat up.

Dear Zoey,

Nothing worth having ever came without risk.

Get out there and write your own story.

Love and respect - CB

P.S. I only give autographs when the team mascot demands them. :)

Zoey sat back on her couch, head finally shutting up.

The longer she sat there, Claudia’s words turning over and over in her mind, the clearer things became.

Just be scared together.

The universe was practically throwing Joan at her. And Joan wasn’t willing to come to her herself.

And now she could understand why. If Joan and her got caught, it would be Joan who took the fall as the superior. Zoey could bounce back from some scandal, being young and relatively unknown. But Joan, the tech celebrity, wouldn’t. She had to take some of the risk; prove that she was willing to shoulder just as much blame and exposure if this was to ever work. As Mo had said, equal ground.

Quit lying to yourself.

Zoey took a deep breath. She wanted to be scared. She wanted to take that risk. She wanted a story for them beyond what they’d had. She wasnt going to give up on this because Joan thought it was right.

Recognizing that, made her feel like she’d won the Hackathon.

Zoey glanced at Joan’s contact on her phone. A text? No, there was no guarantee she’d see it and it would just leave potential evidence behind. A phone call? Right, that would go wrong in about 5 different ways, 3 involving her mouth going rogue from all the wine she’d had. And if Joan wouldn’t talk to her…there was no guarantee she’d even pick up.

Well, there was one other thing she could try. A true risk. Something to prove that she understood what Joan was afraid of.

Pulling her laptop towards her, Zoey opened a new coding window. With a steadying breath, she began to type out the beginnings of a whole new project. She may not be the best hacker in the world…but she was pretty damn close.

It took her less than an hour to perfect her plan.

She ran the code.

And waited.

Joan arrived at SPRQ Point HQ half an hour after midnight. She’d hit the button for the 4th floor but found herself exiting a whole floor higher than planned. There, she finally found Zoey sitting alone in the dim lights amid the construction materials, clutching her laptop and anxiously fiddling with her sleeves.

Their eyes jumped to each other as Joan stepped from the elevator. Zoey straightened, heart jumping.

“Zoey…what…” Joan held up her SPRQ Watch. “What is this?” The usual home screen had been replaced with a blinking dot on the map function.

Zoey just hit enter.

Music began to play from the watch, a soft, familiar piano melody. They both knew it; just for different reasons.

I dare you to let me be

Your one and only…

Joan’s mouth fell open. She turned back to the hacker. “Zoey…?”

Zoey stood, placing her laptop on the ground. “I know you’re scared…” She began. “of this, of us…being together…I’m scared too… but please don’t deny yourself how you’re feeling.” She took a slight step forward. “I’m not. I don’t want us to part ways without at least acknowledging that what we have…had…was special.”

She’d had a speech planned…something wonderful and moving about taking risks and finding the perfect puzzle piece. But seeing Joan had sent her words flying out the window. She had to let her gamble speak for itself. She had to see if Joan would take this risk with her.

Joan was staring at her like she’d never seen her before. “You…hacked my watch…just to tell me this.”

Zoey nodded. “I did.”

Joan gestured behind her. “You rewired the elevator…”

“I did.”

Joan stalked up to her, waving the watch in her face. “That was so stupid, Zoey…and for what? You could have given us away…you could have gotten arrested for hacking my watch…any of those idiots downstairs could have found out…someone could have seen us here…”

Zoey did not waver. “I know. And I’d do it all again. Every day.” She smiled up at Joan, feeling no hint of trepidation in the action.

Joan let out a tiny gasp that relaxed her entire face. She slid the watch into her blazer pocket and brushed her hands off on her pants.

In two quick paces, she took Zoey in her arms and had their teeth clacking together in a rushed kiss.

“Oww!” Zoey flinched as her lips and teeth protested, drawing back in surprise.

“Oww…owww, jeez.” Joan’s face fell. “I’m sorry…I…I’m sorry. I was trying to be spontaneous…”

Zoey laughed and reached for Joan’s waist. She slowly pulled the woman close, eyes never leaving her lips.

When her boss did not shrug her off, Zoey felt like she’d just conquered the moon. Standing on her tiptoes, she stretched up into another kiss, Joan bending slightly to meet her. This one was as smooth and sweet as their first. All of Zoey’s twisted feelings and weighty anxieties of the past week all melted away, bursting into oblivion like they had never mattered to begin with. Because, after all, they really hadn’t.

Zoey finally broke the kiss as her planned speech filtered back to her through the haze.

“I…I just wanted to prove to you that I wasn’t…that I don’t think any less of you or or resent you for what happened…that it’s just the opposite…I miss you and I really…really want to touch you the way that you touched me…but I understand the HR issue and wanted to let you know that I’ll take that risk, Joan…I’ll take it with you if it means” getting to touch you all the time like how you…”

Seizing her, Joan pulled her into bruising kiss, her hand cupping the back of Zoey’s head. Zoey fell right into it, every muscle in her body relaxing. Thank god Joan knew just when to shut her up.

Joan finally broke the kiss when they were both gasping for breath and Zoey’s knees were starting to go weak. The older woman leaned her forehead against Zoey’s. “Thank you.” She whispered. It felt like a promise.

Zoey ran her hands up Joan’s back, the stress of the last few days melting away. “You’re worth it.” She assured her, her face locked into a smile. Being with Joan may be risky. But Zoey liked the feeling. “Now please Joan…Stay. With me.”

The music that began as Joan opened her eyes was soft and sweet. Zoey melted into it.

Do you love the rain? Does it make you dance
When you’re drunk with your friends at a party?
What’s your favorite song, does it make you smile?
Do you think of me?

When you close your eyes, tell me, what are you dreamin’?
Everything, I wanna know it all

I’d spend ten thousand hours and ten thousand more
Oh, if that’s what it takes to learn that sweet heart of yours
And I might never get there, but I’m gonna try
If it’s ten thousand hours or the rest of my life
I’m gonna love you…

Joan laughed as her Song finished, the simple sound making her seem twenty years younger. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

Joan pulled her close again. “Yeah…”

They didn’t need to talk about the future. For now, it was enough to just have tonight.

The future, and whatever it held, could come later.